Quotable Simpsons

[billybreen]

So as not to hijack the quotable movies thread, let's reprise a thread from years ago on the old board -- favorite Simpsons quotes, with or without attribution (guessing the provenance is always a fun game).

I'll start with a few:


"Stealing?! How could you?! Haven't you learned anything from that guy who gives those sermons at church? Captain What's-his-name? Why do you think I took you to all those "Police Academy" movies? For fun? Well, I didn't hear anybody laughing! Did you? Except at that guy who made sound effects. Where was I? Oh yeah: stay out of my booze."


“There’s three ways to do things: the right way, the wrong way, and the Max Power way.”
“Isn’t that the wrong way?"
“Yeah, but faster!"


My Homer is not a communist. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a communist, but he is not a porn star.


Remember Alf? He's back! In pog form.

And perhaps the greatest ever:

They say he carved it himself . . . from a bigger spoon.

[gus]

“There’s three ways to do things: the right way, the wrong way, and the Max Power way.”
“Isn’t that the wrong way?"
“Yeah, but faster!"

Homer and Bart in Homer to the Max

Who can forget an episode where Ed Begley Jr drivers a a car powered by his own sense of self-satisfaction?

The others sadly, while I remember the quotes I can't place the episode. I foolishly googled the spoon quote, and then realized I should have known the episode immediately.

[Tom B.]

Remember Alf? He's back! In pog form.


That's Milhouse, but I don't remember the episode.



They say he carved it himself . . . from a bigger spoon.


It's either Lenny or Carl (I get them confused), in the chili cook-off episode -- the one in which Homer eats Guatemalan insanity peppers and meets Johnny Cash in the form of a coyote.

[aimo]

"We got beets!" (Lisa, with Marge, coming home from the grocery store.)

[dukeblueyes]

Homer: Aw, twenty dollars! I wanted a peanut!
Homer's Brain: Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts!
Homer: Explain how!
Homer's Brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services!
Homer: Woo-hoo!

and

"Are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon?"
"No"
"Ham?"
"No."
"Pork chops?"
"Dad, those all come from the same animal."
"Heh heh heh. Ooh, yeah, right, Lisa. A wonderful, magical animal."

and of course

"I bent my wookie."

[billybreen]

Another favorite from this season:

"Christian charity? What does a porn star have to do with this?"

[Jfrosh]

This creamed corn tastes like creamed crap!
Nelson

[Tom B.]

"Are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon?"
"No"
"Ham?"
"No."
"Pork chops?"
"Dad, those all come from the same animal."
"Heh heh heh. Ooh, yeah, right, Lisa. A wonderful, magical animal."



That might be the single most quotable episode of The Simpsons ever.


"Ms. Hoover, my worm went in my mouth and I ate it. Can I have another?"
"No, Ralph, there aren't any more worms. Just put your head down and sleep while the other children are learning."
"Oh boy, sleep! That's where I'm a viking!"


"When I grow up, I'm going to Bovine University."


"It's just a little dirty, it's still good, it's still good.... It's just a little slimy, it's still good, it's still good.... It's just a little airborn, it's still good, it's still good...."
"It's gone."
"I know."


"I think I'll donate a million dollars to an orphanage.... when pigs fly."
[Pig flys by the window.]
"Would you like me to get your checkbook, sir?"
"No, I'd still rather not."


"Marge, since I'm not talking to Lisa, would you ask her to pass the syrup."
[Sigh.] "Lisa, please pass your father the syrup."
"Bart, will you please tell Dad that I'll pass him the syrup only if it won't be used on any meat products."
"You dunkin' your sausages in that syrup, homeboy?"
"Marge, please tell Bart that I only want to enjoy a nice glass of syrup like I do every morning."
"Tell him yourself, you're ignoring Lisa, not Bart."
"Bart, thank your mother for pointing that out."
"Homer, you're not not talking to me, and secondly, I heard what you said."
"Lisa, tell your mother to get off my case."
"Dad, you're supposed to be ignoring Lisa."
"Bart, go to your room!"
"Why don't you just eat him, Dad?"

[billybreen]

That might be the single most quotable episode of The Simpsons ever.

And my personal favorite:

Lisa: "Come to Homer's BBBQ, the extra 'B' is for BYOBB"
Bart: What's that extra B for?
Homer: That's a typo.

[billybreen]

Since he's been so negligent stopping by this thread, one for Throaty (though admittedly less appropriate than during the Phalanx+TB era):

Marge: Bart, don’t make fun of graduate students. They just made a terrible life decision.

[gus]

That might be the single most quotable episode of The Simpsons ever.

"Bart, go to your room!"
"Why don't you just eat him, Dad?"


Yeah! Don't kid yourself Jimmy. If a cow ever got the chance, he'd eat you and everyone you care about!

[onepresent]

Mmm, floor pie.

***

Tastes like burn.



OT: Futurama

Fry: Where's your bathroom?
Bender: What room?
Fry: Bathroom.
Bender: Bath what?
Fry: Bathroom!
Bender What what?
Fry: Nevermind.

[Clipsfan]

Tastes like burn.





I was going to throw this one in, as I use it often, but we may be misquoting it as I always say "Tastes like....burning"

I think Ralph gets some of the best lines

[DevilBen02]

For some reason, I always liked what Homer said to the Itchy & Scratchy producers when he was first rejected for the role of Poochie:

"Well, you can cram it with walnuts, ugly"

[billybreen]

Burns: I'll kill you, you bloated museum of treachery!

Homer: Oh lord, bless this rocket house and all who dwell within the rocket house.

Bart: I think sharing is overrated too. And helping others. And what's all this crap I've been hearing about tolerance?
Homer: Your ideas are intriguing and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.

[Orange&BlackSheep]

Homer: So one of those Egg Council creeps got to you too, huh?
Lenny: Aw, you've got it all wrong, Homer. It's not like that.
[a man in an egg costume creeps, then runs, away]
Homer: You'd better run, egg!

The quote is not that funny, but for some reason the sight of an egg council egg running away with Homer shaking his fist at it has always struck me as brilliant comedy. Plus the whole Stonecutters episode is hilarious.

O&B Sheep

[colchar]

Marge: Bart, don’t make fun of graduate students. They just made a terrible life decision.

Does anyone remember, of have a link to, the entire exchange from which that quote was taken (ie. what Bart was saying about grad students right before Marge admonished him)?

[billybreen]

Does anyone remember, of have a link to, the entire exchange from which that quote was taken (ie. what Bart was saying about grad students right before Marge admonished him)?

Looks like I had the quote wrong. It's "terrible life choice."

YouTube to the rescue! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LsC-r_STypc&mode=related&search=)

[colchar]

Looks like I had the quote wrong. It's "terrible life choice."

YouTube to the rescue! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LsC-r_STypc&mode=related&search=)

Thanks...I didn't even consider youtube.

[throatybeard]

Since he's been so negligent stopping by this thread, one for Throaty (though admittedly less appropriate than during the Phalanx+TB era):

Marge: Bart, don’t make fun of graduate students. They just made a terrible life decision.

That was in my sig for a while, along with a Friends quote where Rachel's little sister finds out Ross is a PhD, not an MD. I'll see if I can find it.

Here's a really good Simpsons board:

http://www.nohomers.net/forumdisplay.php?s=&daysprune=&f=2

[throatybeard]

i don't remember and I haven't seen the clip in a while, but I think the Simpsons are at B&N or some similar bookstore, and Bart wants to taunt the cashiers, assuming they're English grad students.