Lots of sympathy and empathy...
Originally Posted by
freshmanjs
Yeah, that's an issue too. Although I've told her she can go if she wants. I'm trying not to make it about money in her case. These kids will learn a lot about resilience and flexibility, so that's a benefit. It's sad to hear her already saying things like "if I only lose 1 semester, that's pretty good." (recognizing this is a first world problem).
As a parent, and one with a Duke UG who had the good fortune to have a marvelous gap year [because nothing was closed as so much is now], I just want to express my sympathy and empathy. Shepherding our children through their journey to begin college is filled with great effort and great expectations.
I admire your recognizing your situation as a first world problem, yet when it involves our own children that is not much consolation. It's a "precious my daughter" problem.
I do believe, strongly, that adversity can be our pathway to learning and growth -- learning and growth that we could not experience otherwise. My view comes from my own experience and that of others. I am currently confronting lymphoma and I am deeply grateful for the learnings I have gained -- learnings that I don't think I could have gained without this kind of existential challenge.
So, my hope for you and your daughter is that you frame/reframe this situation as a challenge: How can we create an experience that we couldn't have had otherwise? Perhaps it is in the form of some kind of service. The key is to affirm that what looks now like lemons can be converted to lemonade.
Harriet Tubman is one of my heroes. An unbelievably courageous person. Her "gap year" wasn't promising, and she had every excuse imaginable to declare herself unfit and not responsible for taking it upon herself to free over 700 slaves. Whenever I think of my own limits, and my seemingly daunting circumstances, I picture Harriet looking at me, perhaps rolling her eyes, and saying, "Sorry, I'm not buying it. Get out there and do what you can."
I hope that you don't mind my speaking so personally. As a Dad, your post spoke to my heart.
Go Duke!
“I love it. Coach, when we came here, we had a three-hour meeting about the core values. If you really represent the core values, it means diving on the floor, sacrificing your body for your teammates, no matter how much you’re up by or how much you’re down by, always playing hard.” -- Zion