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Thread: Ymm, Spicy Food

  1. #81
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    Undisclosed
    Maybe we should merge this thread with the fitness thread:

    https://www.uchicagomedicine.org/for...y-or-dangerous
    "We're only tourists in this life
    Only tourists but the view is nice"

    -- David Byrne

  2. #82
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Location
    Raleigh
    Quote Originally Posted by devildeac View Post
    Attachment 10145Attachment 10145

    This story reminds me of the Texas Chili Cook-off joke which I'll post in its entirety shortly.
    There are a few bad words if you read the whole joke carefully, but, here ya go, with a sports link to keep it DBR relevant :

    https://247sports.com/college/texas-...koff-54714808/

    "Notes from an inexperienced Chili taster named Frank, who was visiting Texas from the East Coast:

    Recently I was honoured to be selected as an outstanding famous celebrity in Texas, to be a judge at a Chili cook-off, because no one else wanted to do it. Also the original person called in sick at the last moment, and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions to the beer wagon when the call came. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy, and besides, they told me that I could have free beer during the tasting. So I accepted.

    Here are the scorecards from the event:

    CHILI # 1: MIKE'S MANIC MONSTER CHILI

    JUDGE ONE: A little to heavy on tomato. Amusing kick.

    JUDGE TWO: Nice, smooth tomato flavour. Very mild.

    FRANK: Holy I'm a real wanker for saying this.I'm a real wanker for saying this.I'm a real wanker for saying this.I'm a real wanker for saying this., what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway with this stuff. I needed two beers to put the flames out. Hope that's the worst one. Those Texans are crazy.

    CHILI # 2: ARTHUR'S AFTERBURNER CHILI

    JUDGE ONE: Smokey, with a hint of pork. Slight Jalapeno tang.

    JUDGE TWO: Exciting BBQ flavour. Needs more peppers to be taken seriously.

    FRANK: Keep this out of reach of children! I'm not sure what I am supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave of two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich manoeuvre. They had to walkie-talkie in three extra beers when they saw the look on my face.

    CHILI # 3: FRED'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI

    JUDGE ONE: Excellent firehouse chili! Great kick. Needs more beans.

    JUDGE TWO: A beanless chili. A bit salty. Good use of red peppers.

    FRANK: Call the EPA, I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Barmaid pounded me on the back; now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting I'm a real wanker for saying this.I'm a real wanker for saying this.I'm a real wanker for saying this.I'm a real wanker for saying this.-faced.

    CHILI # 4: BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC

    JUDGE ONE: Black Bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.

    JUDGE TWO: Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods. Not much of a chili.

    FRANK: I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Sally, the barmaid, was standing behind me with fresh refills; that 300 lb bitch is starting to look HOT, just like this nuclear-waste I'm eating.

    CHILI # 5: LINDA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER

    JUDGE ONE: Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.

    JUDGE TWO: Chili using shredded beef; could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.

    FRANK: My ears are ringing, and I can no linger focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly from a pitcher onto it. It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Freakin' Rednecks! ! !

    CHILI # 6: VERA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY

    JUDGE ONE: Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spice and peppers.

    JUDGE TWO: The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions and garlic.

    FRANK: My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulphuric flames. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that slut Sally. I need to wipe my I'm a real wanker for saying this.I'm a real wanker for saying this.I'm a real wanker for saying this. with a snow cone!

    CHILI # 7: SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI

    JUDGE ONE: A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.

    JUDGE TWO: Ho Hum. Tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. I should note that I am worried about Judge # 3.

    FRANK: You could puta #)$^@#*&! Grenade in my mouth, pull the #)$^@#*&! pin, and I wouldn't feel a d@&$ thing. I've lost the sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my X*$(@#^&$ mouth. My pants are full of lava-like I'm a real wanker for saying this.I'm a real wanker for saying this.I'm a real wanker for saying this.I'm a real wanker for saying this., to match my X*$(@#^&$ shirt. At least the during the autopsy they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing, it's too painful. I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the four inch hole in my stomach.

    CHILI # 8: HELEN'S MOUNT SAINT CHILI

    JUDGE ONE: A perfect ending. This is a nice blend chili, safe for all; not too bold, but spicy enough to declare its existence.

    JUDGE TWO: This final entry isa good balanced chili, neither mild now hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge # 3 passed out, fell and pulled the chili pot on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor Yank.

    FRANK: - - - - - Mama?- - - (Editor's Note: Judge # 3 was unable to report)."
    [redacted] them and the horses they rode in on.

