For the professors in DBR-land...or others wanting a chuckle

[duke74]

I am now a professor at St. John's University in NY (as I have noted in the past).

As the Fall classes have ended (and finals are over the next two weeks), I was reviewing the class "grade center" on Blackboard to generate "gentle" reminders for those students who had not turned in assignments.

Here's the response from one student:

"I am so so sorry that I submitted the Assignment 1 and mid-term paper late because I was fascinated by the 2016 American election in previous months (This is my first year in the United States and also the first time to watch the election) and I spent too much time and energy on this event."

You can't make this up. My chair told me that this was a first for her. Luckily, you would only see this once every four years, and possibly only when we have an election as fascinating as the past one.

Has anyone had "funny" excuses thrown at them? (I suspect so...)

[fuse]

Insert legend of Bonkistry here.
Among the best academic excuse stories gone wrong ever.

[Indoor66]

The dog ate it.

[BD80]

Insert legend of Bonkistry here.
Among the best academic excuse stories gone wrong ever.

Which tire?

[camion]

The dog ate it.

21st century version: The computer ate it.

[wilson]

"I wasn't sleeping; that was just a long blink."

[luburch]

My senior year of undergrad I was working on a programming assignment with a partner. We turned in assignments by pushing our files to a server. Our assignment was due at midnight and I pushed an update at about 9pm, but we weren't done. I was waiting for my partner to send me his last update so I could combine it with mine and finish. My computer crashed (hard drive just completely gave up) at about 11:35 and I wasn't able to turn in the finished assignment. Professor didn't believe me even after I showed him a receipt from the computer shop where I got my new hard drive and cloned the old one.

Sad times.

[Indoor66]

My senior year of undergrad I was working on a programming assignment with a partner. We turned in assignments by pushing our files to a server. Our assignment was due at midnight and I pushed an update at about 9pm, but we weren't done. I was waiting for my partner to send me his last update so I could combine it with mine and finish. My computer crashed (hard drive just completely gave up) at about 11:35 and I wasn't able to turn in the finished assignment. Professor didn't believe me even after I showed him a receipt from the computer shop where I got my new hard drive and cloned the old one.

Sad times.

We have all heard that one before. 😉😂😎

[budwom]

I am now a professor at St. John's University in NY (as I have noted in the past).

As the Fall classes have ended (and finals are over the next two weeks), I was reviewing the class "grade center" on Blackboard to generate "gentle" reminders for those students who had not turned in assignments.

Here's the response from one student:

"I am so so sorry that I submitted the Assignment 1 and mid-term paper late because I was fascinated by the 2016 American election in previous months (This is my first year in the United States and also the first time to watch the election) and I spent too much time and energy on this event."

You can't make this up. My chair told me that this was a first for her. Luckily, you would only see this once every four years, and possibly only when we have an election as fascinating as the past one.

Has anyone had "funny" excuses thrown at them? (I suspect so...)

from what esteemed nation did this fascinated student arrive from?

[JasonEvans]

Insert legend of Bonkistry here.
Among the best academic excuse stories gone wrong ever.

For those who do not know it... please elaborate.

[duke74]

21st century version: The computer ate it.

or..."I got a virus..."

[budwom]

i'd be happy to elaborate, except some people insist this never happened...i have no idea.

basically guys miss exam, blame flat tire for their absence, says they had flat tire on way back to Duke. Request they be given the exam.

Bonk say OK, gives the exam to them, one question only: which tire?

[BLPOG]

i'd be happy to elaborate, except some people insist this never happened...i have no idea.

basically guys miss exam, blame flat tire for their absence, says they had flat tire on way back to Duke. Request they be given the exam.

Bonk say OK, gives the exam to them, one question only: which tire?

I think it actually went a bit more like this...

A few guys went to road game, knowing an exam was coming up, but by the time they got back they were too tired to study properly. They gave the flat tire excuse.

Bonk gives them a day or two to study, then hands them the exam. The first page has one or two questions worth about five points. It was easy stuff like a stoichiometry problem.

The second page had the legendary "Which tire?" question, worth +90% of the points.

Bonk confirmed the story, saying that it was long enough ago he didn't remember the precise details, but that the story as a whole was accurate.

[DukieInKansas]

I think it actually went a bit more like this...

A few guys went to road game, knowing an exam was coming up, but by the time they got back they were too tired to study properly. They gave the flat tire excuse.

Bonk gives them a day or two to study, then hands them the exam. The first page has one or two questions worth about five points. It was easy stuff like a stoichiometry problem.

The second page had the legendary "Which tire?" question, worth +90% of the points.

Bonk confirmed the story, saying that it was long enough ago he didn't remember the precise details, but that the story as a whole was accurate.

