What's so "cool" about Santa?

[EarlJam]

He markets himself to kids, who love him, then approaches them in this manner:

You BETTER watch out!

You BETTER not cry!

You BETTER not pout!

I'm TELLING you why!

Santa Claus is coming to town. (like he's some kind of bad arse or something)

(Some stranger talks to/threatens my kid like that I'm going to open up a can of whoop arse)

He knows when you are sleeping (What?! How? That's just creepy)

He knows when you're awake (scary, scary, SCARY!)

He knows if you've been good or bad (and I'm betting deep down he WANTS you to be bad)

So be GOOD for goodness sake (Amen. Or else, well, I'd better not go there)

If some alien came to this planet and heard this song about Santa, they'd equate him with the likes of Charles Manson, Jeffrey Dahmer, or Pee Wee Herman.

Santa Claus. I'm GLAD he's dead/not real.

-EarlJam

[dukepsy1963]

The intervention group for EarlJam will meet privately on DBR to discuss the upcoming confrontation with him. Any new ideas about homes or facilities that we might persuade him to enter are still being entertained.

Remember, while EarlJam is aware that he is being filmed, he hasn't a clue that he will be asked to admit himself for treatment.

Thanks for all your work!

[allenmurray]

You BETTER watch out!
You BETTER not cry!
You BETTER not pout!
I'm TELLING you why!
Santa Claus is coming to town.

[I]He knows when you are sleeping [/I
He knows when you're awake
He knows if you've been good or bad
So be GOOD for goodness sake

If some alien came to this planet and heard this song about Santa, they'd equate him with the likes of Charles Manson, Jeffrey Dahmer, or Pee Wee Herman.

-EarlJam

No, if some alien came to earth and heard this song about Santa they would think he is the typical American's image of God - all knowing, all seeing, possibley rewarding (heaven) and quite punative (hell). That is scary, for both Santa and God.

[EarlJam]

The intervention group for EarlJam will meet privately on DBR to discuss the upcoming confrontation with him. Any new ideas about homes or facilities that we might persuade him to enter are still being entertained.

Remember, while EarlJam is aware that he is being filmed, he hasn't a clue that he will be asked to admit himself for treatment.

Thanks for all your work!

But what shall we do with the people who worship Brent Musberger? It is not right to do that to butter, or with the stick in general. I like rabbits. Ooooooooooh La La Laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!! I want some ice cream...and tacos!

Hello purple flying thingy. You are my friend so I must kill you.

-EarlJam

[Channing]

An email that has been circulating for a while: Not sure if everyone here has seen it


HELL EXPLAINED BY A CHEMISTRY STUDENT

Body: The following is an actual question given on University of
Washington chemistry mid term.

The answer by one student was so 'profound' that the professor shared it
with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have
the pleasure of enjoying it as well:


Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic
(absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law gas
cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we
need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate
at which they are leaving I think that we can safely assume that once a
soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.
As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different
religions that exist in the world today.

Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their
religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these
religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we
can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as
they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase
exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell
because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and
pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of H ell has to expand
proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls
enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase
until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in
Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes
over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year
that, "It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take
into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two
must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already
frozen over.

The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it
follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore,
extinct . . . . ...leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence
of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting
"Oh my God."


THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+.

[cato]

Snopes, just in case.

[Chard]

An email that has been circulating for a while: Not sure if everyone here has seen it


HELL EXPLAINED BY A CHEMISTRY STUDENT

Body: The following is an actual question given on University of
Washington chemistry mid term.

The answer by one student was so 'profound' that the professor shared it
with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have
the pleasure of enjoying it as well:


Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic
(absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law gas
cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we
need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate
at which they are leaving I think that we can safely assume that once a
soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.
As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different
religions that exist in the world today.

Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their
religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these
religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we
can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as
they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase
exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell
because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and
pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of H ell has to expand
proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls
enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase
until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in
Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes
over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year
that, "It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take
into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two
must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already
frozen over.

The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it
follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore,
extinct . . . . ...leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence
of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting
"Oh my God."


THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+.

Ha HA!

[snowdenscold]

Never heard this one before about Santa:

http://www.cnn.com/2007/US/12/18/san...ap/index.html

Well, the url says it all really...

"I've had some very nice ladies sit on my lap," said [Santa trainer] Connaghan, who did not train the Danbury Fair Santa. "Once in a while they'll say 'I hope Mrs. Claus isn't going to be upset.' You have to be discreet and kind and say 'Oh no, she'll be OK. You can sit here, but only for one photo."'

[knights68]

What's so cool about Santa?

He gets to live in a snowy place and plays with reindeer and elves... ok ok, the last part is a bit creepy.

But he brings people free stuff to buy their affection and adoration!

Free stuff, ya can't really beat that!