  3. #83
    Ninth Street Wings (long since gone) had 24 levels of hot wings on their board.
    On my first visit, I asked our server if there were legit differences across the spectrum.
    The answer I got was depends on which of the two chefs was in, and the one that does the best job was in the kitchen.

    I ordered a dozen wings of 3 from the top of this 24 point heat scale.

    After 3-4, my brow broke out in a sweat, and my mouth was aflame.

    Unaware of milk, etc role in downplaying oily heat at the time, it took two pitchers of beer and 3 pitchers of water before some semblance of order was restored.

    Not richardjackson199 level of a story, his story brought back memories.
    Good times.

  4. #84
    devildeac, that chili story has my sides hurting every time I read it.

  5. #85
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Location
    Raleigh
    Quote Originally Posted by fuse View Post
    devildeac, that chili story has my sides hurting every time I read it.

    Added bonus is that the wankerizer already took care of all the naughty words and hopefully maintained my posting privileges...

    [redacted] them and the horses they rode in on.

  6. #86
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    Winston-Salem, NC
    Quote Originally Posted by devildeac View Post
    There are a few bad words if you read the whole joke carefully, but, here ya go, with a sports link to keep it DBR relevant :

    https://247sports.com/college/texas-...koff-54714808/

    "Notes from an inexperienced Chili taster named Frank, who was visiting Texas from the East Coast:

    Recently I was honoured to be selected as an outstanding famous celebrity in Texas, to be a judge at a Chili cook-off, because no one else wanted to do it. Also the original person called in sick at the last moment, and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions to the beer wagon when the call came. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy, and besides, they told me that I could have free beer during the tasting. So I accepted.

    Here are the scorecards from the event:

    CHILI # 1: MIKE'S MANIC MONSTER CHILI

    JUDGE ONE: A little to heavy on tomato. Amusing kick.

    JUDGE TWO: Nice, smooth tomato flavour. Very mild.

    FRANK: Holy I'm a real wanker for saying this.I'm a real wanker for saying this.I'm a real wanker for saying this.I'm a real wanker for saying this., what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway with this stuff. I needed two beers to put the flames out. Hope that's the worst one. Those Texans are crazy.

    CHILI # 2: ARTHUR'S AFTERBURNER CHILI

    JUDGE ONE: Smokey, with a hint of pork. Slight Jalapeno tang.

    JUDGE TWO: Exciting BBQ flavour. Needs more peppers to be taken seriously.

    FRANK: Keep this out of reach of children! I'm not sure what I am supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave of two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich manoeuvre. They had to walkie-talkie in three extra beers when they saw the look on my face.

    CHILI # 3: FRED'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI

    JUDGE ONE: Excellent firehouse chili! Great kick. Needs more beans.

    JUDGE TWO: A beanless chili. A bit salty. Good use of red peppers.

    FRANK: Call the EPA, I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Barmaid pounded me on the back; now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting I'm a real wanker for saying this.I'm a real wanker for saying this.I'm a real wanker for saying this.I'm a real wanker for saying this.-faced.

    CHILI # 4: BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC

    JUDGE ONE: Black Bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.

    JUDGE TWO: Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods. Not much of a chili.

    FRANK: I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Sally, the barmaid, was standing behind me with fresh refills; that 300 lb bitch is starting to look HOT, just like this nuclear-waste I'm eating.

    CHILI # 5: LINDA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER

    JUDGE ONE: Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.

    JUDGE TWO: Chili using shredded beef; could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.

    FRANK: My ears are ringing, and I can no linger focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly from a pitcher onto it. It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Freakin' Rednecks! ! !

    CHILI # 6: VERA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY

    JUDGE ONE: Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spice and peppers.

    JUDGE TWO: The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions and garlic.

    FRANK: My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulphuric flames. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that slut Sally. I need to wipe my I'm a real wanker for saying this.I'm a real wanker for saying this.I'm a real wanker for saying this. with a snow cone!

    CHILI # 7: SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI

    JUDGE ONE: A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.

    JUDGE TWO: Ho Hum. Tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. I should note that I am worried about Judge # 3.

    FRANK: You could puta #)$^@#*&! Grenade in my mouth, pull the #)$^@#*&! pin, and I wouldn't feel a d@&$ thing. I've lost the sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my X*$(@#^&$ mouth. My pants are full of lava-like I'm a real wanker for saying this.I'm a real wanker for saying this.I'm a real wanker for saying this.I'm a real wanker for saying this., to match my X*$(@#^&$ shirt. At least the during the autopsy they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing, it's too painful. I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the four inch hole in my stomach.

    CHILI # 8: HELEN'S MOUNT SAINT CHILI

    JUDGE ONE: A perfect ending. This is a nice blend chili, safe for all; not too bold, but spicy enough to declare its existence.

