Excuses

[zdn_peanut]

Got a dilemma here. I'm a normal guy, but when I watch Duke, i live and die with every possession, shot or turnover. So watching the game I'm a rollercoaster of emotion. I'm going to visit my girlfriends family for the first time this thanksgiving. Obviously I want to make a good impression, but I'm afraid of scaring them off as they are really really conservative.

I'm thinking these are my options:

1) DVR the game at her parents and watch it later that night when everyone is asleep (This will involve being quiet and I can't promise that, and I will have to turn my phone off so as not to find out the score)

2) DVR the game at my place, dodge all emails, papers, internet and phone until I get back on Monday

3) Screw it. Be a Cameron Crazy and tell the family to take it or leave it.

4) Break up with her and head to the big apple!

[Blueequalslife23]

Got a dilemma here. I'm a normal guy, but when I watch Duke, i live and die with every possession, shot or turnover. So watching the game I'm a rollercoaster of emotion. I'm going to visit my girlfriends family for the first time this thanksgiving. Obviously I want to make a good impression, but I'm afraid of scaring them off as they are really really conservative.

I'm thinking these are my options:

1) DVR the game at her parents and watch it later that night when everyone is asleep (This will involve being quiet and I can't promise that, and I will have to turn my phone off so as not to find out the score)

2) DVR the game at my place, dodge all emails, papers, internet and phone until I get back on Monday

3) Screw it. Be a Cameron Crazy and tell the family to take it or leave it.

4) Break up with her and head to the big apple!


HAHA, I would say 4 but depends on the girl. IF she's a keeper... do number 3 and hope her family is UCONN- LSU fans or DUKE fans!!!

[Azdukefan]

Got a dilemma here. I'm a normal guy, but when I watch Duke, i live and die with every possession, shot or turnover. So watching the game I'm a rollercoaster of emotion. I'm going to visit my girlfriends family for the first time this thanksgiving. Obviously I want to make a good impression, but I'm afraid of scaring them off as they are really really conservative.

I'm thinking these are my options:

1) DVR the game at her parents and watch it later that night when everyone is asleep (This will involve being quiet and I can't promise that, and I will have to turn my phone off so as not to find out the score)

2) DVR the game at my place, dodge all emails, papers, internet and phone until I get back on Monday

3) Screw it. Be a Cameron Crazy and tell the family to take it or leave it.

4) Break up with her and head to the big apple!

I went home with my girlfriend (now wife) for Thanksgiving during the Maui one year and prior to going, I told my wife I will be watching the game. Things worked out just fine and we are heading back there this Thanksgiving and guess what........they know the Duke game will be on. Certain things you have to be upfront about. Duke Basketball is near the top.

[roywhite]

Interesting dilemma, zdn...

One suggestion---do some advance scouting on the environment; are these people sports fans, do they have a favorite team, where did they go to school, is it possible they are strong unc fans?

A certain measure of good behavior on your part is wise, but if this is going to be an adversarial situation.......well, it could be a problem.

[soccerstud2210]

Got a dilemma here. I'm a normal guy, but when I watch Duke, i live and die with every possession, shot or turnover. So watching the game I'm a rollercoaster of emotion. I'm going to visit my girlfriends family for the first time this thanksgiving. Obviously I want to make a good impression, but I'm afraid of scaring them off as they are really really conservative.

I'm thinking these are my options:

1) DVR the game at her parents and watch it later that night when everyone is asleep (This will involve being quiet and I can't promise that, and I will have to turn my phone off so as not to find out the score)

2) DVR the game at my place, dodge all emails, papers, internet and phone until I get back on Monday

3) Screw it. Be a Cameron Crazy and tell the family to take it or leave it.

4) Break up with her and head to the big apple!

haha this is great. i'm in exactly the same boat this thanksgiving. first holiday with the fam. i'm still debating on what to do.....

[Devil in the Blue Dress]

haha this is great. i'm in exactly the same boat this thanksgiving. first holiday with the fam. i'm still debating on what to do.....

