DBR Manifesto (AKA Throaty's Handy Pocket Reference)

[Devils Rock]

I finally became a amember of DBR this past week (after countless years of voyeurism) and just got around to reading the DBR Manifesto. In addition to being thoroughly entertaining, the Manifesto made me realize that every post/thread I have have made or will ever make (probably including this one) is a moot point. I will never post again.:(

[Indoor66]

I finally became a amember of DBR this past week (after countless years of voyeurism) and just got around to reading the DBR Manifesto. In addition to being thoroughly entertaining, the Manifesto made me realize that every post/thread I have have made or will ever make (probably including this one) is a moot point. I will never post again.:(

Please do post again and clarify or explain what the portion I highlighted means. I am curious with your problems with the Guidelines (in your words "the Manifesto").

[Devils Rock]

Please do post again and clarify or explain what the portion I highlighted means. I am curious with your problems with the Guidelines (in your words "the Manifesto").

I was referring to Throatybeard's "DBR Manifesto" which is linked to in the very first sticky thread on the main board. I would imagine that many of us have never taken the time to read it, but it provides a humorous summary of every conceivable thread that has ever or ever could appear on these boards. As I read the Manifesto, it occured to me that Throatybeard has anticipated our every move. Every post I have ever seen was accounted for in the Manifesto.

[2535Miles]

I finally became a amember of DBR this past week (after countless years of voyeurism) and just got around to reading the DBR Manifesto. In addition to being thoroughly entertaining, the Manifesto made me realize that every post/thread I have have made or will ever make (probably including this one) is a moot point. I will never post again.:(
Welcome aboard Devils Rock. Now come on over to the OTB and have some fun.

p.s. 9F9F9F

[Devils Rock]

Welcome aboard Devils Rock. Now come on over to the OTB and have some fun.


Is that where the real action is? and to to think that I was all fired up to talk some hoops...

[tbyers11]

Is that where the real action is? and to to think that I was all fired up to talk some hoops...

Hoops (Elizabeth King) forum is pretty slow in the offseason. It will pick up about the the end of October.

Welcome.

[DukeUsul]

And with an election looming, Public Policy is...... a zoo. Feed the lions at your own risk.

[blublood]

Yeah, the off-topic board is where all the *really* interesting discussions take place, like which poster you would eat in the event of a crash, songs you hate/love, pix of anteaters wearing sweaters, and polls about random and meaningless things. We enjoy it. :)

By the way DukeUsul, love the avatar. She is the cutest!!

[DukeUsul]

Thanks blublood - so is yours!

[Exiled_Devil]

By the way DukeUsul, love the avatar. She is the cutest!!

Except I recognize Muad'dib before I recognize the letters in your screen name - it took me some time to realize it was you.

definitely a cutie.

[throatybeard]

As I read the Manifesto, it occured to me that Throatybeard has anticipated our every move.

No anticipation. It's just the sound of history repeating.

[throatybeard]

It has come to my attention that the link to the Handy Pocket Reference is dead, seeing as how Duke was willing to extend webspace privileges to me for nine years after I left, but not ten. Go figure. This draft is what I called 7.1, and I don't think it's been updated since the 2008-09 AY.

We're discussing the possibility of DBR hosting the document.

But if we were to do that, I'd need to update it first. Two-thirds or three-quarters of it is remarkably timeless, but some of the rest looks pretty dated. (I mean, who the hell cares about whether JJ Redick was wearing that t-shirt in 2005-06 because of backne?)

I wrote the original draft at my parents' house at Thanksgiving 2005, made major improvements a year or so later, and then a few minor adjustments over the next few seasons. When the last edit occurred (the, ".1" in 7.1, I suppose), Mike Krzyzewski still "only" had three rings.

I am open to suggestions about which memes from the last four or five AYs ought to be included. Remember that we're looking for "topics" here, not individual events. Unless the individual event gave rise to a recurring meme. The purpose of the HPR is to serve as a mildly satiric compendium of topics, which is both as comprehensive but also as concise as possible. So for example, I don't think Henderson elbowing Hansbrough in the face qualifies as an ongoing topic. That's more of an "event."

There's also a section, "[Mercifully] Extinct Topics." I can see two ways to go here. One is to cut it out, and the other is to enshrine a sort of smallish HOF of extinct topics, perhaps ten or a dozen. JJ's dorsal dermatology would not make the cut. Whether Greg Paulus would play football for Duke would make the cut.

It would be pretty infeasible to include off-topic topics; I think we need to stick to the Elizabeth King Board for the most part.

I make no promises about what sort of timeframe I'm going to accomplish this within. But I do have a long weekend at my folks' house coming up.

