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  1. #51461
    Quote Originally Posted by YmoBeThere View Post
    There is no try…
    That's going to be really hard (grapefruit).

  2. #51462
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Location
    Boston area, OK, Newton, right by Heartbreak Hill
    Quandry.

    Yesterday as I was buying a slice of pizza to eat on my way to auditions, in a hurry and I needed portable food. The guy behind the counter told me the only pizza they had ready right then was spinach and garlic. I told him that was fine. He said he wasn't sure he should sell it to me because I might have to kiss somebody later. He was flirting with me. It was a fun, light encounter and I didn't mind it a bit. I probably have 20 years on they guy. To be perfectly honest, I was flattered that a pizza guy was still willing to flirt with me.

    What's my quandry? As someone who professes to be a feminist who is very anti-harassment, I don't care when youngish men flirt with me in pizza shops. Cognitive dissonance? Am I a traitor to the cause? Or is it just that I can tell when an exchange is harmless and I'm Ok with harmless flirting?

  3. #51463
    Quote Originally Posted by Bostondevil View Post
    Quandry.

    Yesterday as I was buying a slice of pizza to eat on my way to auditions, in a hurry and I needed portable food. The guy behind the counter told me the only pizza they had ready right then was spinach and garlic. I told him that was fine. He said he wasn't sure he should sell it to me because I might have to kiss somebody later. He was flirting with me. It was a fun, light encounter and I didn't mind it a bit. I probably have 20 years on they guy. To be perfectly honest, I was flattered that a pizza guy was still willing to flirt with me.

    What's my quandry? As someone who professes to be a feminist who is very anti-harassment, I don't care when youngish men flirt with me in pizza shops. Cognitive dissonance? Am I a traitor to the cause? Or is it just that I can tell when an exchange is harmless and I'm Ok with harmless flirting?
    As someone who is woefully under-qualified to answer this and is perfectly happy to be told to sit down and shut up (#mediocrewhiteguyalert), I would think perhaps it's a matter of degrees. I don't care how old the person is, how attractive or unattractive the person is or even what the gender of the person is. If I get mildly flirted with I'm flattered and I'm as liberal as a southerner can possibly be. So I would guess most people like some level of attention as long as it doesn't get weird. I saw weird this weekend when someone came on too strong to someone I didn't even know and I offered my assistance. I'm short, but I at least look crazy with the shaved head and tattoos.

  4. #51464
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Location
    Boston area, OK, Newton, right by Heartbreak Hill
    Quote Originally Posted by ClemmonsDevil View Post
    As someone who is woefully under-qualified to answer this and is perfectly happy to be told to sit down and shut up (#mediocrewhiteguyalert), I would think perhaps it's a matter of degrees. I don't care how old the person is, how attractive or unattractive the person is or even what the gender of the person is. If I get mildly flirted with I'm flattered and I'm as liberal as a southerner can possibly be. So I would guess most people like some level of attention as long as it doesn't get weird. I saw weird this weekend when someone came on too strong to someone I didn't even know and I offered my assistance. I'm short, but I at least look crazy with the shaved head and tattoos.
    We are in agreement. It didn't get weird with the pizza guy, it was a flirt. I had to learn when I was a Duke student that not everyone understands the rules of "a flirt", particularly those who did not grow up in the South. But in the pizza shop in Cambridge, Massachusetts, we both understood the rules - neither of us was born in Cambridge, Massachusetts.

  5. #51465
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    Vermont
    Quote Originally Posted by Bostondevil View Post
    We are in agreement. It didn't get weird with the pizza guy, it was a flirt. I had to learn when I was a Duke student that not everyone understands the rules of "a flirt", particularly those who did not grow up in the South. But in the pizza shop in Cambridge, Massachusetts, we both understood the rules - neither of us was born in Cambridge, Massachusetts.
    are you implying that the waitresses down South who call me "Honey" don't want to necessarily have sex with me? This changes everything.

