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Billy Dat
12-19-2007, 02:32 PM
I have tickets to tomorrow night's Pitt game at MSG.

My wife is 34 weeks pregant with our 4th child. The other 3 have been full term or late. Early Saturday morning, she had some contractions and we spent several hours at the hospital getting checked out. Everything is fine, she needs to stay off her feet (not quite bed rest) and drink lots of fluids.

Early this morning (again 2:15AM on the button), same thing happened. We went to the hospital with the same result.

The doctors say there is no explanation for the contractions, that she and the baby are fine, that the odds are she will go full term, but the main concern is getting to 36 weeks (roughly New Years Day) after which they will be unconcerned about halting any apparant labor.

I want to go to the game. She has not asked me to skip the game. I don't want to offer to skip the game.

Her mother and father will be home with her while I am at the game. I will be home no later then 11PM - several hours prior to the usual 2:15AM shenanigans.

I understand that if the contractions start again while I am out, I will hear about it for the rest of my life. Honestly, that's the danger here. Before I receive a bunch of emails about how I might miss the birth of my child or I am putting my wife's health in danger - those are not real concerns per my conversations with her physician.

I thought this ethical dilemma would make for some interesting feedback from this board.

Karl Beem
12-19-2007, 02:35 PM
Tell your inlaws to take along the camcorder.

6th Man
12-19-2007, 02:46 PM
2 teams in the top 10 in one of the premier sporting venues in the country. Can't pass that up......afterall I assume you were there for your wife for the other 3. And if she really gets mad and your relationship goes south.....there's plenty of fish in the sea, but there is only one Duke basketball team. LOL! I feel your pain, but I think you know what you have to do. Just make sure you bring back a souvenir.

365Duke
12-19-2007, 02:47 PM
is me. I went to Fla. 2x for Duke games Final 4 and the other I think was Sweet 16. Two different years, and my wife was pregnant 34 weeks one time and 37 the other. Did not miss either of the births. Some I guess you can tell her this happens all the time, and 100% of the time, the man was back. I can vouch for ya:D :eek: :D

Trinity84
12-19-2007, 02:52 PM
You record the game and stay with your bride. Should you opt for the game you can rest assured that your decision will be critiqued- with contempt- by your wife and her parents for years to come. Always remember she is their little girl and you're just some sweaty guy she met at bar.

MrBisonDevil
12-19-2007, 02:53 PM
Set clear expectations for your family. Something like: "I will leave for work at 6am, but I will not return home at 11pm". Once clear expectations are put into place, there shouldn't be much guilt for anyone.

devilish
12-19-2007, 02:58 PM
She can prop her feet up on the seat in front of her and I'm sure they sell pleanty of "fluids" at MSG. Make sure you know where the Garden's emergency center is located before you find your seats.

wilko
12-19-2007, 03:03 PM
Trinity is prolly right...
But I feel your pain... If you saw the 1st 3 then you might have some karma stored up. I saw both of my boys being born... and once was enuff really.

No that I dont love my kids and my wife, but in this case im perfectly content to leave the wizard behind the curtain.

Ima Facultiwyfe
12-19-2007, 03:11 PM
Is it impossible to go to the game and answer a cell phone call and leave if she heads for the hospital? Or are you an out-of-towner?

It's not the wife's feelings I'm worried about. Wives are used to this sort of dilemma. But, years from now, when the story is being told for the umpteenth time, that fourth kid will (deep down inside) always remember that being #4 wasn't all that special in is dad's eyes. That does matter, I think.

Love, Ima:(

AluminumDuke
12-19-2007, 03:29 PM
let me tell you about an experience that I had in a similar situation. In 2003, while we lived in Kerrville, Texas (about 45 minutes Northwest of San Antonio), my wife asks me about joining some charitable women's society who's focus each year is a formal charity ball each Spring. I didn't see any reason to discourage her and agreed to watch our children while she went to the meetings. Fast forward to April of 2004, and guess what day they choose to have this God-forsaken event... that's right, on the Saturday of the Final Four. A friend and fellow Duke grad of mine has tickets and offers to let me use one of them. My wife, however, has no appreciation for the order of magnitude by which Duke in the Final Four trumps putting on a tuxedo and pretending to enjoy the company of a bunch of pretentious snobs who choose the recipient of their charitable funds based upon which organization will give their event the most positive press. Trapped by my previous commitment and my wife's failure to release me from it, I attend the charity ball rather than the game.