[Kedsy]

It has come to my attention that the link to the Handy Pocket Reference is dead, seeing as how Duke was willing to extend webspace privileges to me for nine years after I left, but not ten. Go figure. This draft is what I called 7.1, and I don't think it's been updated since the 2008-09 AY.

We're discussing the possibility of DBR hosting the document.

But if we were to do that, I'd need to update it first.

If there are any issues with the new DBR hosting the document, I can host the document. Just PM me if that's something you're interested in.

[OZZIE4DUKE]

This is the last version I have saved on my computer!

Throatybeard’s DBR Manifesto/Pocket Reference
–
Read this and you can avoid having to actually read similar posted comments!
1) Koaching Koncerns
a) Krzyzewski’s management of the rotation will bite us/has bitten us in the I'm a real wanker for saying this.I'm a real wanker for saying this.I'm a real wanker for saying this..
b) We have no bench.
c) [Player X who transferred away] sure would help us right now. (Related to a.)
d) I’m worried that [player] will transfer. (Related to a.)
e) Krzyzewski’s management of the clock (AKA stall ball) will bite us/has bitten us in the I'm a real wanker for saying this.I'm a real wanker for saying this.I'm a real wanker for saying this..
f) Krzyzewski loves guards too much; we need a real big man coach besides Wojo, of at least ‘6-10” himself. (AKA small ball)
g) Why can’t we rebound? (related to f.)
h) Why won’t Krzyzewski schedule [any true road games/better opponents/games close to my house/team we used to play]
i) Who will Krzyzewski start next year? (ad nauseam for 7 months)
j) Ohmigod, what will we do when Krzyzewski retires?!?! (AKA next coach speculation)
k) Kwit komplaining about K. He has won three more national championships than you have. His strategies succeed in infinitely more komplex ways than your minuscule brain can komprehend.
l) Why doesn’t [Duke big man] assert himself more, and does/how does Krzyzewski’s coaching style contribute to wussyness?
m) I think we shoot way too many damn threes!
n) We don’t take enough mid-range shots.
o) Our shot selection sucks in general; we take too many contested/long/off balance shots.
p) Our point guard is too turn-over prone; why doesn’t Koach do anything about that?
q) Why doesn’t Krzyzewski save his timeouts like Dean did?
r) Why doesn’t Krzyzewski call a timeout to set up the game-final possession?
s) Why doesn’t Krzyzewski make us practice foul shots more; FTs are really biting us in the I'm a real wanker for saying this.I'm a real wanker for saying this.I'm a real wanker for saying this..
t) Hey, I think we should play some zone--why don’t we ever do that?

2) They are all against me! They all must die!
a) Some yahoo columnist at [Publication] said something nasty about us. Let’s teach him a lesson by bombing his inbox!
b) Jay Bilas is a traitor for not talking us up enough. His whole discourse is a secret code of cracks on our players and program.
c) Dick Vitale talks us up too much and makes everyone hate us even more.
d) [Announcer, usually Elmore or Packer] has a vendetta against us and talks us down.
e) “[Insert name of writer or commentator or internet poster] [misspelled/mispronounced] [insert Duke player’s name] and needs to be set straight. It’s just [sloppy/lazy/unprofessional] for a so-called “journalist” [or fan] to make such a basic mistake, after all.” (AKA, “Who is Sheldon?”)
f) UNC owns the North Carolina media and they’re all [Charlotte writers especially] against us.
g) Those damn Carolina refs.
h) Billy Packer/Len Elmore/ESPN are complicit in the refs disfavoring us in a reactive manner.
i) Here’s why those Maryland hosers are wrong about the refs favoring us
j) Man, the ACC refs sure are inconsistent this year. (Recycle indefinitely).
k) Duke’s best player, usu. a guard] gets rough-housed every year, and the refs never call anything.
l) I’m worried that we’re too soft for loose NCAAT officiating.
m) I’m worried ticky-tack calls/tight officiating on our bigs will doom us in the NCAAT.
n) he NCAAT Committee screwed Duke.
o) The NCAAT Committee purposely massages the brackets to set up potential “interesting” matchups involving Duke.

3) Visual Media Concerns
a) [Network]’s production values suck.
b) [Network]’s announcers suck; (no they don’t—I like that guy!)
c) Do you know of a Duke bar in [locale]?
d) Why isn’t our game on in my market? Let’s have a really, really long discussion about that.

4) Event Attendance
a) How do I get men’s basketball tickets?
b) How do I get tickets to those Christmas games? (3 months after they went on sale)
c) Someone please sell me tickets.
d) My grandmother has 9 kinds of cancer and a parasitic eel living in her brain, and her last wish is to go to the Duke men’s game on [specific weekend].
e) Let me tell you about how much my parking (all sports) or restroom (Wade) experience sucked.
f) Let’s have an incredibly long discussion about who’s going to [neutral site men’s game] and where to eat.
g) When does the men’s basketball schedule come out? (Third Friday in August; stop asking!!!!)
h) How do I get the basketball schedule into my expensive electronic handheld scheduling toy?

