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Thread: Aquaman

  1. #1
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    Aquaman

    I'm not going to get a chance to do a podcast on this sucker, so I thought I would post some comments.

    Aquaman is a bloated, confusing, CGI mess. Thankfully, Jason Momoa has lots of charism and they shoehorn in a few truly funny moments otherwise the film would be a total waste of time. Still, I quite literally threw my hands up in frustration at least 3 or 4 times during the middle third of the film at the absurd and baffling storytelling. Plus, the whole thing is too long by at least 25%. There simply wasn’t enough story to justify a nearly 2 ½ hour movie. If they had just lopped off all the yawn-inducing Black Manta stuff or tightened up the ridiculous “quest for the trident” and tucked this puppy in at something like 100 minutes, they might have made a decent film. Sadly, director James Wan never saw an excess he wasn’t willing to explore so the movie ends up being tedious and stupid.

    “But wait,” you say, “I’ve read so many reviews that say it isn’t that awful.” Well, I can explain that. I have decided we have entered the “DC curve” era of superhero movies. Everyone just knows DC movies are going to be dark, confusing, and devoid of interesting characters. So, when we get a tiny bit of humor or a little bit of on-screen charisma, we go gaga over it. If Aquaman was a Marvel movie, we’d be killing it as the worst thing since Thor: The Dark World (and, in truth, it is worse than The Dark World), but because it is actually slightly more watchable than Justice League and Batman vs. Superman, some critics are actually excited about it. In truth, the bottom line is that DC has struck out yet again. They are now 1-for-6 on making decent films and I’m starting to worry that Shazam will be a disaster too.



    Marvel has smartly tried to ground their movies in science and reality to some extent. DC doesn't care about explaining anything. If Aquaman wants to jump out of a plane a few thousand feet in the air without a parachute and just land on the ground without any damage, DC says fine. If the story says someone is going to stab Aquaman with a sword or shoot him with a grenade launcher, DC says Aquaman is unharmed. There seems to be no limit or explanation for anyone's powers or abilities. NOTHING IN THE MOVIE MAKES ANY SENSE!! As a result, there are no stakes, no sense of danger or tension. So, when we watch action scenes, we are left yawning and waiting for the mess of quick-cut, confusing CGI to end... and the CGI is the best part of the movie! Argh!!

    If you go to see Aquaman, set your expectations really, really, really low and be prepared to have no idea what is going on at times. Maybe... maybe... if you do that you won't hate your time at the movies. Sigh.

    -Jason "oh, and all the humor (while sometimes funny) seems forced. It is nowhere near as natural as in the Marvel movies" Evans
    Why are you wasting time here when you could be wasting it by listening to the latest episode of the DBR Podcast?

  2. #2
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    You weren't already concerned that Shazaam would be terrible? Everything I've seen looks pretty bad.

    Back to Aquaman, that Pit Bull song is truly awful.

  3. #3
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    It is at 69% on Rotten Tomatoes. I am convinced 69% of the critics were shown a different cut of the film than I was. Is there a version out there that just skips over the insanely boring and stupid quest for the trident (that ends up playing no role in the finale as far as I could tell)? Can I see that version of the film, please?
    Why are you wasting time here when you could be wasting it by listening to the latest episode of the DBR Podcast?

  4. #4
    I'm not convinced that Shazaam is supposed to be good. I think it's meant to be bad in a good kind of way. It reminds me a bit of The Tick, which is also bad in a good sort of way. That said, I did quickly grow tired of Amazon's recent take of The Tick.

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by Acymetric View Post
    You weren't already concerned that Shazaam would be terrible? Everything I've seen looks pretty bad.

    ...

    ANYTHING with Shaquille O'Neil is going to be awful!



    Oh, wait, that was Kazaam. … Eh, anything that SOUNDS like it has Shaquille O'Neal in it is bound to be awful!

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by BD80 View Post
    ANYTHING with Shaquille O'Neil is going to be awful!



    Oh, wait, that was Kazaam. … Eh, anything that SOUNDS like it has Shaquille O'Neal in it is bound to be awful!
    Shazaam is also the non-existant Kazaam alternate that had Sinbad in it.

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by JasonEvans View Post
    It is at 69% on Rotten Tomatoes. I am convinced 69% of the critics were shown a different cut of the film than I was. Is there a version out there that just skips over the insanely boring and stupid quest for the trident (that ends up playing no role in the finale as far as I could tell)? Can I see that version of the film, please?
    Maybe the trident contains an infinity stone...oh nevermind. I keep trying to like DC movies, but they make it tough. They have so much to work with. They should just reboot the whole franchise with better storytellers/writers. The real shame is that I like the cast. The stories are just hard to swallow.

  8. #8
    Quote Originally Posted by Reddevil View Post
    Maybe the trident contains an infinity stone...oh nevermind. I keep trying to like DC movies, but they make it tough. They have so much to work with. They should just reboot the whole franchise with better storytellers/writers. The real shame is that I like the cast. The stories are just hard to swallow.
    I think the trident is really just a big ol' spork...

