You're Auburn, and you're too big, too sure of yourself to panic every time someone in Tuscaloosa raises a trophy. Once upon a time you panicked. Remember five years ago, when the university president led a secret delegation to interview Bobby Petrino at Louisville? That president and the genius boosters who egged him on forgot that Auburn still employed a football coach. They also proved to be about as clandestine as Inspector Clouseau.
Tommy Tuberville coached the Tigers to an 85-40 record during his Auburn tenure.
The media mocked you for months, and you looked even dumber when Tuberville took the team to a 13-0 record a year later.
Good thing that president is long gone. You've got a new athletic director, too. Surely they wouldn't be stupid enough to make the same mistake and run off Tuberville. During games, he barely has a pulse. They call him the Riverboat Gambler for his play-calling guts. And big games? Not only is he 7-3 against Alabama, he has won nine of his past 14 games against top-10 teams.
Off the field, his players don't get in trouble. They go to class, too. In 2007, 20 players had at least a 3.0 GPA.