5) Aesthetics
a) Our uniforms are/are not ugly.
b) Our [color] uniforms cause X result because the players get more/less confident in them.
c) I just saw this year’s new unis, and man, we really are Nike’s 75 cent whore, aren’t we?
d) Something in my vicinity is Carolina blue and this offends me.
e) Our football field has a freaking track around it.
f) The Devil mascot needs to look exactly like it did 30, 50, or 70 years ago.
g) We need to wear our school color more, especially at events.
h) That’s not our school color!
i) One time Matt Doherty said our cheerleaders are ugly, so we hate him.
j) [Kid on Duke team, usually most prominent white player] makes me hot.
k) [Female player] is hot; (no she’s not—you’re a sexist pig!)
l) Let me tell you about this really hot cheerleader we had in 19XX; (you’re a sexist pig!) m) Ugliest male players in ACC history.

6) Recruiting
a) We need an athletic wing in the ‘6-6” to ‘6-9” range. (AKA Where have you gone, Mr. Hill?)
b) Duke always outrecruits [school A], or [school B] always outrecruits us. What’s up with that?
c) [New commit, age 17] will lead us to the national championship/be one of Duke’s all-time greats.
d) When will [HS player] decide? I am nervous since he visited and we didn’t get an immediate commitment.
e) When will we get our next commitment?
f) [Recruit] reminds me of [previous Duke player, usu. of same race and somatype, but not necessarily game].
g) I saw [Carolina commit], and he’s not as good as they say he is.
h) Hey, shouldn’t we be recruiting [younger sibling] of [current Duke player]?
i) Krzyzewski has lost his touch and we are missing out on too many top recruits.
j) Krzyzewski needs to stop recruiting “one-and-done” players like [best current big man].
k) Krzyzewski doesn’t recruit enough elite [“one-and-done”] players.
l) Krzyzewski doesn’t recuit enough “athletic” players.

7) Football
a) Our coach sucks/our coach needs more time before determining degree of suckage.
b) Why can Stanford and Northwestern do it, but we can’t?
c) Let’s drop to I-AA or make a private school conference.
d) I’m completely obsessed with BB year round, and these FB threads annoy me. It’s the Duke Basketball Report, people.
e) Hey, is Greg Paulus gonna play football?
f) I have a great idea. Let’s install a trick offense like the option this week. What’s to lose?
g) The only way we’ll ever succeed in football is to pay a name coach an amount equal to the GDP of Poland.
h) Can we get Halliburton to clean up the men’s restrooms in Wallace Wade?
i) The Duke administration gives athletics [read: basketball] too much attention or gives athletics [read: football] too little attention.
j) We need to schedule all the other small I-A private schools.

8) Repetitive Reminiscing
a) Your favorite Duke dunk.
b) Your favorite Duke comeback.
c) Indianapolis/Minneapolis/East Rutherford/Greensboro is great!
d) Tropicana/Rupp/Carrier Dome sucks!
e) The Crazies did this thing one time--it was great! (Usually the same five things mentioned, leading off with Speedo Guy).
f) I have this superstitious thing I do/wear during games; what’s yours?
g) I didn’t do my superstitious thing this time, precipitating a negative result.
h) Remember all the awful things that happened to the winner of our season terminal loss? (AKA The Duke Curse, usu. followed by long discussion of whether the Duke Curse is (1) real or not and (2) funny or not.)
i) Your all-time Duke all-star team.
j) Your ranking of top all-time Duke men’s teams.
k) Let me tell you about this letter Terry Sanford wrote one time. (Usu. stated in a manner as though no one has ever heard of it).
l) This one time, against Wake Forest, Patrick Davidson did something.

9) Rivals
a) Check out how not obsessed we are with Carolina.
b) Check out how not obsessed we are with Maryland.
c) Check out how not obsessed we are with Kentucky.
d) Check out how not obsessed we are with Connecticut.
e) Check out how not obsessed we are with Stanford.
[B]f) Go to hell Carolina. (Repeated ad nauseam). http://www.crazietalk.net/ourhouse/images/smilies/devil9f.gif
g) I sure hate Carolina/Maryland/Kentucky/UConn/Stanford; here’s why.
h) Check it out--[school’s] player got in trouble. Nyah nyah nyah.
i) Check it out--[school’s] students got in a riot. Nyah nyah nyah.
j) I never read IC, but did you see what those hosers said about us?
k) We’re so superior to every other online community; here’s why.
l) Dean Smith is a mean old man; here’s why.
m) Your most hated Carolina (or opposing) player.
n) Your favorite Carolina (or opposing) player.