Key to the test - the two were given the exams in different rooms. And it was pre-cell phone days so no texting.

[Bluedog]

I think it actually went a bit more like this...

A few guys went to road game, knowing an exam was coming up, but by the time they got back they were too tired to study properly. They gave the flat tire excuse.

Bonk gives them a day or two to study, then hands them the exam. The first page has one or two questions worth about five points. It was easy stuff like a stoichiometry problem.

The second page had the legendary "Which tire?" question, worth +90% of the points.

Bonk confirmed the story, saying that it was long enough ago he didn't remember the precise details, but that the story as a whole was accurate.

This is what snopes says about it; they classify it as a "legend" and quote Bonk: "I would have to classify the story as being somewhere between UL and fact. It is based on a real incident, but it has been embellished."
http://www.snopes.com/college/exam/flattire.asp

[duke74]

I think it actually went a bit more like this...

A few guys went to road game, knowing an exam was coming up, but by the time they got back they were too tired to study properly. They gave the flat tire excuse.

Bonk gives them a day or two to study, then hands them the exam. The first page has one or two questions worth about five points. It was easy stuff like a stoichiometry problem.

The second page had the legendary "Which tire?" question, worth +90% of the points.

Bonk confirmed the story, saying that it was long enough ago he didn't remember the precise details, but that the story as a whole was accurate.

A like quasi "prisoner's dilemma" for you game theory folks.

[fidel]

A like quasi "prisoner's dilemma" for you game theory folks.

I was told there would be no math.

[fuse]

For those who do not know it... please elaborate.

Someone else already answered. Duke magazine has a great article about Bonk that also references the incident.

https://dukemagazine.duke.edu/article/bonk-in-his-element

[mgtr]

The weirdest thing I came across in many years of teaching was the student who turned in a carbon copy (obviously quite a few years ago) of a paper which: Bore no relationship to the subject assigned, was obviously a carbon copy, still had another student's name on it, and still had the original class title for which it had been written, and had the submitting student's name written across the top of page 1.
As Robert Benchley wrote, I just laughed and pushed her off the stage! I still laugh at the whole thing. In the spirit, I returned the paper with a grade of D. Since the student had no passing grade on any assignment, the D didn't help him. I never saw the student again.

[budwom]

A friend of mine teaches English at Vassar, and he's told me about some very nice software used these days to detect purloined work, quite effective he tells me.

[duke74]

A friend of mine teaches English at Vassar, and he's told me about some very nice software used these days to detect purloined work, quite effective he tells me.

A common one is "Turnitin," which looks for plagiarism. I've found, however, it often gives false positives. (Wouldn't pick up on using someone else's paper, though, I think - unless on the internet somewhere.)

[duke74]

The weirdest thing I came across in many years of teaching was the student who turned in a carbon copy (obviously quite a few years ago) of a paper which: Bore no relationship to the subject assigned, was obviously a carbon copy, still had another student's name on it, and still had the original class title for which it had been written, and had the submitting student's name written across the top of page 1.
As Robert Benchley wrote, I just laughed and pushed her off the stage! I still laugh at the whole thing. In the spirit, I returned the paper with a grade of D. Since the student had no passing grade on any assignment, the D didn't help him. I never saw the student again.

At best, she was just stupid and careless. At worse, add unethical to the mix. Either way an awful combination.

One question (as a newish member of the Academy - 5 years and now post "retirement.") Why not an F? (Actually sounds like grounds for suspension, expulsion in the extreme.

Perhaps she had a family issue or similar that drove her to this stupid action. Desperation and panic lead one to do dumb things. We've seen that in some of the white collar crime and fraud cases. Not an excuse...just a rationale.

[mgtr]

One question (as a newish member of the Academy - 5 years and now post "retirement.") Why not an F? (Actually sounds like grounds for suspension, expulsion in the extreme.


I guess I gave the student a little slack, since it was clear that he wouldn't be around for long. There had been two midterms which he failed miserably, so he was going to fail the class. The whole thing was so ludicrous there was no need to rub it in. Plus I got a really good story out of it.

[Olympic Fan]

The weirdest thing I came across in many years of teaching was the student who turned in a carbon copy (obviously quite a few years ago) of a paper which: Bore no relationship to the subject assigned, was obviously a carbon copy, still had another student's name on it, and still had the original class title for which it had been written, and had the submitting student's name written across the top of page 1.
As Robert Benchley wrote, I just laughed and pushed her off the stage! I still laugh at the whole thing. In the spirit, I returned the paper with a grade of D. Since the student had no passing grade on any assignment, the D didn't help him. I never saw the student again.

One of my best friends taught at North Carolina Wesleyan College in Rocky Mount back in the 1970s. He called me up one day and said he had something I had to see.

