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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Feb 2007

    Patrick Davidson is an Urban legend

    Now that the season is "officially" over I will post the Patrick Davidson info I have for the interested poster that was looking for the old thread touting Patrick's accomplishments. I saved the comments form various posters from the past and consolidated the following info for everyone. Please credit the contributions from the two DBR members that I saved a lot of the info from. Anyone else that originally posted some of the info on patrick's astounding accomplishments, please do not hesitate to come forward, as I do not remember who added what.

    Patrick Davidson is an Urban Legend - bluegrouse (3/2/2005 10:17:00 AM)

    A caller yesterday to WTEM in Washington claimed that Coach K pulled a Chaney is using Patrick Davidson as a goon against Chris Paul. Uhhh... lets see... Patrick is slower, less athletic, and no bigger than Paul. Now this is proper respect from the great unwashed fandom?
    What's interesting is that Wake has not learned how to act like a national basketball program. Prosser said the starting assignment for Patrick was "very curious." Lets consider what a hypothetical comment from Gary Williams/ Roy Williams/ Coach K would be. How about--
    "I know the coach had his reasons, but we were delighted to see Patrick instead of Daniel Ewing or Sean Dockery. I thought we should have been ahead by ten points."
    C'mon, Wake! Your're complaining because we are assigning a walk-on to guard your best player???

    Patrick Davidson is an Urban Legend - EdZackery (3/2/2005 12:30:00 PM)

    "Patrick Davidson is a son of a bitch!"
    "Patrick Davidson is the father of every kid in this town!"
    "Patrick Davidson once showed me a video of him making love to my wife, and it was the most beautiful thing I ever saw!"
    "One time I was with Patrick Davidson in the back of a pickup truck, along with a live deer. Davidson goes up to the deer and says, 'I'm Patrick Davidson! SAY IT!' Then he manipulates the deer's lips in such a way as to make it say, 'Patrickdavidson' ... It wasn't exactly like it, but it was pretty good for a deer!'"
    "He'd eat a homeless person if you dared him!"
    "His poop is used as currency in Argentina."
    "He sweats Gatorade"
    "He once breast-fed a flamingo back to health."
    "He hated Mexicans! And he was half Mexican! ....And he hated irony!"
    "I once saw him scissor kick Angela Landsbury."
    "He sheds his skin once a year."
    "He makes brooms somewhere in Georgia."
    "He did 3 tours in 'Nam... I was in Corpus Christi on business a month ago. I had this eight foot tall Asian waiter, which made me curious. I asked him his name. Sure enough it's Ho Tran Davidson!"
    "I once saw him eat a whole live chicken."
    "His favorite movie is 'One on One' with Robby Benson."
    "He sleeps eight hours a night! .... well, he was pretty normal when it came to that."
    "Patrick Davidson was a two ton man-mountain who could palm a medicine ball!"
    "Did I ever tell you about the time Davidson took me out to go get a drink with him? We go off looking for a bar and we can't find one. Finally Davidson takes me to a vacant lot and says, 'Here we are.' We sat there for a year and a half and sure enough someone constructs a bar around us. The day they opened we ordered a shot, drank it, and then burned the place to the ground. Davidson yelled over the roar of the flames, 'Always leave things the way you found em!'"
    "Patrick Davidson had a four day heart attack...a day for each chamber. At the autopsy, they said his heart looked like a basketball filled with riccotta cheese."
    "He once punched a hole in a cow just to see who was coming up the road."
    "He taught me how to make love to a woman, and how to scold a child."
    "They found $60 in change in his stomach."
    "He did all the makeup on the 'Planet of the Apes' movie."
    "He grew a 3rd arm and kept it in a vault."
    "Patrick Davidson drank a full glass of liquid LSD with his eggs. Then he slept for 8 months straight. When he woke he rubbed his eyes and said, 'All in all, I prefer gin.'"
    "They say Gene Roddenbery got the idea for Star Trek from listening to Davidson talk in his sleep."
    "He date raped David Bowie."
    "He once inhaled a seagull."
    "The Pope told him it was ok to have a mistress."
    "It was the sight of Davidson's naked body that drove Brian Wilson insane."
    "He once had sex with a cigarette machine."
    "He killed Wolfman Jack with a trident."
    "He uses the Shroud of Turin as a golf towel."
    "He once ate the Bible while water skiing."
    "He drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls."
    "He sired a baseball team.. an orchestra if you count the bastards!"
    "You know, he would shoot whiskey into his neck with a syringe!"
    "He has dandruff the size of mice!"
    "He jogged with a fridge on his back!"
    "Patrick Davidson was a 10 foot monster who slept with all our wives! And punched us all in the face! And we loved him for it!"
    "His first name is Bill! .... I'm drunk."
    "He's a ten foot tall beastman who showers in vodka and feeds his baby shrimp scampi."
    "He orchestrated the merger between Unicef and Smith & Wessen."
    "He went public with his own buttocks and made $7 million."
    "Did I ever tell you about the time Davidson went hunting? Davidson decides he's going to hunt down all four of the Banana Splits. He stalks and kills every one of them with a machette. They all begged for their lives...except Fleagle."
    "We once had a bachelor party for Patrick Davidson. He ate the entire cake before we could tell him there was a stripper in it."
    "Patrick Davidson once hosted the Grammys and gave every award to Corey Hart."
    "He has a toenail on the end of his penis."
    "Patrick Davidson once got his wife pregnant and gave birth to a delicious 16 ounce steak. The after birth was sauteed mushrooms."
    "Davidson's family crest is a picture of a baracudda eating Neil Armstrong."
    "Patrick Davidson ranked 18th in the AP College Football Pool."
    "Did I ever tell you about the time Patrick Davidson was in a production of, 'The King & I?' On opening night, Davidson chloroforms the entire cast and slowly eats them in front of the audience for two hours. The production got pretty good reviews."
    "He breastfeeds John Madden."
    "Patrick Davidson named the group Sha-Na-Na. They did NOT want to be called that."
    "If you drop a phonograph needle on Patrick Davidson's nipple, it plays the Beach Boys' 'Pet Sounds.'"
    "They use Davidson's foreskin as a tarp when it rains at Yankee stadium."
    "Patrick Davidson directed that commercial where the women play basketball in high heels."
    "All the 'Yes' album covers are Davidson family photos."
    "Did I ever tell you about the time he taught his son how to drive? He did it by entering him in the Indy 500. The kid wrecked and died. Davidson said it would've happened sometime."
    "Patrick Davidson's semen can form into a liquid human - like the guy from 'Terminator 2'"
    "He framed Roger Rabbit."
    "The character of Johnny Appleseed was based on Davidson - except for the apple tree planting and not raping men."

