Sir Onion Weighs in on K's Retirement

[moonpie23]

Funny is funny...

[Mtn.Devil.91.92.01.10.15]

Yeah, I saw that yesterday and sent it to my contacts. Pretty funny.

[Bluedog]

The ironic thing is we've been seeing Coach K a lot this tournament with a duck. The Aflac duck.

[ChrisP]

I usually love whatever The Onion puts out but could have done without the crack at the end. Something about K favoring "the whitest and most petulant duck".

[Mtn.Devil.91.92.01.10.15]

I usually love whatever The Onion puts out but could have done without the crack at the end. Something about K favoring "the whitest and most petulant duck".

Bah. It's a joke.

[sagegrouse]

i usually love whatever the onion puts out but could have done without the crack at the end. Something about k favoring "the whitest and most petulant duck".

aflac!

[freshmanjs]

I usually love whatever The Onion puts out but could have done without the crack at the end. Something about K favoring "the whitest and most petulant duck".

I thought that was the only funny line. The rest could have been funny if it were better written. Sounds like it was written by someone who knows nothing about basketball.

[ClemmonsDevil]

I thought that was the only funny line. The rest could have been funny if it were better written. Sounds like it was written by someone who knows nothing about basketball.

I will forever defend The Onion after this bit of genius.

Onion amicus brief - Supreme Court of the United States https://www.supremecourt.gov/DocketP...us%20Brief.pdf

[jipops]

I usually love whatever The Onion puts out but could have done without the crack at the end. Something about K favoring "the whitest and most petulant duck".

I thought that was hilarious. In this way, we have to be able to laugh at ourselves.

[dukelifer]

I thought that was the only funny line. The rest could have been funny if it were better written. Sounds like it was written by someone who knows nothing about basketball.

Here is ChatGPT’s attempt

Coach K was determined to teach these ducks how to play man-to-man defense. He had already tried to teach them zone defense, but the ducks had just waddled around aimlessly, not quite grasping the concept of guarding a specific area.

So, Coach K decided to take matters into his own hands and demonstrate man-to-man defense himself. He put on a pair of duck feet flippers, took a deep breath, and jumped into the pond.

The ducks watched in amazement as Coach K swam towards them, flapping his flippers and shouting out instructions. "Okay, ducks! This is how you play man-to-man defense. You need to stick to your man like glue, and don't let them get by you!"

The ducks stared at him blankly, but Coach K was undeterred. He swam towards the first duck and tried to mimic the duck's movements, flapping his flippers in the same way. The duck just looked at him, puzzled.

Coach K moved on to the next duck, determined to get through to them. "Come on, guys! You can do this! Just stay with your man and don't let them get by you!"

But the ducks were more interested in nibbling on bits of bread floating on the water than learning how to play defense. They quacked and honked and paddled around aimlessly, ignoring Coach K's coaching.

In the end, Coach K gave up on teaching the ducks man-to-man defense. He climbed out of the pond, dripping wet and defeated. He realized that maybe ducks weren't meant to play basketball after all. But as he fed them their favorite bread, he couldn't help but think that they were still pretty great athletes in their own way.

[clinresga]

Here is ChatGPT’s attempt

Coach K was determined to teach these ducks how to play man-to-man defense. He had already tried to teach them zone defense, but the ducks had just waddled around aimlessly, not quite grasping the concept of guarding a specific area.

So, Coach K decided to take matters into his own hands and demonstrate man-to-man defense himself. He put on a pair of duck feet flippers, took a deep breath, and jumped into the pond.

The ducks watched in amazement as Coach K swam towards them, flapping his flippers and shouting out instructions. "Okay, ducks! This is how you play man-to-man defense. You need to stick to your man like glue, and don't let them get by you!"

The ducks stared at him blankly, but Coach K was undeterred. He swam towards the first duck and tried to mimic the duck's movements, flapping his flippers in the same way. The duck just looked at him, puzzled.

Coach K moved on to the next duck, determined to get through to them. "Come on, guys! You can do this! Just stay with your man and don't let them get by you!"

But the ducks were more interested in nibbling on bits of bread floating on the water than learning how to play defense. They quacked and honked and paddled around aimlessly, ignoring Coach K's coaching.

In the end, Coach K gave up on teaching the ducks man-to-man defense. He climbed out of the pond, dripping wet and defeated. He realized that maybe ducks weren't meant to play basketball after all. But as he fed them their favorite bread, he couldn't help but think that they were still pretty great athletes in their own way.

Gawd, that's awful. Maybe I don't have to be quite so worried about the impending rise of Skynet. Or at least if we lose, we'll be the ones laughing.

[OldPhiKap]

Gawd, that's awful. Maybe I don't have to be quite so worried about the impending rise of Skynet. Or at least if we lose, we'll be the ones laughing.

I, for one, was hoping that our impending cyber overlords would at least have a sense of humor.

[AGDukesky]

Gawd, that's awful. Maybe I don't have to be quite so worried about the impending rise of Skynet. Or at least if we lose, we'll be the ones laughing.

Yeah, it is hard to learn a sense of humor

[ClemmonsDevil]

Gawd, that's awful. Maybe I don't have to be quite so worried about the impending rise of Skynet. Or at least if we lose, we'll be the ones laughing.

Plus he would never initially try to teach them zone. Zone is defeatist.

[ClemmonsDevil]

Yeah, it is hard to learn a sense of humor

OPK definitely knows that.

[OldPhiKap]

OPK definitely knows that.

Zing!

[AGDukesky]

Plus he would never initially try to teach them zone. Zone is defeatist.

Great point! Maybe The Onion was confusing K with Boeheim?

[OldPhiKap]

Plus ducks are territorial. Zone is the one defense they would already know.

[ClemmonsDevil]

Plus ducks are territorial. Zone is the one defense they would already know.

Pair of ducks is called a brace.
Ducks (diving) - a dopping of ducks
Ducks (flying) - a plump of ducks
Ducks (on water) - a paddling of ducks

I love the internet.

[OldPhiKap]

Ducks (on plate in France) = confit.