10) The National Basketball [sic] Association
a) Duke pros do NOT suck!
b) I think [Duke player] will achieve [unreasonable expectation] in the NBA. (Usually sanely shot down by Jumbo.)
c) My favorite Duke pro doesn’t get enough PT or isn’t being used correctly by his franchise.
d) Why the NBA does/does not suck.
e) Seemingly interminable draft speculation.
f) [Player X] [should/should not] OR [will/will not, so I’ve heard] declare for the draft, and if they [do/do not] then they’re [stupid/smart]. If [Player X] is a Duke player, then we [wish him well/wish him dead] and don’t understand why folks don’t understand the value of [cash money/a Duke education].
g) Analysis of Krzyzewski’s national team.

11) And Bill Werber Served the Beer (AKA, the older we get, the better we was; AKA, workhardplayhard)
a) Duke students were cool when I was 20; now they’re all nerds.
b) Nan Keohane ruined Duke by making token concessions to law enforcement re: open distribution to minors.
c) Nan Keohane ruined Duke by putting all the freshmen on East.
d) Douglas Knight ruined Duke by de-emphasizing football.
e) The Cameron Crazies suck now; we were so much cleverer/wilder/more dedicated when I was 20.
f) I have a [usually lame] idea for a cheer for the Crazies! Check it!
g) Why won’t these 20 year olds learn the words to our fight songs? (A: Because the words are lame 1920s clap-trap, that’s why).
h) We didn’t have tents when I was 20, so the kids today shouldn’t have tents.
i) I don’t understand cheer X. Please explain it to me. (Multiple times for same cheer).
j) That retarded “O” thing is great/an abomination. (BTW, everybody, check the Wikipedia article on the Star Spangled Banner and look for Duke).
k) The damn kids don’t support the team any more. Let me explain how much more effective I would be in those stands despite my varicose veins and my mortgage debt.
l) The reason the damn kids don’t support the team anymore is that tenting/bracelet rules are intimidating.

12) Jersey Retirement
a) [Best Duke men’s senior this year, no matter how under qualified] should have his jersey retired. (No he shouldn’t; yes he should!).
b) What are the Jersey Retirement Criteria?
c) I happen to know THE Jersey Retirement Criteria and I will tell you!
d) Dude, are we gonna run out of jersey numbers at some point?
e) Why does Krzyzewski [allegedly] not like 0/00?

13) Self-congratulation/pity
a) Duke just won something. We’re awesome.
b) Duke just lost or barely won something. We suck.
c) Duke just lost something. We’re still awesome, but not quite as awesome as we would have been had Duke won.
d) Duke just got killed. Boy do we ever suck.
e) Remember when we beat/didn’t beat [opponent] back in [year]? Man, was that ever awesome/not awesome/sucky. (Also can be filed under #8, Reminisces)
f) Let’s re-live all our colossal blown leads in the last decade.
g) Here are my Duke fan credentials. What are yours?
h) Can we go undefeated this year?
i) We’re not snobs; we’re just better than everyone else. Ugrad admission rejection %ages are the best metric of divine salvation. US News should rank us even higher. We’re dead sexy.

14) Meta-DBR Board discussion
a) There’s violence inherent within the system. Help help, I’m being oppressed.
b) Censorship, schmensorship. It’s JBJ’s board and they can do what they want with it.
c) The DBR Board used to be better in [insert year]. (Could also be filed under Bill Werber served the beer).
d) Even though we just lost, I’m more annoyed by the sudden emergence of the Screaming Howler Panic Monkeys (SHPaM).
e) Damn you, I’m not a SHPaM!
f) I think the SBBS is the greatest BBS ever. James is God.
g) I think the SBBS is too hard to use what with those crazy codes.
h) What are all of these odd number/letter combos people keep throwing out?
i) Damn, throaty, that pocket reference is the best thing since the Iliad.
j) I think the pocket reference is mean; it reinforces an insider/outsider dynamic. You suck, throaty.

15) Women’s Basketball
a) Goestenkors can’t coach big games.
b) Our team is soft compared to [UNC/UConn/SEC team]
c) [UNC’s toughest player] is the biggest I'm a real wanker for saying this.I'm a real wanker for saying this.I'm a real wanker for saying this.I'm a real wanker for saying this.I'm a real wanker for saying this. in the history of Western Civilization.
d) Sweet tap-dancing Moses, did you see what Sylvia Hatchell was wearing?
e) How do I get tickets to the sold-out [UNC/UTK/UConn] women’s game (1 month after they were sold). I really want to go; it’s the only women’s game I’ve ever been interested in, after all
f) I’ve only seen the two nationally televised games all season, but being an experienced basketball fan I have to say, [player] is simply a liability to this team.
g) My rec-league team of five fortysomething guys could beat a team of five Alana Beards.
h) Wooden says the women’s game is purer, Ha, take that!
i) Women’s BB players shouldn’t have their numbers retired or be considered to have school-wide records because it’s a different sport.
j) Chris Moreland gets no respect, what up?