As the charity auction portion of the event is wrapping up, one of my friends who had a room at the hotel hosting the event grabs me and tells me I have to come watch the last few minutes of the game. Sure that my wife is too busy with the auction to notice my temporary absence, I proceed to my friend's hotel room where a group of about a dozen other like-minded men have gathered to do the logical thing (watch the game). Just as we enter the final minute of the game the phone in the room rings. Thinking that it is going to be his angry wife, my friend, for some inexplicable reason, answers it. When he utters the horrendous "Mike, it's your wife", the entire crowd in the room, understanding the personal significance of this game to any self-respecting Duke graduate, collectively moans. My wife, feelings hurt and embarrassed, claims that she had no idea that I was watching the game and was simply trying to find me to tell me that the auction was over. She wouldn't speak to me for days. I won't claim that this event is in any way central to the divorce proceedings now taking place, but that this story could even take place should well illustrate the problems with the marriage.

Don't make the same mistake I made. If your wife loves you, she will want you to be at the game and, even if by some bizarre turn of events ends up delivering in the middle of it, will subject you to little more than a little good-natured teasing. If, on the other hand, your marriage is somehow doomed like mine was, you'll still be in trouble even if you skip the game. I would much rather have my soon-to-be ex-wife telling every one that I chose the Final Four over her charity event than live with the disappointment of having missed an opportunity to see Duke in the Final Four in my own home town.

Mal
12-19-2007, 03:39 PM
You should absolutely go to the game. I'm a father of two with a wife who has zero tolerance for stereotypical "irresponsible male" behavior, but she would tell me to go. What, because there have been some false alarm contractions you're supposed to completely put your life on hold for the next 4 weeks? You may as well stop going to work every day, then. In the 4 hour window you'll be occupied by the game, there's less than a 1-in-100 chance anything will happen. If your doctors had said otherwise, I might have a different opinion, I guess.

As long as you're plugged in via cell phone and Blackberry, and/or call in to check every half hour, there's no reason not to go. Be pro-active, outlining your itinerary, giving her a backup phone number in case yours has problems, etc.

As an aside, I think societal norms have swung on this issue - I was the first born in my family, and my father was out playing tennis when my mom went into labor, right on schedule. Even 20 years before cell phones, they managed to find him and he made it in plenty of time. I've never held it against my dad.

Duvall
12-19-2007, 03:43 PM
My wife is ... pregnant with our 4th child.

Stay with your wife. It's December basketball.

dumc
12-19-2007, 03:56 PM
Husband left me alone in Duke Hospital to go to work 2 hours after the birth of our first child. I have held it against him for the last 17 yrs.


p.s. he's now my ex-husband


of course, he may be ex because he never cared about Duke basketball.

Devil in the Blue Dress
12-19-2007, 03:59 PM
Is it impossible to go to the game and answer a cell phone call and leave if she heads for the hospital? Or are you an out-of-towner?

It's not the wife's feelings I'm worried about. Wives are used to this sort of dilemma. But, years from now, when the story is being told for the umpteenth time, that fourth kid will (deep down inside) always remember that being #4 wasn't all that special in is dad's eyes. That does matter, I think.

Love, Ima:(

As a Duke graduate and fan, I can understand the desire to attend a game no matter what. I think Facultiwyfe has made an important point everyone else has overlooked and that is how your fourth child may feel about your absence when the story is told and retold years later.

OldPhiKap
12-19-2007, 04:04 PM
Easy.

Give me your ticket, and stay with your wife. I will bring a camcorder and record everything from the seat's vantage point.

Win-Win. (Win).

You can't find friends like this on other boards.

summerwind03
12-19-2007, 04:16 PM
Now, I planned the birth of my 2 year old to arrive in summer, so there wouldn't be any of those dilemmas (for me, not my husband). I personally would not expect my spouse to miss out on all life events for the next 6 weeks on the very slight chance that something could happen.