  6. #51466
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Location
    Durham, NC
    Quote Originally Posted by Bostondevil View Post
    We are in agreement. It didn't get weird with the pizza guy, it was a flirt. I had to learn when I was a Duke student that not everyone understands the rules of "a flirt", particularly those who did not grow up in the South. But in the pizza shop in Cambridge, Massachusetts, we both understood the rules - neither of us was born in Cambridge, Massachusetts.
    You're good. People who would be offended by that need to unclinch.

    Do you remember the uproar when some Duke students were offended by the cafeteria ladies calling them Honey? Dude, you're in the South. Get used to it, it's not an insult.

    Geez, I've been called Shoog all my life by men I may or may not know. You can tell when it's creepy.. When it's not, get over it. I never mind it.

  7. #51467
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Location
    Durham, NC
    Quote Originally Posted by budwom View Post
    are you implying that the waitresses down South who call me "Honey" don't want to necessarily have sex with me? This changes everything.
    You beat me to the post!

    No, she called the homeless guy with three teeth and BO the same thing.

  8. #51468
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Location
    Durham, NC
    Quote Originally Posted by ClemmonsDevil View Post
    That's going to be really hard (grapefruit).
    You have to try a little harder than that.

  9. #51469
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    Outside Philly
    Quote Originally Posted by aimo View Post
    You're good. People who would be offended by that need to unclinch.

    Do you remember the uproar when some Duke students were offended by the cafeteria ladies calling them Honey? Dude, you're in the South. Get used to it, it's not an insult.

    Geez, I've been called Shoog all my life by men I may or may not know. You can tell when it's creepy.. When it's not, get over it. I never mind it.
    Bless their hearts.

  10. #51470
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Location
    Atlanta, GA
    Quote Originally Posted by Bostondevil View Post
    Quandry.

    Yesterday as I was buying a slice of pizza to eat on my way to auditions, in a hurry and I needed portable food. The guy behind the counter told me the only pizza they had ready right then was spinach and garlic. I told him that was fine. He said he wasn't sure he should sell it to me because I might have to kiss somebody later. He was flirting with me. It was a fun, light encounter and I didn't mind it a bit. I probably have 20 years on they guy. To be perfectly honest, I was flattered that a pizza guy was still willing to flirt with me.

    What's my quandry? As someone who professes to be a feminist who is very anti-harassment, I don't care when youngish men flirt with me in pizza shops. Cognitive dissonance? Am I a traitor to the cause? Or is it just that I can tell when an exchange is harmless and I'm Ok with harmless flirting?
    Because this is DBR...
    *Quandary

  11. #51471
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Location
    Atlanta, GA
    I have really earned this week's Friday cheeseburger.

  12. #51472
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Location
    Durham, NC
    Quote Originally Posted by bundabergdevil View Post
    Bless their hearts.
    Exactly!

  13. #51473
    Quote Originally Posted by Bostondevil View Post
    Quandry.

    Yesterday as I was buying a slice of pizza to eat on my way to auditions, in a hurry and I needed portable food. The guy behind the counter told me the only pizza they had ready right then was spinach and garlic. I told him that was fine. He said he wasn't sure he should sell it to me because I might have to kiss somebody later. He was flirting with me. It was a fun, light encounter and I didn't mind it a bit. I probably have 20 years on they guy. To be perfectly honest, I was flattered that a pizza guy was still willing to flirt with me.

    What's my quandry? As someone who professes to be a feminist who is very anti-harassment, I don't care when youngish men flirt with me in pizza shops. Cognitive dissonance? Am I a traitor to the cause? Or is it just that I can tell when an exchange is harmless and I'm Ok with harmless flirting?
    As someone else who is unqualified to reply, let me mansplain my take...

    I'm married and middle aged. I'm no one's target demo. I look borderline homeless when I'm out and about most days.

    On the *extremely rare* occasion that I can tell someone - anyone - is interested in me, I find it endearing and alarming.

    Quick story time: back when I was about fifteen years more attractive, I was a regular at a brew pub, as in "there three or for days a week." One of the incredibly cute and friendly servers who worked there was talking about how much fun New Years was going to be - a bunch of staff were headed out together after work and planned on a wild night of drinking and dancing.

    She knew full well that I was married - my wife frequently joins me there - and that I probably had somewhere between fifteen and twenty years of age on her. But she asked if I wanted to be her "plus one" for the night.