16) Comestibles
a) Barbecue.
b) New York Delis.
c) Concessions at Wade and Cameron.

Appendix) [Mercifully] Extinct Topics
a) ACC Expansion.
b) Whether or not to bi/tri/quart/quint-furcate the DBR boards.
c) A/C in Cameron.
d) I saw Nick Horvath in summer pick-up, and he’s hitting threes blinfolded in a dark gym with 45-degree slanted rims, he’s put on 50 pounds of muscle, he schooled Boozer/SWilliams, and Angelina Jolie was seen waiting for him after practice, idling in a cherry-colored convertible.
e) JJ Redick and dorsal dermatology. (AKA The T-shirt Discussion).
f) Minute gradations of vocal support needed/not needed by Chris Burgess at the foul line.
g) Daniel Ewing’s flurry of technical fouls.
h) Amateur analysis of Shavlik Randolph’s psyche.
Version – 2007

[throatybeard]

This is the last version I have saved on my computer!

I'm not sure if that's 7.1 or not. The file is on my other computer. Obviously, it needs some updating.

[Dev11]

Since I joined here in 2009, cinderblocks and Skype have become recurring memes. Who was the recruit whose picture started the cinderblock fad?

Also, the list of rivals and the state of the football program probably need to be updated.

EDIT: Looking over the version Ozzie posted, ACC Expansion came out of extinction and is hopefully back to being extinct. Also, needs more Twitter

[Duvall]

Ah, the distant days of 2007.

Maryland matters should be moved to defunct, or revised to reflect the current "We don't care about Maryland/We hate Maryland for leaving/We are glad to see Maryland gone" state of play.

Also, Krzyzewski retirement topics probably could be made an entire category at this point.

[Nugget]

Notwithstanding the need for some updating, Throaty's opus does truly stand the test of time. It really does account for 94.5% of posts made on DBR.

I do think we can do away with 7(a) for as long as Coach Cutcliffe stays at Duke.

Personally, one I'd add is "X walk-on really might contribute this year; don't underestimate him."

Didn't see if you had one about paying the players/NCAA organizational structure, but if not, that's a perennial.

[MCFinARL]

How about these:

1. It seems like Duke players have a disproportionate number of injuries, especially foot injuries/why do Duke players have so many foot injuries?
2. What will happen to recruiting for the women's team if/when [assistant coach] leaves/why is there so much turnover in Coach P's assistants?
3. Item similar to the Jay Bilas item about John Feinstein.

Agree that most of this list could have been written today--which is why it is such a great list.

[Newton_14]

Since I joined here in 2009, cinderblocks and Skype have become recurring memes. Who was the recruit whose picture started the cinderblock fad?

Also, the list of rivals and the state of the football program probably need to be updated.

EDIT: Looking over the version Ozzie posted, ACC Expansion came out of extinction and is hopefully back to being extinct. Also, needs more Twitter

Pretty sure it started in a recruiting thread regarding Tyler Adams, a 6'8 Big from down South who was a big kid with length. A photo was posted of him with him holding his arms fully stretched out in front of a cinderblock wall. We were attempting to count cinderblocks to determine what his wingspan was...

It became a thing. :)

[Bluedog]

Pretty sure it started in a recruiting thread regarding Tyler Adams, a 6'8 Big from down South who was a big kid with length. A photo was posted of him with him holding his arms fully stretched out in front of a cinderblock wall. We were attempting to count cinderblocks to determine what his wingspan was...

It became a thing. :)

That's right. I posted the picture, so want the credit! :) Admittedly, I did not mention the cinderblocks in my post.

Edit:Maybe my memory is foggy. I see Duke of Nashville beat me to the punch but I'm on my phone so it's hard to tell. I had forgotten that Adams actually committed to Duke before backing out.

[throatybeard]

Pretty sure it started in a recruiting thread regarding Tyler Adams, a 6'8 Big from down South who was a big kid with length. A photo was posted of him with him holding his arms fully stretched out in front of a cinderblock wall. We were attempting to count cinderblocks to determine what his wingspan was...

It became a thing. :)

This is a problem, when I'm the guy working the document. I NEVER pay any attention to recruiting. I mean, I'm aware Wall was a PITA, and Harrison Barnes acted a fool when he announced, but that's it. I think that's the entire extent of my knowledge about recruiting since Shavlik Randolph committed.