I guess if you're really worried about it, that is, you will feel guilty if you don't offer, you could broach the topic with your wife. I think that would be the mature thing to do. (But I wouldn't blame you if you didn't!)

blueprofessor
12-19-2007, 04:24 PM
:)
Ima is on target.Record the game and get together with other Duke fans to view the game.If we win, play it back. If we lose, destroy the recording. Tell your lovely wife you are more devoted to her than to Duke basketball. I assume you won't need to cross your fingers(personal matter) as you utter those words!Heh,heh. Your sacrifice will set a great example for your family and you will be a major hero to your wife. We need more heroes!
Recall the philosophical instruction of Aulus Gellius(Attic Nights):"Si sine uxore pati possemus,Quirites, omnes ea molestia careremus; sed quoniam ita natura tradidit, ut nec cum illis satis commode, nec sine illis ullo modo vivi possit, saluti perpetuae potius quam brevi voluptati consulendum est."
Essentially: It is difficult to live without a wife, and a man rather should look to his long-term welfare than to his short-term pleasure.
Congrats on the soon-to-be birth of a future Blue Devil!
Professor of Ethics:D

throatybeard
12-19-2007, 04:29 PM
I have tickets to tomorrow night's Pitt game at MSG.

My wife is 34 weeks pregant with our 4th child. The other 3 have been full term or late. Early Saturday morning, she had some contractions and we spent several hours at the hospital getting checked out. Everything is fine, she needs to stay off her feet (not quite bed rest) and drink lots of fluids.

Early this morning (again 2:15AM on the button), same thing happened. We went to the hospital with the same result.

The doctors say there is no explanation for the contractions, that she and the baby are fine, that the odds are she will go full term, but the main concern is getting to 36 weeks (roughly New Years Day) after which they will be unconcerned about halting any apparant labor.

I want to go to the game. She has not asked me to skip the game. I don't want to offer to skip the game.

Her mother and father will be home with her while I am at the game. I will be home no later then 11PM - several hours prior to the usual 2:15AM shenanigans.

I understand that if the contractions start again while I am out, I will hear about it for the rest of my life. Honestly, that's the danger here. Before I receive a bunch of emails about how I might miss the birth of my child or I am putting my wife's health in danger - those are not real concerns per my conversations with her physician.

I thought this ethical dilemma would make for some interesting feedback from this board.

Stick with your wife. It's a relatively meaningless early season game even by sporting standards.

And sports are relatively meaningless anyway.

Richard Berg
12-19-2007, 04:47 PM
I think Facultiwyfe has made an important point everyone else has overlooked and that is how your fourth child may feel about your absence when the story is told and retold years later.
I can do one better. The night I was born, my dad and my mom's ob/gyn went to the Spurs game together (they had season tickets next to each other). I grew up to be a Spurs fan and laugh every time I think about it.

Acymetric
12-19-2007, 04:49 PM
I agree, the big question here is whether its so far away that you couldn't get out of there and back home/to the hospital to be with the wife if she called you in the middle of the game.

Jfrosh
12-19-2007, 05:00 PM
Stick with your wife. It's a relatively meaningless early season game even by sporting standards.

And sports are relatively meaningless anyway.

Throaty, please ban yourself for stating such blasphamy ;-). There are no meaningless games.

It sounds like you may live close to MSG, if so then go, you can still get to the hospital in the remote possibility she does go into labor and as someone stated it will be a good story. Plus she needs to know where basketball's level of importance your life, set the tone early.

In all seriousness, if you live far away from MSG, stay home. All births are too important to miss or you may have an ex Mrs Dat.

captmojo
12-19-2007, 05:13 PM
Some things are unfortunately more relevant to life than basketball.:cool:

Did I really say that?:confused: Ouch!

Honor your sicker or poorer vow. Ouch! Stop it!:eek:

Stay with her. Hey! Damn that hurt!

patentgeek
12-19-2007, 05:24 PM
My personal rules about conflicts like this are governed by the general principle that you want to create positive karma for Duke, and the more people you inconvenience by trying to see the game, the worse the karma you generate and the more likely a loss is to occur. Look at AluminumDuke's experience: he found a way to watch the last few minutes of the 2004 Final Four game with UConn, and I remind you that the game slipped away in the last few minutes (probably coinciding directly with AlumDuke's watching - a curse upon you!).

Under this principle, you stay home, you make your overflowingly pregnant wife as comfortable as possible (back or foot rubs, hot tea, etc.), and you watch at home as Duke, lifted by the positive karma you have created, pummels Pitt. And all of us that read these boards will laud your sacrifice.

AluminumDuke
12-19-2007, 05:46 PM
Look at AluminumDuke's experience: he found a way to watch the last few minutes of the 2004 Final Four game with UConn, and I remind you that the game slipped away in the last few minutes (probably coinciding directly with AlumDuke's watching - a curse upon you!).