I agree with roywhite's post above. It's important to get to your girl's family even if you weren't concerned about seeing and reacting to the Duke game.

[ChicagoCrazy84]

This is a great thread!

I think a lot of us go through this type of thing during basketball season. If it's not with the gf's/wife's family, it could be with mutual friends or something like that.
To put my 2 cents in, I would say that you need to feel it out first. Try and break the ice with some sports subjects and if you get the idea that they are sports fans, cut loose and go crazy! If you get the feeling they are not, maybe bring it up first and then tone it down a little so they at lease were expecting some sort of emotion from you.

Whatever you do, don't end up being like the Clemson fan (now YouTube sensation) if they lose. That would be the only thing that would scare them off.

[OldSchool]

Choice #3 is of course the correct answer.

From the parents' point of view, your displaying such an extraordinary level of love and commitment to a basketball team could give them hope that one day, you might possibly achieve that same high level of love and commitment for their daughter, or at least something approaching that.

[jesus_hurley]

It's #3. If they can't take it then it wasn't meant to be.

[fisheyes]

#3 But get the girl's parents into the game....worked for me! My in-laws are now huge Duke fans; more so than my wife!

On a similar note, I made a fatal mistake in getting married on March 25th...yes, I know, how stupid could I have been...the Great 8 Weekend. Luckily we were married on a Sunday, the day after Christian Laettner hit the shot to beat UConn (now UConvicts). The obvious problem was now I was going to be in Hawaii on our honeymoon for the Final Four. My wife and I struck a deal that I would forgo the Arkansas game and we would stay in and BBQ for the UNLV game. The game in Hawaii was on a 6 hour tape delay and I avoided the radio (no internet back then!). I went down to grill the steaks and struck up a conversation with the guy grilling next to me and he broke my heart when he told me that Duke was blown out. Oh well, the steaks were good, I'm still married, and we beat 'em the next year!

[moonpie23]

it's perfectly ok to say, "hey sweetie....i want to make a good impression on your folks but i have a slight dilema. as you know already (she SHOULD know already ) I am a huge duke fan and they are playing a pretty important holiday game at madison square garden wednesday night. would YOU be miffed, or do you think your folks would be miffed if we made plans to watch it? it's on kinda late, way after dinner and everything, so it shouldn't be too much of a conflict. I just really want to make a good impression on your folks, but you know, i kinda wanna see the game too" (strong but confident puppy dog eyes).

and then be ready to do what she wants...

(yes, i give financial advice regarding the BANK OF LOVE !) Ladies, i am married......gentlemen, you may IM me for immediate assistance)

[Fish80]

Stage a fight, storm out of the house and go to a sports bar. When the game is over come crawling back begging forgiveness.

If you drink too much at the bar, take a taxi back to her place. Don't drink and drive.

[dukestheheat]

^^^^

Ok, man it might be tough for you, personally, to marry her IF she's a UNC fan (what with you being the diehard Duke fan that you are). If you were more mellow about it, it 'just wouldn't matter' but in this case, I'd tread lightly.

See, this stuff really runs deep.

I would, however, not follow any of the advice I just gave to you. Remember, I am about as Crazy (once a Crazie, always a Crazie) about the Blue Devils as are YOU, brother!

I do think you should work to make yourself known for who you are to her family and not worry about it so much. You could always buy the whole family Duke t-shirts and wear them for the game on Friday. That way, you'd break everyone in.

I actually don't think that that is a bad idea at all.

Let us know how this one goes. You got my interest up.

dukestheheat.

[Bob Green]

Your long term mental health and quality of life is at stake here, Option #3 is the only choice.