A lot of this was due to so-called "experts" on the board continually claiming to know everything about recruiting and continually being wrong. Note that the real experts, like Sumner, don't make recruiting prognostications.

Perhaps ten years ago, I just decided, you know, K is the consummate professional. This guy is gonna get who he's gonna get. I'll give a crap about them if and when they show up as frosh. All I care about is what jersey number they're going to take when they're here, and if they're good.

Sulaimon is probably my favorite Duke MBB player in over a decade. I didn't know who he was until I saw him in an RS game.

[Dev11]

Also, add speculation that this year's one-and-done guy is going to stay 2 or 3 years and be on the "Jason Williams Graduation Plan" which obviously includes a national championship.

Is it finally time to make a sticky thread for "Welcome to Durham for 2 days, here are all of the things you need to do"?

[NSDukeFan]

This is a problem, when I'm the guy working the document. I NEVER pay any attention to recruiting. I mean, I'm aware Wall was a PITA, and Harrison Barnes acted a fool when he announced, but that's it. I think that's the entire extent of my knowledge about recruiting since Shavlik Randolph committed.

A lot of this was due to so-called "experts" on the board continually claiming to know everything about recruiting and continually being wrong. Note that the real experts, like Sumner, don't make recruiting prognostications.

Perhaps ten years ago, I just decided, you know, K is the consummate professional. This guy is gonna get who he's gonna get. I'll give a crap about them if and when they show up as frosh. All I care about is what jersey number they're going to take when they're here, and if they're good.

Sulaimon is probably my favorite Duke MBB player in over a decade. I didn't know who he was until I saw him in an RS game.

If you don't follow recruiting, you are missing a lot of material for your manifesto. You could make a whole manifesto based solely on recruiting and in-game threads.

[MChambers]

don't we need, "It's a small sample size, but . . ."

[Lar77]

How about these:

1. It seems like Duke players have a disproportionate number of injuries, especially foot injuries/why do Duke players have so many foot injuries?
2. What will happen to recruiting for the women's team if/when [assistant coach] leaves/why is there so much turnover in Coach P's assistants?
3. Item similar to the Jay Bilas item about John Feinstein.

Agree that most of this list could have been written today--which is why it is such a great list.

I love Throatybeard's list.

McFinARL, your #1 and 3 must be added, especially after last year.

[brevity]

I NEVER pay any attention to recruiting.


If you don't follow recruiting, you are missing a lot of material for your manifesto. You could make a whole manifesto based solely on recruiting and in-game threads.

Except for newsworthy announcement days -- like today -- I have zero interest in the DBR recruiting threads, for several reasons:

1. I don't believe that titles are won or lost based on the ranking of recruiting classes. If I started to believe that, I would quickly lose interest in college basketball.
2. As if 300-plus college teams are not enough, now I have to follow high school basketball? No thank you.
3. The amount of pointless speculation is ridiculous. It's like, hey, let's talk about rotation minutes... for the 2015-2016 squad.
4. "We're going to get Player X! I'm on top of the world! National champs, baby!"
5. "Player X declared elsewhere! I openly question our coaching staff's entire worth! Please leave me to die!"

That said, an updated manifesto that was light on recruiting posts would be woefully incomplete. What I like about the manifesto is that we can laugh at the worst parts of ourselves, and recruiting threads definitely bring out the worst. But instead of punishing yourself by visiting these threads, just ask for and incorporate some suggestions here.

P.S. We had a thread earlier this year about side dishes for BBQ. Just... pointing that out.

[-jk]

Lotusland might have offered the most perfect of all recruiting posts, and quite succinctly:

Will (he) either be a projected starter for Duke next year or a flawed recruit that we didn't really want anyway?

-jk

[throatybeard]

Note, however, that there already is a section on recruiting, with like thirteen topics in it.

[loran16]

Some of these now need to be retired:

7) Football

a) Our coach sucks/our coach needs more time before determining degree of suckage.
b) Why can Stanford and Northwestern do it, but we can’t?
c) Let’s drop to I-AA or make a private school conference.
d) I’m completely obsessed with BB year round, and these FB threads annoy me. It’s the Duke Basketball Report, people.
e) Hey, is Greg Paulus gonna play football?
f) I have a great idea. Let’s install a trick offense like the option this week. What’s to lose?
g) The only way we’ll ever succeed in football is to pay a name coach an amount equal to the GDP of Poland.
h) Can we get Halliburton to clean up the men’s restrooms in Wallace Wade?
i) The Duke administration gives athletics [read: basketball] too much attention or gives athletics [read: football] too little attention.
j) We need to schedule all the other small I-A private schools.

Letters a, c, f, g, and j need to be retired.