OK, so maybe it was more than a few minutes that I watched. We probably would have won if she hadn't called. We haven't made it past the Sweet Sixteen since she made Duke Basketball a focal point of her anger towards me. When she kept us from even advancing to the second round, I'd had enough. Hopefully with the curse of my marriage lifted we'll be able to return to previous glories. (Unfortunately, North Carolina has this silly rule that you must be separated for an entire year before the divorce can become final, so we may need some legal help for this year's tournament.;) )

mapei
12-19-2007, 05:55 PM
If it were me, I'd hang with the wife, not the game, but not because of the seriously remote possibility that the 4th kid would feel slighted.

pamtar
12-19-2007, 06:07 PM
Read the title and first line...skipped to end of thread to post and......GO!

jjasper0729
12-19-2007, 06:44 PM
don't know if i'm the right person to give advice. I tried to schedule my son's c-section birth (a week before he was ultimately scheduled) between home games so i could walk to cameron the day after he was born. ended up going to a game on a saturday (with cell phone in pocket), getting home at midnight, turning around at 3 in the morning on sunday because she was having contractions (false alarm) and back to duke hospital monday morning for the birth.

if something had happened during that saturday game, i'd have been off the seat and out the door (and ironically, right back to duke after going home) so it's hard to say.

-jk
12-19-2007, 06:59 PM
As a father of two (July kids both - I'm no fool!), let me remind you: she's six weeks out.

Go to the bloody game. Carry your cell phone - and have her text you (far more reliable than voice in a crowded venue) if there's an untoward, um, issue.

Unless, of course, her OB is worried about a preemie.

(What can I say: my mother rasied us right. She always told us to just prop her up if she "went" during a game; she always figured it would be a close Duke-UNC game. She managed to deliver and raise four kids and not miss a single home game for over four decades.)

-jk

Zeke
12-19-2007, 10:02 PM
Stay with your woman you fool. You should have no question about this. There will be a lot of other Duke games in MSG but she needs/wants you. The fact that she hasn't said anything about it speaks volumes.

3rd Dukie
12-19-2007, 10:17 PM
I live in California. My wife is due about the same time. Can I have your ticket?

weezie
12-19-2007, 10:24 PM
Trinity is prolly right...
But I feel your pain... If you saw the 1st 3 then you might have some karma stored up. I saw both of my boys being born... and once was enuff really.

No that I dont love my kids and my wife, but in this case im perfectly content to leave the wizard behind the curtain.

Bravo! Finally, an honest man speaks out. Applause please! And this is a mother speaking.
I wish she could go to the game and you could give birth, that would truly be the right thing to do after having three already!:p

EarlJam
12-19-2007, 11:21 PM
I have tickets to tomorrow night's Pitt game at MSG.

My wife is 34 weeks pregant with our 4th child. The other 3 have been full term or late. Early Saturday morning, she had some contractions and we spent several hours at the hospital getting checked out. Everything is fine, she needs to stay off her feet (not quite bed rest) and drink lots of fluids.

Early this morning (again 2:15AM on the button), same thing happened. We went to the hospital with the same result.

The doctors say there is no explanation for the contractions, that she and the baby are fine, that the odds are she will go full term, but the main concern is getting to 36 weeks (roughly New Years Day) after which they will be unconcerned about halting any apparant labor.

I want to go to the game. She has not asked me to skip the game. I don't want to offer to skip the game.

Her mother and father will be home with her while I am at the game. I will be home no later then 11PM - several hours prior to the usual 2:15AM shenanigans.

I understand that if the contractions start again while I am out, I will hear about it for the rest of my life. Honestly, that's the danger here. Before I receive a bunch of emails about how I might miss the birth of my child or I am putting my wife's health in danger - those are not real concerns per my conversations with her physician.

I thought this ethical dilemma would make for some interesting feedback from this board.


If she's okay with you going, I'd go - with the promise that you will have cell phone right next to you, and at the first sign of "issues," you will bolt out to be with her.

If she's okay with it, then you seem to be in the clear. You're not being irresponsible. Your concern and compassion come across clearly in this post. Go to the game, have a great time while assuring your wife she comes FIRST and that you will be there at a split seconds notice if needed for any reason.

Just my too scents.

-EJ

duke2x
12-20-2007, 11:48 AM
I think you can go to the game, but you need to have your cell on and be prepared to run like heck out of MSG.

AL Devil, Final 4s are announced 4-5 years in advance. You should have known the dates in 2003 and told her you had other obligations. :D

dukerev
12-20-2007, 12:34 PM
How is it that you don't have 2 tix, so she can go with you? Then you could take her to the hospital/emergency place w/in MSG if she went into labor.