    Well worth saving, wasn't it?


  2. #2
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Wherever the wind blows and the leaves dance.

    good job

    Nice. Got a good chuckle. I liked number 72...because it was Patrick's favorite number.


  3. #3
    (on a separate note, Bill Brasky wipes the floor with Chuck Norris!)

  4. #4
    Patrick Davidson had the fastest horse, the prettiest sister, the surest rifle and the ugliest dog in Texas.

  5. #5
    Some scientists believe that there is no endpoint to evolution, others point to Patrick Davidson.

  6. #6

    Thank you!

    Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! I am the one who requested this a few weeks ago. You made my day!

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    You're welcome. I hope others save it again, as it should be noted as a classic DBR thread.


  8. #8
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Patrick Davidson once took a vacation to the Virgin Islands. They are now known as "The islands"
    Duke '03
    Tent 1 '99/'00

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Hot'Lanta... home of the Falcons!
    This list is not complete! I distinctly recall the following being part of the Patrick Davidson legend thread:

    Patrick Davidson is seven feet tall. He kills men by the hundreds. He will consume the Tarheels with fireballs from his eyes and bolts of lightning from his arse!
    --Jason "NASA uses Patrick Davidson's sweat as fuel for the Space Shuttle" Evans

  10. #10
    Patrick Davidson went to Burger King and ordered a Big Mac. And he got it.

    Patrick Davidson has a deep respect for human life, unless it gets in his way.

    Patrick Davidson won the Tour de France on a unicycle just to prove Lance Armstrong wasn't that big of a deal.

    God actually planned to create the world in 10 days, Patrick Davidson gave him 6.

  11. #11
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Steamboat Springs, CO

    The Grouse Confesses

    This excerpted thread is my seminal contribution to the DBR. I used to be known as "Blue Grouse," a species that lives in my yard here in the Rockies. Then the American Ornithologist's Union (yes, that's its name) split the species into "Dusky Grouse," the Rocky Mountain version, and "Sooty Grouse," found in the Cascades. Holy seminoli!! Who wants to belong to the Dusky Grouse club? As a friend's wife once said, "That bird name is so dumb it could only have been thought up by a man!" I changed my name to Sage Grouse, which is more impressive but doesn't actually live in my yard.

    My original post in the Patrick Davidson thread was following the Wake game in 2005. Duke had lost to Virginia Tech on the road and, on the bus trip home (where'e the supersonic helicopter?) K said later that he felt totally numb. Johnny Dawkins then suggested that the team start over. So K erased the starting lineup
    and essentially threw a jump ball at the next practice and let everyone compete for a job. The starting lineup consisted of Patrick Davidson, Patrick Johnson, Reggie Love plus JJ and Shelden. Davidson got into Chris Paul's grill big time in the first few minutes. After the game (a Wake loss, natch) Paul complained that Davidson was sent into the game to start a fight and get Paul thrown out. What a self-centered SOB! He and Skip Prosser should have said that they were happy to play a Duke team with three walk-ons on the court.

    The creative posts came later, and I was totally amazed at what the guys and gals came up with.

    Anyway, that's my story and I am sticking to it.


  12. #12
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Quote Originally Posted by JasonEvans View Post
    This list is not complete! I distinctly recall the following being part of the Patrick Davidson legend thread:

    --Jason "NASA uses Patrick Davidson's sweat as fuel for the Space Shuttle" Evans

    And yes, I believe Jason is correct, as there were more quotes that I was unable to retrieve when I did this.


  13. #13
    Of course the only thing I could think of when I saw this reddit post was our beloved Patrick Davidson...

  14. #14
    Quote Originally Posted by Nesto View Post
    Of course the only thing I could think of when I saw this reddit post was our beloved Patrick Davidson...
    That is downright legendary.

  15. #15
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Durham, NC
    Quote Originally Posted by ricks68 View Post
    And yes, I believe Jason is correct, as there were more quotes that I was unable to retrieve when I did this.

    Oh, yes! I remember more as well. From the old site. It took me way longer to read, while at work, tears running down my face.

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