The longest thread ever

[OldPhiKap]

Back at ya on the honeymoon.

In retrospect, the livestream was a mistake I regret deeply.

[missfinch]

In retrospect, the livestream was a mistake I regret deeply.

Hahaha!

[ClemmonsDevil]

In retrospect, the livestream was a mistake I regret deeply.

Fighting. The. Urge.

[bundabergdevil]

In retrospect, the livestream was a mistake I regret deeply.

But it did launch your OF career!

[Phredd3]

In retrospect, the livestream was a mistake I regret deeply.

That was laugh out loud funny right there. Good work!

[Bostondevil]

In other news, the defective part in my new oven has been replaced and now it works.

[ClemmonsDevil]

In other news, the defective part in my new oven has been replaced and now it works.

Seems like you were without for a long time.

[budwom]

In other news, the defective part in my new oven has been replaced and now it works.

First time I used the self cleaning feature on my oven it blew out the circuit board. Nice engineering

[Bostondevil]

Seems like you were without for a long time.

Demo on my kitchen was 324 days ago. Everything except the oven has been useable since October.

[CameronBlue]

Demo on my kitchen was 324 days ago. Everything except the oven has been useable since October.

Mine still doesn't work. Lots of superfluous sensors that do nothing important except blow out periodically which shuts the whole thing down. Even completely turned off the sensors were malfunctioning so I had to throw the breaker in the garage to stop the incessant beeping alerting with some code called an "F4". Now I have a built-in hole in the wall which is only useful at Christmas when I put a little Nativity scene inside it. "Don't worry" I explain to the little Christ baby "I won't immolate you". Are you on good terms with your Dad? Cause it would take an Act of God to bring this piece of crap back to life.

I'm truly tempted to convert it into a indoor charcoal grill. It has absolutely no other value and I have to say it sends me into apoplexy just thinking about it. Fortunately my wife loved to shop late-night and we now own two Nu-Wave cookers, not one, yes two, along with a convection toaster oven and a 1.4kW microwave which does most of the heavy-lifting. I want to replace our oven with a Bosch but no one makes a 24-inch built in oven, except of course Kenner, which makes the Easy-Bake. And that comes in handy when I invite all the local kids over for a tea party on Saturday afternoons. Child services checks in with me regularly.

[ClemmonsDevil]

Demo on my kitchen was 324 days ago. Everything except the oven has been useable since October.

Oh. My. God.

[CameronBlue]

Oh. My. God.

Sounds like the supply chain is missing a link or two.

[ClemmonsDevil]

Mine still doesn't work. Lots of superfluous sensors that do nothing important except blow out periodically which shuts the whole thing down. Even completely turned off the sensors were malfunctioning so I had to throw the breaker in the garage to stop the incessant beeping alerting with some code called an "F4". Now I have a built-in hole in the wall which is only useful at Christmas when I put a little Nativity scene inside it. "Don't worry" I explain to the little Christ baby "I won't immolate you". Are you on good terms with your Dad? Cause it would take an Act of God to bring this piece of crap back to life.

I'm truly tempted to convert it into a indoor charcoal grill. It has absolutely no other value and I have to say it sends me into apoplexy just thinking about it. Fortunately my wife loved to shop late-night and we now own two Nu-Wave cookers, not one, yes two, along with a convection toaster oven and a 1.4kW microwave which does most of the heavy-lifting. I want to replace our oven with a Bosch but no one makes a 24-inch built in oven, except of course Kenner, which makes the Easy-Bake. And that comes in handy when I invite all the local kids over for a tea party on Saturday afternoons. Child services checks in with me regularly.

I feel like this is a cry for help.

[bundabergdevil]

Dam it duck. No grapes! Waddle the heck away!

[OldPhiKap]

A duck goes into a bar, waddles up to the bar, jumps up on a stool and asks the bartender, “do you have any grapes?”

The bartender looks at the duck impatiently. “No, this is a bar. We don’t have any grapes.” So the duck leaves.

The next day, the same duck goes back into the bar, jumps up on a stool and looks at the bartender. “Do you have any grapes?”

“No, i told you yesterday,” the bartender barks angrily. “This is a bar, we don’t have grapes.” So the duck leaves.

The very next day, the duck goes back into the bar and jumps up on a stool. “Do you have any grapes?” he asks.

The bartender explodes at the duck. “Look, you’ve come in here the last two days and I’ve explained to you — THIS. IS. A. BAR! We do NOT have any grapes. If you come in here one more time and ask for grapes, I will nail your feet to the stool and your bill to the bar!!!!” The duck beats a quick retreat.

A week goes by.

After a week, the duck comes in to the bar and jumps up on a stool in front of the bartender. “Do you have any nails?” The duck asks.

“No,” says the bartender, “I don’t have any nails.”

“Good,” responds the duck.

“You got any grapes?”

[ClemmonsDevil]

Horse walks into a bar. Bartender looks at him and says: "Why the long face?"

[ClemmonsDevil]

Baby seal walks into a club.

[missfinch]

Baby seal walks into a club.

That’s just awful.

[OldPhiKap]

A dyslexic walks into a bra.

[ClemmonsDevil]

That’s just awful.

Do you know what a baby seals least favorite drink is? Canadian club.