He had assigned a paper on various religious figures in history. One student drew Martin Luther -- but his paper confused Martin Luther with Martin Luther King. The student apparently saw no conflict in the guy leading the Protestant Reformation in the early 16th Century, then hanging around to lead the Civil Rights movement midway through the 20th Century.

We got a big laugh ... but it was sobering to think that student graduated from high school and was actually in college.

My friend and I had a lot of fun afterwards figuring out other combined biographies -- the obvious one was Grover Cleveland -- the 22nd and 24th President of the United States, who may have fathered a child out of wedlock ("Ma, ma, where's my pa ... gone to the White House, ha, ha, ha"), then in retirement, pitched for the Phillies, Cubs and Cardinals, winning 373 games and striking out Tony Lazzeri with the bases loaded in the key moment in the seventh game of the 1926 World Series!

[CrazyNotCrazie]

One of my best friends taught at North Carolina Wesleyan College in Rocky Mount back in the 1970s. He called me up one day and said he had something I had to see.

He had assigned a paper on various religious figures in history. One student drew Martin Luther -- but his paper confused Martin Luther with Martin Luther King. The student apparently saw no conflict in the guy leading the Protestant Reformation in the early 16th Century, then hanging around to lead the Civil Rights movement midway through the 20th Century.

We got a big laugh ... but it was sobering to think that student graduated from high school and was actually in college.

My friend and I had a lot of fun afterwards figuring out other combined biographies -- the obvious one was Grover Cleveland -- the 22nd and 24th President of the United States, who may have fathered a child out of wedlock ("Ma, ma, where's my pa ... gone to the White House, ha, ha, ha"), then in retirement, pitched for the Phillies, Cubs and Cardinals, winning 373 games and striking out Tony Lazzeri with the bases loaded in the key moment in the seventh game of the 1926 World Series!

And of course George Washington was both the father of our country (and a slave owner) and an African-American man who found countless uses for the peanut years later

[rasputin]

And of course George Washington was both the father of our country (and a slave owner) and an African-American man who found countless uses for the peanut years later

And John Wayne Gacy was both a movie star and a serial killer.

And Jeb Stuart Magruder served both in the Civil War and in the Nixon Administration.

[brevity]

My friend and I had a lot of fun afterwards figuring out other combined biographies...


And of course George Washington was both the father of our country (and a slave owner) and an African-American man who found countless uses for the peanut years later


And John Wayne Gacy was both a movie star and a serial killer.

And Jeb Stuart Magruder served both in the Civil War and in the Nixon Administration.

Tommy Lee Jones has made a lot of movies, including one private video I have no interest in seeing.

Trivia: can you think of another example where the older person won a Pulitzer and the younger person was honored with a Pulitzer 24 years later?

[JasonEvans]

Ya'll are not playing fair by using middle names. Here are some great ones where the names perfectly match up.

Steve McQueen somehow went from being a great actor in the 1960s and 70s to a great director today. I don't know why he didn't cast himself in 12 Years a Slave.

Jackie Gleason was great in the Honeymooners, but I really did not like his character when he played Joffry on Game of Thrones.

I was so glad to see that Brian Wilson had conquered his shyness enough from his Beach Boys days to become a fantastically bearded relief pitcher for the San Francisco Giants.

When Adam Scott isn't busy making us laugh on Parks and Rec, he's teeing it up and winning the Masters.

Did you know that after he broke up with Art Garfunkel, Paul Simon became a United States Senator?

I'm convinced that Dave Thomas took all the money he made from owning Wendy's and sunk it into promoting his comedic partnership with Rick Moranis.

-Jason "I'm sure there are more... kinda fun" Evans

[duke74]

That cloud of smoke you see down the road is the exhaust from my thread being hijacked. :)

[DukieInKansas]

That cloud of smoke you see down the road is the exhaust from my thread being hijacked. :)

But they are providing a chuckle - so perhaps just a fork in the road and not a hijack. :D

[duke74]

But they are providing a chuckle - so perhaps just a fork in the road and not a hijack. :D

Or perhaps, more accurately, a detour? :)

[DukieInKansas]

Or perhaps, more accurately, a detour? :)

True. As long as it isn't down a dirt road. My father always taught us that there was no sense going down a dirt road. (Although, I must admit, they can be fun.

Since I used "taught" does this get us off the detour? :D

[ricks68]

That cloud of smoke you see down the road is the exhaust from my thread being hijacked. :)

Heck, just wait for the puns to kick in at full force.:eek:

If I can find the time in the next day or so (and if I can remember to do it), I can help put the thread back on the track it deserves by posting some pretty scary incidents I had teaching future dentists. Pretty scary because it exposes the idiocy I had to put up with, both by the students and the faculty, including Deans; and because these idiots have the ability to, and do, kill people!:mad:

ricks