Proposed additions:
k) Why do we keep interrupting our quarterback's rhythm by putting in Connette near the goal line?
l) Why do we keep rotating so many running backs? [Running Back X] is clearly superior!
m) Why is our Defense under Cutcliffe so terrible? Fire the Defensive Coordinator!
n) Ted Roof is [insert team here]'s Defensive coordinator? And they're good at D? WTF


I'm sure others can think of more.

[throatybeard]

Some of these now need to be retired:

7) Football


Letters a, c, f, g, and j need to be retired.

Proposed additions:
k) Why do we keep interrupting our quarterback's rhythm by putting in Connette near the goal line?
l) Why do we keep rotating so many running backs? [Running Back X] is clearly superior!
m) Why is our Defense under Cutcliffe so terrible? Fire the Defensive Coordinator!
n) Ted Roof is [insert team here]'s Defensive coordinator? And they're good at D? WTF


I'm sure others can think of more.

I'm somewhat in agreement with you. A, C, G need to go. But, people are STILL making the argument in J. The idea of being so much better than anyone who isn't Northwestern or Stanford or Rice is intoxicating to our snobby fanbase.

Of yours,

K) Connette is too specific. That will time out in a couple years.
L) is good. It's flexible. Of course, this is what FFB people have been saying about Shanahan for a long time, so it's hardly unique to us.
M) is good as long as Cut is here, so let's hope that's another decade, so yeah.

N) That's interesting. I can't make my mind up about that. Roof isn't even 50, so this could have some shelf life. His hair done gone grey though. I'll admit this one, provisionally.

Of all the silly things I've ever heard in these parts, the silliest has got to be that installing something like the option in a week would solve our football problems. And yet, people were so desperate during the FranksRoofReich that it sort of sounded plausible.

[Wander]

o) We'll never be a real football school until we get rid of the track
p) The SEC may be better than us, but it doesn't really count because every school, except maybe Vanderbilt, definitely cheats
q) Our non-conference schedule is too easy, we'll never get good attendance playing Navy/NCCU/Memphis
r) Our non-conference schedule is too hard, there's no point in playing Alabama/Stanford/Baylor
s) Our quarterback is too short

OK, that last one just refers to one specific player and one specific poster, but it's way too funny to not include

[BleedsP287]

Just don't change the numbering. Took me long enough to remember 9F and that was before the senility set in.

[BD80]

Just don't change the numbering. Took me long enough to remember 9F and that was before the senility set in.

9F CANNOT change. I may forget the names of my children, but I will be mumbling 9F as the nurse wipes the spittle from my chin!

[DukieInKansas]

9F CANNOT change. I may forget the names of my children, but I will be mumbling 9F as the nurse wipes the spittle from my chin!

Very true. I wore a 9F button to the KU-Duke football game a few years ago (thank you Ima) and had to explain it to someone - with the caveat that it is always appropriate - no matter who we are playing. It should need no explaining. Besides, I don't want Ima to have to design a new button. :D

[Mtn.Devil.91.92.01.10.15]

9F forever, but it might be time to retire 9L

[MCFinARL]

9F forever, but it might be time to retire 9L

Yes. Pretty sure it could be replaced by something appropriate about Ol' Roy--perhaps about his propensity to put himself in the center of things (viz., Late Night with Roy) or his occasional tendency to throw his players under the bus when speaking to the media--assuming there isn't already something like that in there (I admit I didn't reread the whole list before posting).

[BlueDevilinNYC]

I have searched this site far and wide as to the meaning of "9F".

Thank you for finally, on this day, allowing me to see the light!

9F 9F 9F

[AncientPsychicT]

o) ...
p) ...
q) ...
r) ...
s) ...

t) Why do we call so many bubble screens? Don't those plays always go for like -8 yards? We should throw deep more!
u) Why do we bomb it deep so often? Our QB is woefully inaccurate! We need to run it more to better compliment our QB's skillset.
v) Ugh, why do we run so often? Our O-Line is terrible and our runs always go nowhere! We need more short passes to offset our lack of a running game.

I think these three accurately describe recent criticisms of our offense.

Admittedly, v) hasn't gotten as much run (;)) this year, as our running game has actually been quite decent.

[throatybeard]

9F forever, but it might be time to retire 9L

9L is timeless; he had been retired for eight years when I wrote the original.

OTOH, maybe we shouldn't pick on someone with actual senile dementia. There's an argument to be made for that.

[tux]

I agree that the entry about Nick needs to be retired, but the general idea should be included (perhaps it's in there and I missed it):

(Player/New Transfer) X was seen dominating a (meaningless pick-up, summer league, or practice) game and is sure to start over player Y or log heavy minutes next year. (Someone close to the program) said he was (going to be/already) the best player on the team.

[throatybeard]

I agree that the entry about Nick needs to be retired


Oh, hell no. That silliness is in the Hall of Fame.