In all seriousness, sigh, I think I'd recommend staying with her. You get bonus points (not for keeping score against her, but for keeping score together against everything that works against a marriage) for staying. You also get to talk to kid #4 about how important he/she is, especially if you frame it right, i.e. "Son (Daughter), you know how much I love Duke basketball. I've taught you everything about Duke basketball and have taught you to love Duke basketball as is good and right and proper. If you ever doubt how much I love you, just remember that I love you even more than Duke basketball and I can prove it."

BTW, the night my daughter was born was a Duke-UNC game. We obviously had the tv on in the room (sound off, baby sleeping), but entertained our daughter's visitors during the game. She is even more important than Duke basketball (and that's pretty dang important).

blublood
12-20-2007, 02:12 PM
I have tickets to tomorrow night's Pitt game at MSG.

My wife is 34 weeks pregant with our 4th child. The other 3 have been full term or late. Early Saturday morning, she had some contractions and we spent several hours at the hospital getting checked out. Everything is fine, she needs to stay off her feet (not quite bed rest) and drink lots of fluids.

Early this morning (again 2:15AM on the button), same thing happened. We went to the hospital with the same result.

The doctors say there is no explanation for the contractions, that she and the baby are fine, that the odds are she will go full term, but the main concern is getting to 36 weeks (roughly New Years Day) after which they will be unconcerned about halting any apparant labor.

I want to go to the game. She has not asked me to skip the game. I don't want to offer to skip the game.




Having recently had our first baby (a beautiful, beautiful little boy!), my best advice to you is to offer to skip the game. Medically, she probably doesn't need you. A lot of women have false labor for weeks before delivering - this is merely your body's way of making you miserable.

Emotionally, however, I can almost guarantee you that she's waiting for you to offer to skip the game so she can say, "No, hon, you go ahead, I'll be fine." That way she's happy because of her self-sacrifice; you're happy because you get to attend the game; her parents are happy because you offered to forego something important to you.

If, on the other hand, you don't offer to skip and just go, it's very likely that she will secretly be hurt that you left her alone; her parents will be furious; and consequently you will be unhappy once you reach home whether Duke wins or not.

If you do go, make sure that cell phone is functioning. I was once left in our apartment by my husband to go to a football game and had an attack of what later turned out to be acute appendicitis. I called him no less than 26 times to come home, but he had turned the phone down too low to hear. By the time he got home, I was doubled over in pain and absolutely, utterly livid... it really was not a good ride to the emergency room!

throatybeard
12-20-2007, 02:18 PM
You also get to talk to kid #4 about how important he/she is, especially if you frame it right, i.e. "Son (Daughter), you know how much I love Duke basketball. I've taught you everything about Duke basketball and have taught you to love Duke basketball as is good and right and proper. If you ever doubt how much I love you, just remember that I love you even more than Duke basketball and I can prove it."

:confused:

I don't think I'm going to specifically raise my kids to be Duke fans. If they happen to like Daddy's team, fine, but I'm not pushing them. I'll buy them a couple Duke shirts and let the chips fall where they may.

Fish80
12-20-2007, 02:33 PM
. . .my best advice to you is to offer to skip the game . . .

and pray that she does say "no, please go". Increase your odds by using your best sad puppy dog face.

Alternatively, are there any drugs or home remedies you can concoct that will stave off labor for a few hours?:)

The Gordog
12-20-2007, 02:39 PM
This sounds like Braxton-Hicks (sp?) contractions. Go to the game and have her text you if there is a problem. Call her every half hour just to be sure.

SouthgateWindsor
12-20-2007, 04:34 PM
Another vote for offering to stay.

weezie
12-20-2007, 04:51 PM
:confused:

I don't think I'm going to specifically raise my kids to be Duke fans. If they happen to like Daddy's team, fine, but I'm not pushing them. I'll buy them a couple Duke shirts and let the chips fall where they may.


:eek: Not in this here house!

Billy Dat
12-21-2007, 08:49 AM
Great feedback from everyone. I had already decided to go to the game (sans some intervening event) when I submitted the original post. I went to to game, checked on her every quarter, and all as well.

As far as the game, I have to say that the crowd kind of let the team down during Pitt's comeback -I didn't realize what a size advantage the crowd had until the shinola was hitting the fan and they tied it up.

Very exciting game, though. It hurt to lose but it was definitely a March atmosphere.