[airowe]

Yeah peanut, If she likes you enough she won't care who you are. If you hide yourself to her family, none of them are going to respect you for who you are. Just don't be this guy:

**Warning, some language in this link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=erBJJKn9mAc

[millerecu]

Number 3. I got married two years ago.....my new inlaws learned early and fast that I am a diehard Duke fan. They have grown accustomed to the yelling, screaming, clapping, and occasional throwing of pillows (dont want to break anything). In return I have turned my wife, mother in law, and middle sister in law into diehard Duke fans also.


GO DUKE!!!!!

[moonpie23]

make it known that you realllllllly care about the visit and you realllllly respect her and her family and also make it known that you CARE what her response to the news that you want to watch the game will be....

if she says she'd rather you NOT watch the game. simply say, "that's once!"


my family got it when i said, sternly, with ZERO emotion. "that's twice"......they KNOW that when a duke game is on, it's on....


now you could also get the slingbox app for your iphone and feign a stomach ache and slip upstairs to the bathroom for 2 hours...

[feldspar]

5) Just chill out and watch the game like a normal person.

[elvis14]

Number 3. I got married two years ago.....my new inlaws learned early and fast that I am a diehard Duke fan. They have grown accustomed to the yelling, screaming, clapping, and occasional throwing of pillows (dont want to break anything). In return I have turned my wife, mother in law, and middle sister in law into diehard Duke fans also.


GO DUKE!!!!!

I agree, go with number 3. They'll get used to it. Although I don't know that I'll ever forget the shocked look on my inlaws faces when I blew up and left the house (breaking the blinds on my back door) after that no-call on Boozer's put-back of JWill's missed FT attempt. Funny thing is I went outside so they would not have to see me get really upset. :D

p.s. - please don't sidetrack this thread with discussions about the game referenced above, it still makes me mad (apologies to those of you who I've upset by bringing that up)

[Indoor66]

Nah, keep the priorities in order. Cheer all you want. If they don't like it, leave and ditch the broad. Anything else and you will be subservient for the rest of your life.

[moonpie23]

p.s. - please don't sidetrack this thread with discussions about the game referenced above, it still makes me mad (apologies to those of you who I've upset by bringing that up)

wow....thanks a bunch for bringing that up.......:eek:

[mus074]

5) Just chill out and watch the game like a normal person.

:cool:

[-jk]

Option 6: Date a Duke fan. No hemming or gamesmanship needed.

My then-girlfriend/now-wife already had her own seat in Cameron.

-jk

[mapei]

But . . . unless I'm missing something there is no game on Thanksgiving. There's a game Wednesday and, we hope, a bigger one on Friday. Do the family thing on Thursday and watch the game(s) on the other nights. There needn't be an issue here.

[dukestheheat]

5) Just chill out and watch the game like a normal person.

....most of us probably aren't normal when Duke is playing. I know I'm not. I admit it. I do have issues. I want to jump around and make fun of the opposition. I want to take a few shots for the team. Ya know, like back in the day.

dth.

[miramar]

Before you decide among all the options above, you should ask whether her parents have ESPN2.

If they do, then that means that at least Dad likes sports, so go with it and watch the game.

I should think that the fact that you are a Dukie makes you a better catch anyway, so why not advertise the fact?

[Waynne]

My very first date with the woman to whom I have been happily married for 30years was to a Duke/Md. game in College Park, which Duke won. I held nothing back, went totally crazy on virtually every play, and by the end of the first quarter she understood completely how important Duke B-ball is to me. She still tells the story of our first date to people whom we are just getting to know.

By the time I met her parents a few months later she had filled them in on my obsession. They were fine, upstanding folks (now deceased) who thought basketball was a silly game and that watching a game was a waste of time. Nonetheless they accepted me, and even allowed me to watch games in their home, knowing full well their ears would be subject to unearthly screams, yells, and cries from the TV room. Maybe they figured that if I could develop such devotion to something as trivial (in their mind) as a basketball team, I might develop a similar attachment to their daughter (which I did).

So moral of the story: Go with option #3, it's the only honest and safe choice. If your girl or her parents can't accept you for who you are, it's not going to work anyway.

