Today, Jokes

[EarlJam]

I'm hungover. Son of a....

I'm getting too old for this. Let's tell some jokes. Here's one:

So a ham sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender quickly holds his hand up, motioning the ham sandwich to stop. With a surly tone, he says, "Sorry pal, we don't serve food here."

Ha! Ha! Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!

Bring 'em on.

-EarlJam

[allenmurray]

I'm hungover. Son of a....

I'm getting too old for this. Let's tell some jokes. Here's one:

So a ham sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender quickly holds his hand up, motioning the ham sandwich to stop. With a surly tone, he says, "Sorry pal, we don't serve food here."

Ha! Ha! Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!

Bring 'em on.

-EarlJam

A skeleton walks into a bar. He says, "give me a beer and a mop."

[Dukiedevil]

3 guys walk into a bar... The 4th guy ducks

[hc5duke]

A guy walks into a bar, sits down and pulls out a tiny piano and a tiny pianist to go with it, and... oh wait... I don't think I can finish this joke without getting banned

[JBDuke]

A rather worn piece of rope, all tangled up in the middle, walks into a bar. The barkeep says, "Hey, we don't serve rope in here. Aren't you just a piece of old rope?", and the rope replies, "No, I'm a frayed knot."

[TillyGalore]

Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 8 9.

[riverside6]

A neutron walks into a bar and orders a beer. When he gets up to leave, he asked for the check. The bartender replied, "No charge."

[riverside6]

A termite walks into the bar, and asks "Is the bar tender here?"

[alteran]

A priest, a lawyer, a talking horse, and a traveling salesman walked into a bar. The bartender asked, "What is this, some kind of joke?"

[alteran]

A neutron walks into a bar and orders a beer. When he gets up to leave, he asked for the check. The bartender replied, "No charge."

An atom walks into a bar looking depressed. He leans over and asks the bartender for three shots of whiskey and a beer.

The bartender asks, "Is something wrong, buddy?"

The atom nods and says, "I lost an electron."

"Are you sure?", asks the bartender.

The atom replies: "I'm positive."

[DevilAlumna]

Protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.

[DevilAlumna]

Naked blonde walks into a bar with a poodle under one arm and a two foot salami under the other. She lays the poodle on the table. Bartender says: "I suppose you won't be needing a drink." The naked lady says...


(Does ANYONE know the rest of that joke?)

[EarlJam]

Naked blonde walks into a bar with a poodle under one arm and a two foot salami under the other. She lays the poodle on the table. Bartender says: "I suppose you won't be needing a drink." The naked lady says...


(Does ANYONE know the rest of that joke?)

The naked lady says, "Why have a drink when you have a poodle named Gerkin?!"

Actually, I don't know. But I am eagerly awaiting.

[EarlJam]

Shoe walks into a bar, orders three shots of liquor, downs one after another. Bartender says "you ok, buddy?"
shoe says, "Not really, I just lost my lover."
Bartender says "I'm so sorry. I can see you two were close."
Shoe says "Yeah. she was my sole mate."

[EarlJam]

Female shoe walks into a bar, orders three shots of liquor, and throws them back. Bartender says "Everything ok?"
Female shoe says "My lover just left me."
Bartender says, "That's terrible, i'm sorry."
Female shoe says "No big loss, he was a real heel."

[captmojo]

Old guy wins a drawing at the fair. They pull him on stage and present him with his prize - a toilet brush. Everybody gets a laugh but he doesn't see the humor.
Two weeks later he's walking downtown and meets an old friend on the street. The friend walks up and laughingly asks him how he likes the toilet brush. He answers, "Well, I like it pretty well but you know, I prefer toilet paper".

[Exiled_Devil]

Naked blonde walks into a bar with a poodle under one arm and a two foot salami under the other. She lays the poodle on the table. Bartender says: "I suppose you won't be needing a drink." The naked lady says...


(Does ANYONE know the rest of that joke?)

I belief she says "oh $|-|17" and falls through the ceiling.

Exiled

[Exiled_Devil]

What did the fish say when he swam into a brick wall?


Damn.

[AtlBluRew]

Three women are about to be executed for crimes. One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde.

Two guards brings the brunette forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."

Suddenly the brunette yells, "EARTHQUAKE!!" Everyone is startled and looks around. She manages to escape.

The angry guards then bring the redhead forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."

The redhead then screams, "TORNADO!!" Yet again, everyone is startled and looks around. She too escapes execution.

By this point, the blonde had figured out what the others did. The guards bring her forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She also says no, and the executioner shouts, Ready . . . Aim . . ."

The blonde shouts, "FIRE!!"

[jaytoc]

Grasshopper walks into a bar and sits down. Bartender exclaims "Hey, this is so cool, we've got a drink named after you!"

Grasshopper incredulously responds, "Really, you've got a drink named Murray?"