    I don't know what was more endearing - that she thought I might be fun to have as a plus one for New Years, or that she thought it might be an innocent enough thing to invite a married old man like me to spend the evening with her.

    Regardless, I very politely declined. But clearly, it made an impact on me, ad I'm telling this story all these years later.

    My wife thought it was hilarious and that it was testament to how incredibly unthreatening I am - not to how wildly suave and attractive I am. But what does she know?

    I'm not saying that was the last time someone invited me out, but... It might have been.

    What were we talking about again?

  14. #51474
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Location
    Boston area, OK, Newton, right by Heartbreak Hill
    Quote Originally Posted by wilson View Post
    Because this is DBR...
    *Quandary
    We all have our blind spots. I have been misspelling quandary most of my life! I stand corrected and will learn from this experience.

  15. #51475
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Location
    Boston area, OK, Newton, right by Heartbreak Hill
    Quote Originally Posted by aimo View Post
    You're good. People who would be offended by that need to unclinch.

    Do you remember the uproar when some Duke students were offended by the cafeteria ladies calling them Honey? Dude, you're in the South. Get used to it, it's not an insult.

    Geez, I've been called Shoog all my life by men I may or may not know. You can tell when it's creepy.. When it's not, get over it. I never mind it.
    To finish this particular story. My response to the inquiry about whether or not I was going to kiss anybody later was something along the lines of "Maybe. My husband might want to kiss me later, I don't know, but I promise to brush my teeth first."

  16. #51476
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Location
    Boston area, OK, Newton, right by Heartbreak Hill
    Quote Originally Posted by Bostondevil View Post
    To finish this particular story. My response to the inquiry about whether or not I was going to kiss anybody later was something along the lines of "Maybe. My husband might want to kiss me later, I don't know, but I promise to brush my teeth first."
    OK, the story doesn't even stop there. There were several 20 something young men, probably Harvard students, sitting at a table in the same pizza shop speaking a language I did not know. I told them I was being nosy and wanted to know what language they were speaking. Hindi. I told them I could say one thing in Hindi. What? I said it. One responded, "I love you too". They then wanted to know how I knew that. I told them about my hobby. I told them I could say "I love you" in Punjabi, Nepalese, Bengali, and Tamil too. They turned to one of their group, "He's Tamil. How do you say it in Tamil?" He didn't know. I taught him.

  17. #51477
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    Outside Philly
    Quote Originally Posted by Bostondevil View Post
    OK, the story doesn't even stop there. There were several 20 something young men, probably Harvard students, sitting at a table in the same pizza shop speaking a language I did not know. I told them I was being nosy and wanted to know what language they were speaking. Hindi. I told them I could say one thing in Hindi. What? I said it. One responded, "I love you too". They then wanted to know how I knew that. I told them about my hobby. I told them I could say "I love you" in Punjabi, Nepalese, Bengali, and Tamil too. They turned to one of their group, "He's Tamil. How do you say it in Tamil?" He didn't know. I taught him.
    They are almost certainly having a conversation right now about whether your clear come on to 20 young men simultaneously was appropriate or harmless or creepers.

  18. #51478
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Location
    Boston area, OK, Newton, right by Heartbreak Hill
    Quote Originally Posted by bundabergdevil View Post
    They are almost certainly having a conversation right now about whether your clear come on to 20 young men simultaneously was appropriate or harmless or creepers.
    20-something in age, there were 5 of them at the table. They were fine with it. I have, in the past, made people cry (happy tears) by saying something to them in their own language here in the US.

  19. #51479
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    Outside Philly
    Quote Originally Posted by Bostondevil View Post
    20-something in age, there were 5 of them at the table. They were fine with it. I have, in the past, made people cry (happy tears) by saying something to them in their own language here in the US.
    Too late. I’m definitely having the tea later and saying, “don’t you know, BD was telling random young men she loved them again. Such a Samantha”.

  20. #51480
    Quote Originally Posted by bundabergdevil View Post
    Too late. I’m definitely having the tea later and saying, “don’t you know, BD was telling random young men she loved them again. Such a Samantha”.
    Virtual and in your underwear?

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