    JUDGE TWO: This final entry isa good balanced chili, neither mild now hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge # 3 passed out, fell and pulled the chili pot on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor Yank.

    FRANK: - - - - - Mama?- - - (Editor's Note: Judge # 3 was unable to report)."
    Quality! Beergoddess and I rolling with laughter

  7. #87
    Quote Originally Posted by richardjackson199 View Post
    This warms my heart, or more accurately burns my heart.

    During my first year of dating my now-wife, we went to East Coast Wings with 2 friends before seeing a movie. I've done a lot more stupid shenanigans than betting $50 pies on DBR, but this was near the top. They had some wing on the menu that I had to sign a waiver to eat. I asked the waitress why I only got 1, and to just go ahead and bring me 12. I'm thinking, hell, BW3's Blazin challenge was weak, I have the T-shirt for conquering Bandido's 7-pound burrito, and I've eaten Dave's Insanity sauce.

    I started eating these wings and maybe got about 4 swallowed before I knew I had a serious problem. I was pretty quiet rest of dinner praying the concentrated sulfuric acid they'd obviously coated these things in didn't burn through my entire pancreas like brown recluse venom.

    About 45 minutes into the movie, I told my date we needed to leave. I wasn't sure if we were going to the Emergency Room, or what, but we stopped first at CVS. I ran straight to the Pepto and drank 4 bottles right there in the store. Fortunately the movie we missed was Terminator Salvation and I had saved beergoddess and our friends from seeing any more of that garbage. And more fortunately my alimentary canal was also given Salvation rather than Terminated. Lesson learned. Still shocked to this day that she married me after that.

    As I recall, you were anything but "quiet" after that 4th wing. Needless to say, the date was a most memorable adventure

  8. #88
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Location
    Raleigh
    Quote Originally Posted by beergoddess View Post
    As I recall, you were anything but "quiet" after that 4th wing. Needless to say, the date was a most memorable adventure
    Similar story with the future Mrs. dd and yours truly on a very early date in our relationship had to do with Mongolian beef that was more like Szechuan/Sichuan style than plain old beef, onions, garlic, ginger, soy and brown sugar...

    "Still crazy after all these years..."
    [redacted] them and the horses they rode in on.

  9. #89
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Location
    Greensboro, NC
    Quote Originally Posted by richardjackson199 View Post
    This warms my heart, or more accurately burns my heart.

    During my first year of dating my now-wife, we went to East Coast Wings with 2 friends before seeing a movie. I've done a lot more stupid shenanigans than betting $50 pies on DBR, but this was near the top. They had some wing on the menu that I had to sign a waiver to eat. I asked the waitress why I only got 1, and to just go ahead and bring me 12. I'm thinking, hell, BW3's Blazin challenge was weak, I have the T-shirt for conquering Bandido's 7-pound burrito, and I've eaten Dave's Insanity sauce.

    I started eating these wings and maybe got about 4 swallowed before I knew I had a serious problem. I was pretty quiet rest of dinner praying the concentrated sulfuric acid they'd obviously coated these things in didn't burn through my entire pancreas like brown recluse venom.

    About 45 minutes into the movie, I told my date we needed to leave. I wasn't sure if we were going to the Emergency Room, or what, but we stopped first at CVS. I ran straight to the Pepto and drank 4 bottles right there in the store. Fortunately the movie we missed was Terminator Salvation and I had saved beergoddess and our friends from seeing any more of that garbage. And more fortunately my alimentary canal was also given Salvation rather than Terminated. Lesson learned. Still shocked to this day that she married me after that.
    My wife ate the one wing with signed waiver there. She did not ask for a second. Only time I've seen her sweat after eating hot stuff. She was also sure the wings wouldn't bother her. We laughed at her discomfort, of course!

    I think the wait staff is always entertained by the shenanigans.
    Man, if your Mom made you wear that color when you were a baby, and you're still wearing it, it's time to grow up!

  10. #90
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    Winston-Salem, NC
    Some of my favorite hot sauces and hot salsas are very hot, but flavorful. I don't want so much pain that it doesn't taste good, just some burn with good flavor. And I like it very hot. Pepper Palace makes an excellent Hot Habanero Salsa with outstanding flavor:

    https://pepperpalace.com/collections...al-x-hot-salsa

    Their regular Hot one with Jalapenos instead of Habanero is also good and flavorful if you like it hot, but not with as much burn:

    https://pepperpalace.com/collections...inal-hot-salsa

    Another one of my all-time favorites for flavor is the Pain is Good Batch #37 blend. Blending Habanero's, fresh Garlic, and Carrots really works:

    This is their original -
    https://www.hotsauce.com/pain-is-goo...yle-hot-sauce/

    And the Salsa version also has good flavor:
    https://www.hotsauce.com/pain-is-goo...-garlic-salsa/

    Marie Sharp's also makes nice use of the carrots blended with Habanero. If you like Marie Sharp's try some of the ones I recommended above.

    https://www.hotsauce.com/marie-sharp...iABEgIAbfD_BwE

    I smell a spicy super bowl party. But no more wings with waivers. Never never again.