[BlueintheFace]

5) Just chill out and watch the game like a normal person.

This option is logically inconsistent. A normal duke fan lives and dies with every possession. Option #3.

[BlueintheFace]

Option 6: Date a Duke fan. No hemming or gamesmanship needed.

My then-girlfriend/now-wife already had her own seat in Cameron.

-jk

Amen.

Ladies and Gentlemen, the most important quality in a woman is her degree of devotion to Duke Basketball.... seriously.

[TobaMom]

While my husband did not go to Duke, he is now a true fan. That said, we NEVER invite anyone over to watch a game, because in addition to my yelling, I am also insistant that there be no unnecessary conversation in case something important is said about a player, Coach K, the team, the schedule, the game, the play, etc. My children (13 & 11) find this very normal.

We will be at my in-laws house Thursday - Saturday and we will DVR the games prior to leaving home. Even if I know the score, I would prefer to watch it later without being the criticized entertainment. I would NEVER schedule a visit (here or away) during the tournament. NEVER.

[obsesseddukefan]

I have to say #3! The first thing I do when I meet a new woman and things are going well is let her know how I get when I watch a game. I too am a ball of emotion. But I think you will find that the family will get a kick out of your dedication and may poke a little fun, but all in good nature. Plus I think it makes a great opportunity to talk Duke sports! The family will be more than accepting I am sure. Go with it! #3 kind sir! :D

[dalmatians98]

3) Screw it. Be a Cameron Crazy and tell the family to take it or leave it.




You need to ask yourself whether you want people who view devotion to Duke basketball as a bad thing to be your childrens' grandparents. #3 FTW.

[BD80]

... I'm thinking these are my options:

1) DVR the game at her parents and watch it later that night ...
2) DVR the game at my place, ...
3) Screw it. Be a Cameron Crazy and tell the family to take it or leave it. ...
4) Break up with her and head to the big apple!

Why did you list them in reverse order?


it's perfectly ok to say, "hey sweetie....i want to make a good impression on your folks but ... [blah, blah,blah] ... I just really want to make a good impression on your folks, but you know, i kinda wanna see the game too" (strong but confident puppy dog eyes).

and then be ready to do what she wants...

Do you at least have visitation rights with your man parts?


... if she says she'd rather you NOT watch the game. simply say, "that's once!"...

Oh, THERE they are!


5) Just chill out and watch the game like a normal person.

Against ASU: unlikely, but it might be possible.

Against uCon: ain't gonna happen.


But . . . unless I'm missing something there is no game on Thanksgiving. There's a game Wednesday and, we hope, a bigger one on Friday. Do the family thing on Thursday and watch the game(s) on the other nights. There needn't be an issue here.

Interesting point. If this is a sleepover, the parents have the first move. If they have you in the same room as your girlfriend, be much more deferential to her family, they could be keepers.

How on earth did you get into such a conflict to begin with??? Poor planning!

[oldnavy]

While my husband did not go to Duke, he is now a true fan. That said, we NEVER invite anyone over to watch a game, because in addition to my yelling, I am also insistant that there be no unnecessary conversation in case something important is said about a player, Coach K, the team, the schedule, the game, the play, etc. My children (13 & 11) find this very normal.

We will be at my in-laws house Thursday - Saturday and we will DVR the games prior to leaving home. Even if I know the score, I would prefer to watch it later without being the criticized entertainment. I would NEVER schedule a visit (here or away) during the tournament. NEVER.

Thank goodness! I thought that I was the only one that would not have anyone over during a game! There ARE others like me out there!!

I had a friend of mine invite himself over to watch a Duke/UNC game once... after sitting there for 2 hours without being acknowledged, he left...

[DukieInKansas]

Thank goodness! I thought that I was the only one that would not have anyone over during a game! There ARE others like me out there!!

I had a friend of mine invite himself over to watch a Duke/UNC game once... after sitting there for 2 hours without being acknowledged, he left...