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by JasonEvans View Post
    It is at 69% on Rotten Tomatoes. I am convinced 69% of the critics were shown a different cut of the film than I was. Is there a version out there that just skips over the insanely boring and stupid quest for the trident (that ends up playing no role in the finale as far as I could tell)? Can I see that version of the film, please?
    I just want to say that I was probably too harsh on the film. I'm betting a fair number of you end up liking it. There are simply too many voices saying this is a decent film. I must have been in a bad mood or something. I dunno...
    Why are you wasting time here when you could be wasting it by listening to the latest episode of the DBR Podcast?

  10. #10
    Have you considered that those 69% are 100% women? My female friends are all gaga about Jason Momoa!

  11. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by summerwind03 View Post
    Have you considered that those 69% are 100% women? My female friends are all gaga about Jason Momoa!
    I'm surprised he wasn't a star years ago. He was a regular on the show Stargate Atlantis (2004-'09), and then quiet for a bit until the Conan remake (2011), which I never heard anything about so I assume it flopped. I was a big Stargate fan and his character was a favorite. I figured he would have been big league long before now.
    Q "Why do you like Duke, you didn't even go there." A "Because my art school didn't have a basketball team."

  12. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by summerwind03 View Post
    Have you considered that those 69% are 100% women? My female friends are all gaga about Jason Momoa!
    Quote Originally Posted by CameronBornAndBred View Post
    I'm surprised he wasn't a star years ago. He was a regular on the show Stargate Atlantis (2004-'09), and then quiet for a bit until the Conan remake (2011), which I never heard anything about so I assume it flopped. I was a big Stargate fan and his character was a favorite. I figured he would have been big league long before now.
    https://www.yahoo.com/entertainment/...225007864.html

    And the Hawaiian actor looked completely unrecognizable in one picture PEOPLE unearthed of him on the set of Baywatch: Hawaii all the way back in 2000.
    Meh, I just don't see it

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  13. #13
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    A couple critics I know and admire spend 55 minutes just destroying Aquaman. I think I agree with every single spoken word in this podcast. Have a listen.

    http://collider.com/podcast-aquaman/#poster

    -Jason "the film did get a good Cinemascore so there must be some of you out there who liked it... I'm dying to hear how folks got past all the stupid to enjoy this film" Evans
    Why are you wasting time here when you could be wasting it by listening to the latest episode of the DBR Podcast?

  14. #14
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    I thought it was fine. Wasn't bad, wasn't great. Action/fighting scenes were the highlight. They did well with those.

  15. #15
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    This movie was truly awful. I got more total enjoyment out of Vincent Chase's portrayal of Aquaman than I did out of this steaming pile of garbage. It boggles my mind that some people actually thought it was good. My wife and I couldn't stop laughing at the movie, we were convinced it was a parody. The Fast and the Furious franchise could be taken more seriously than this movie. I bet the producers of Glitter are watching this movie and thinking, man I'm sure glad we avoided that trainwreck.

  16. #16
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    Marvel vs DC? I will take Justice League over the Avengers easily. Heck, Superman could take them all out by himself.
    And Wonder Woman vs Natasha Romanoff? No contest. She wouldn't need a magic rope to make me tell the truth. lol

  17. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by Devilwin View Post
    Marvel vs DC? I will take Justice League over the Avengers easily. Heck, Superman could take them all out by himself.
    And Wonder Woman vs Natasha Romanoff? No contest. She wouldn't need a magic rope to make me tell the truth. lol
    Superman can't handle magic. Enter Dr. Strange.

  18. #18
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    The Man of Steel would turn Dr Strange into Dr Normal..lol

  19. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by Devilwin View Post
    Marvel vs DC? I will take Justice League over the Avengers easily. Heck, Superman could take them all out by himself.
    And Wonder Woman vs Natasha Romanoff? No contest. She wouldn't need a magic rope to make me tell the truth. lol
    Aaaare we talking comics or movies? I'm assuming comics but I'd imagine somewhere in this crazy world there is a person who thought Justice League (2017) was superior to Avengers (2012).

    Plus you pretty much summed up why DC movies have proven difficult to adapt; almost every single hero is an omnipotent being and there has been no consistent vision for how to sustain drama through the DCU.

    Also, movie Dr. Strange would put movie Sups in a Dormammu time loop or transport him into a room with kryptonite and wash his hands of him.

    Regarding Aquaman, I'm somewhere in between luburch and UC; I thought the movie was fine, but I also know that at this point I mentally grade DC on a curve. There were pieces that were enjoyable (Khal Momoa, some of the CGI and fight scenes, the overall tone of the movie) but a lot of it was painfully cringey and dumbed down. DC humor has unfortunately become somewhat forced and predictable, as if they wrote the plot points first and put sticky notes of "insert joke here" randomly and then outsourced that work to a couple of high schoolers... It just never feels natural. Which sucks, because Jason Momoa is a objectively funny dude and could probably improv funnier stuff on the fly. For a story that is kinda-sorta in the same ballpark of Black Panther, the overall quality, vision, and staying power makes me question if it even belongs in the same genre.

  20. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by Devilwin View Post
    Marvel vs DC? I will take Justice League over the Avengers easily. Heck, Superman could take them all out by himself.
    And Wonder Woman vs Natasha Romanoff? No contest. She wouldn't need a magic rope to make me tell the truth. lol
    Marvel and DC seemingly have identical characters throughout so it would probably be a push.
    "The greatest enemy of knowledge is not ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge" -Stephen Hawking

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