  11. #91
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    Winston-Salem, NC
    Been a while since I've bought good hot sauce. In honor of this thread, I ordered some Kerala Vindaloo Curry sauce, Mateo's salsa, Pain is Good Batch #37 sauce, Marie Sharp's, and some Pepper Palace Original Xtra Hot Salsa. It will probably take me all year to eat, but I'll try to post some reviews eventually. Thanks for the suggestions!

  12. #92
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Location
    Norfolk, VA

    Indian Curry

    A brief Sea Story...

    A friend and I were wandering around Singapore at lunchtime. We popped into the coffee shop at a hotel, ordered beers while we perused the menu, ordered shrimp curry and another round of beers.

    Waiter brought out two plates of rice and two gravy boats full of curry. He placed a LARGE pitcher of water and two beers on the table.

    The curry made us breakout in a sweat, then our noses started to run. It was HOT but delicious.

    When we finished eating, the pitcher of water was empty, the beers untouched.
    Bob Green
    DBR Survivor Football Champion
    2010 & 2016

  13. #93
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Location
    Greenville, SC
    This spicy thread brings back memories.

    I frequently consume wings and things, but it was in NYC that I had the hottest meal that I have ever enjoyed. Three of us, recent college grads, were visiting another friend in New York and that friend guided us to a nearby Indian restaurant. I ordered the lamb vindaloo. My roots are in NC and during the time of this story I considered hot to be Texas Pete. This lamb was way beyond that, but delicious. I consumed it all, using four napkins, one in my lap and three in succession to wipe the top of my head. Those of us who are follicly challenged will probably understand.

  14. #94
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    Undisclosed
    Putting aside wings made hot just to make them hot, I sense a pattern that vindaloo is the hottest “normal” meal.

    Is there anything else that is just that bad-arse hot as a floor model?

    (reposted from a mistaken post on the end of the world virus thread. Oops.)
    "We're only tourists in this life
    Only tourists but the view is nice"

    -- David Byrne

  15. #95
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Location
    Raleigh
    Well, medical research confirms this thread:

    https://www.sciencedirect.com/scienc...35109719382063

    Guess the obvious conclusion would be, hot it good and hotter is better?

    [redacted] them and the horses they rode in on.

  16. #96
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    Undisclosed
    Quote Originally Posted by devildeac View Post
    Guess the obvious conclusion would be, hot it good and hotter is better?
    That was my go-to pick-up line in college, btw.
    "We're only tourists in this life
    Only tourists but the view is nice"

    -- David Byrne

  17. #97
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Location
    Raleigh
    From the article I linked above (looking directly at you RJ199):

    "It is probably not necessary to endure severe neurotoxicity to achieve the cardiovascular benefits of chili peppers."

    [redacted] them and the horses they rode in on.

  18. #98
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    Outside Philly
    Quote Originally Posted by devildeac View Post
    From the article I linked above (looking directly at you RJ199):

    "It is probably not necessary to endure severe neurotoxicity to achieve the cardiovascular benefits of chili peppers."

    Necessary got nothing to do with it!


    Seems like one of those, “glass of red wine is good for you so a bottle must be great for you!” Scenarios.

  19. #99
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Location
    Raleigh
    Chili Pepper Consumption and Cardiovascular Mortality (editorial)

    http://www.onlinejacc.org/content/74/25/3150

    (subscription)

    I'll quote the TL;DR version/concluding sentence:

    "Thus, adopting the Cretan Mediterranean diet would be much more likely to reduce cardiovascular risk than adding Tabasco sauce to the unhealthy American diet."

    [redacted] them and the horses they rode in on.

  20. #100
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Location
    Greenville, SC
    Quote Originally Posted by devildeac View Post
    Chili Pepper Consumption and Cardiovascular Mortality (editorial)

    http://www.onlinejacc.org/content/74/25/3150

    (subscription)

    I'll quote the TL;DR version/concluding sentence:

    "Thus, adopting the Cretan Mediterranean diet would be much more likely to reduce cardiovascular risk than adding Tabasco sauce to the unhealthy American diet."

    So dipping my Snickers in Cholula isn’t the answer?

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