I prefer to watch alone so I don't have to sensor my comments/moods. If I want to shout at the refs, I can do it. I don't have to try to be gracious if, heaven forbid, the game ends in a loss. I can dance & gloat to my heart's content when the game ends in victory. By the next day, when I'm around others, I can temper my responses to look like a sane individual. :D

[Indoor66]

I can watch football or baseball with others. College basketball and Duke games in particular are solo event for me. I don't like to hear others comments and prattle during a game. I want to watch and absorb the play and commentary.

[Battierfan01]

I can watch football or baseball with others. College basketball and Duke games in particular are solo event for me. I don't like to hear others comments and prattle during a game. I want to watch and absorb the play and commentary.

I agree. I like to be totally FOCUSED when a Duke game is on. I like to hear everything being said and I don't want to miss even a free throw attempt. I also like to make sure that when a game is going to be on, I don't have anything to do at any minute of the game so that I will not be distracted.

[JD79]

I saw no reference to you bringing a gift to the home so you can be in their good graces before heading to the TV.

Suggest Scotch for the Father and Chardonnay for the Mom. They may not care what you watch after that. Good Luck!

[-bdbd]

Yep - great thread!!

This one really hits home for me. More than once I think I've really scared friends (esp girlfriends) with my Duke BB "enthusiasm..." :o

Best advice: During the game keep telling yourself that making a good impression on the 'rents is more important than shouting at the TV, or celebrating a big bucket. Keep saying it to yourself -- "It's the impression stupid."

What I usually did during first-meeting circumstances was to find a private room (upstairs bedroom with TV?) and just excuse myself for an hour at a time -- yes, it's ok to come out and be social during halftime... Just no way to keep your sanity while knowing a big game is on, and viewable just feet away on that (silent) TV..... so DVR solution didn't work for me.

Hardest one was when dating a girl whose family members - incl mom and dad - were all N.C. University at Chapel Hill fans.... to say I was conflicted is a gross understatement. How to deal with a truly NICE potential mother-in-law who does everything sweet and right, but then has to ruin in by saying "I just don't like that Coach-K man..." ??? Grit teeth, smile...grit teeth, smile....

Good luck!!!

[TobaMom]

bdbd, you are a better person than I. There is no chance I would put myself into a situation where I might someday have to point out to my children that their grandmother is full of it.

I agree with the idea of bringing gifts and letting the family see your true colors. Hopefully all they will end up thinking is "what an ungracious winner." :) Then again, if the win is decisive, we can afford to be gracious.

[sagegrouse]

Got a dilemma here. I'm a normal guy, but when I watch Duke, i live and die with every possession, shot or turnover. So watching the game I'm a rollercoaster of emotion. I'm going to visit my girlfriends family for the first time this thanksgiving. Obviously I want to make a good impression, but I'm afraid of scaring them off as they are really really conservative.

I'm thinking these are my options:

1) DVR the game at her parents and watch it later that night when everyone is asleep (This will involve being quiet and I can't promise that, and I will have to turn my phone off so as not to find out the score)

2) DVR the game at my place, dodge all emails, papers, internet and phone until I get back on Monday

3) Screw it. Be a Cameron Crazy and tell the family to take it or leave it.

4) Break up with her and head to the big apple!

I've thought about this for a couple of days. It is inconceivable that the 'rents are nearly as intense a basketball fan as you are. This is what the medical profession calls "a teachable moment."

Explain that, while calm and normal in other respects, you get very excited at some sports events, and you hope they don't mind. Then ask if they want to watch the game with you. Your big opportunity is the 9:30 tip-off, if you are in ET zone. They may fade away around halftime.

If they watch, then try to start your cheering slowly. After all, Duke is a heavy favorite against ASU, and there is a chance that it may not be too gut-wrenching.

If you do get intense, then practice some asides where you make fun of your extreme behavior in order to ease the tension.

sagegrouse

[Grey Devil]

#3 But get the girl's parents into the game....worked for me! My in-laws are now huge Duke fans; more so than my wife!