[Mtn.Devil.91.92.01.10.15]

9L is timeless; he had been retired for eight years when I wrote the original.

OTOH, maybe we shouldn't pick on someone with actual senile dementia. There's an argument to be made for that.

This was more to my point. Not that it isn't historically true, but more that it should be retired out of respect for a man with a debilitating condition.

[brevity]

But I do have a long weekend at my folks' house coming up.

I don't know if that long weekend is going on right now, but I thought of an addition to your handy reference: upset alerts.

Basically it comes down to 2 posts by the same person:
1) "Check it out. Team X is currently beating Carolina/Kentucky/unlikable ranked team by double digits!"
2) "Never mind. Carolina/Kentucky/unlikable ranked team came back to win. Huh, I wonder how that happened."

It sort of falls under Superstition, but it's not actually about Duke. Here's a recent example (http://forums.dukebasketballreport.com/forums/showthread.php?32425) that turns out to be very self-aware. Maybe under meta-DBR?

[chaosmage]

Can we add a specific "We beat Doug Gottlieb years ago, and he's still calling us alarmingly unathletic?" followed by a more humorous statement which I'm sure someone smarter and more clever than me can create. :-)

And in agreement re: 9F

[sagegrouse]

Can we add a specific "We beat Doug Gottlieb years ago, and he's still calling us alarmingly unathletic?" followed by a more humorous statement which I'm sure someone smarter and more clever than me can create. :-)

And in agreement re: 9F

Here's the press conference transcript:


.Doug Gottlieb called your team alarmingly unathletic. Did you think today answered that question pretty emphatically?

COACH MIKE KRZYZEWSKI: He should be an expert on alarmingly non‑athletic. So I'll have to take a look at that a little bit closer because it comes from an expert who actually knows what it feels like to be alarmingly non‑athletic.

[BleedsP287]

Apologies, but I can't locate the revised manifesto. Could someone please reply with a link? Or are we still looking for a home for it?

[-jk]

Apologies, but I can't locate the revised manifesto. Could someone please reply with a link? Or are we still looking for a home for it?

It's not been revised, but the original is posted in this thread (http://forums.dukebasketballreport.com/forums/showthread.php?10527-DBR-Manifesto-(AKA-Throaty-s-Handy-Pocket-Reference)&p=672204#post672204).

-jk

[throatybeard]

I'll revise it at some point. I've been too busy doing my job, and making smart aleck one-liners on this board.

I still welcome input and will take any input into consideration.

[Indoor66]

I'll revise it at some point. I've been too busy doing my job, and making smart aleck one-liners on this board.

I still welcome input and will take any input into consideration.

We need a reference point for the need to update the original and all supplements. :cool:

[luburch]

Sorry to be the guy to revive this thread from the dead, but as it was mentioned in the 2016 recruiting thread I felt a need to revisit the manifesto. I hope I am mistaken, but it seems that Throaty never got around to updating the document. :(

[lotusland]

Lotusland might have offered the most perfect of all recruiting posts, and quite succinctly:

Will (he) either be a projected starter for Duke next year or a flawed recruit that we didn't really want anyway?

-jk

Can't remember which recruit I posted that about but, as I recall , he turned out to be flawed.

[throatybeard]

9T) UNC-Chapel Hill is in the national championship, and I'm not sure whether my anus is bleeding or my brain is oozing through my eustachian tubes, but it's very bad.

[Newton_14]

9T) UNC-Chapel Hill is in the national championship, and I'm not sure whether my anus is bleeding or my brain is oozing through my eustachian tubes, but it's very bad.

Weird. We live several states apart and I have the exact same symptoms...

[devildeac]

9T) UNC-Chapel Hill is in the national championship, and I'm not sure whether my anus is bleeding or my brain is oozing through my eustachian tubes, but it's very bad.


Weird. We live several states apart and I have the exact same symptoms...

You guys both need cranio-rectal specialists :rolleyes: .

[throatybeard]

Villanova yet lives.

[MCFinARL]

Villanova yet lives.

Not only lives, but thrives. Hope your symptoms have now cleared up. Set aside 9T and go back to 9F!

[throatybeard]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L7FFJUz0tdo


Not only lives, but thrives. Hope your symptoms have now cleared up. Set aside 9T and go back to 9F!

[Indoor66]

You guys both need cranio-rectal specialists :rolleyes: .

I diagnose this as an Ophtho-Rectal Nerve syndrome. Treatable by Jenkin's Shots.

[devildeac]

I diagnose this as an Ophtho-Rectal Nerve syndrome. Treatable by Jenkin's Shots.

Looks like just one was needed...

[Indoor66]

Looks like just one was needed...

Dump on the Hump Theme Song for this year's NCAA. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qDEmmLDyHZc)