Vending machines are a big part of my life. I like when you reach in to a vending machine to grab your candy bar, that flap goes up to block you from reaching up. That's a good invention. Before that, it was hard times for vending machine owners.
"What candy bar are you getting?"
"That one...and every one on the bottom row."
--Mitch Hedberg
I was gonna get a candy bar, and the button I was supposed to press was HH. So, I went to the side and found the H button and pushed it twice. Effing potato chips came out, man, because they had an HH button for christ's sakes. You need to let me know. I'm not familiar with the concept of HH. I did not learn my AA BB CC's. --Mitch Hedberg
I get the Reese's candy bar. If you read that, that's a Reese with an apostrophe s. That mean the candy bar is his. I did not know that. Next time you're eating a Reese's candy bar and a guy named Reese comes by and says, "Let me have that", you'd better hand it over. "I'm sorry, Reese. I did not ever think I'd run into you. You're a real bully, man. Let me at least have a piece." --Mitch Hedberg
Sorry for the Mitch barrage. It was too quiet in here.
Am I afraid of being alone with my thoughts? No...surely.
And don't call me Shirley.
Bad news out there...
burn the allegedly lucky socks.