On a similar note, I made a fatal mistake in getting married on March 25th...yes, I know, how stupid could I have been...the Great 8 Weekend. Luckily we were married on a Sunday, the day after Christian Laettner hit the shot to beat UConn (now UConvicts). The obvious problem was now I was going to be in Hawaii on our honeymoon for the Final Four. My wife and I struck a deal that I would forgo the Arkansas game and we would stay in and BBQ for the UNLV game. The game in Hawaii was on a 6 hour tape delay and I avoided the radio (no internet back then!). I went down to grill the steaks and struck up a conversation with the guy grilling next to me and he broke my heart when he told me that Duke was blown out. Oh well, the steaks were good, I'm still married, and we beat 'em the next year!

I can relate....I married my wife on March 25, too. But this was in '78 and the Final Four was on that afternoon (only 32 teams in the Tournament in those days). Duke (with Spanarkel, the G-man, Gene Banks, Kenny Dennard, et al) beat Notre Dame (and Digger Phelps) to advance to the Finals. The second game had Kentucky beating Arkansas. However, my future brother-in-law went to Kentucky and the wedding was scheduled to start before that game was over. He graciously skipped the ending of his game to be at his sister's wedding (I'm not sure I could have done the same, if the times or roles were reversed, though).

My wife suggests that all those Duke fans who were married on the day of a NCAA tournament game should get together the next time Duke is in the Maui Classic to share their stories. She thinks it would be interesting. I just tell her that I would rather be watching the game! (We have managed to have 31 years of happy matrimony, even though she was not a Duke fan until meeting me, so that should be good news for anyone facing a similar situation -- like the original poster to this thread.)

Grey Devil

P.S. Oh yeah, #3 is the only option to choose.

[fisheyes]

I can relate....I married my wife on March 25, too. But this was in '78 and the Final Four was on that afternoon (only 32 teams in the Tournament in those days). Duke (with Spanarkel, the G-man, Gene Banks, Kenny Dennard, et al) beat Notre Dame (and Digger Phelps) to advance to the Finals. The second game had Kentucky beating Arkansas. However, my future brother-in-law went to Kentucky and the wedding was scheduled to start before that game was over. He graciously skipped the ending of his game to be at his sister's wedding (I'm not sure I could have done the same, if the times or roles were reversed, though).

My wife suggests that all those Duke fans who were married on the day of a NCAA tournament game should get together the next time Duke is in the Maui Classic to share their stories. She thinks it would be interesting. I just tell her that I would rather be watching the game! (We have managed to have 31 years of happy matrimony, even though she was not a Duke fan until meeting me, so that should be good news for anyone facing a similar situation -- like the original poster to this thread.)

Grey Devil

P.S. Oh yeah, #3 is the only option to choose.

A fraternity brother of mine suggested a better option to my wife...get divorced and remarry in July (just not during the Baseball All Star Game)!

[Grey Devil]

A fraternity brother of mine suggested a better option to my wife...get divorced and remarry in July (just not during the Baseball All Star Game)!

It's a crapshoot getting married in March. You can set a date (usually has to be on a weekend to get everyone you want there), but never know whether you'll get lucky (or unlucky) with a game at that time. Guess the rule is just to not get married in that month. (We had no choice as I was coaching high school B-ball at the time and had to wait until the season was over, plus it was a nice surprise that Duke would be playing on that particular weekend -- something we didn't anticipate back in late fall when we picked the date.)

My advice is not to plan any weddings for the month of March or else just run off and elope!

Grey Devil

[Heelkiller1]

I went through the very same thing a few years ago ,and went with option number 3 . At first it was weird but then they fell in line and now when I visit they know if a game is on the , I am in Crazies mode. Go with it dude , you being a die hard fan is a part of who u are ,so if they don't like it you can just go home:D

[oldnavy]

zdn_peanut... HOW DID IT WORK OUT???:confused: