Fortuneless Fortune Cookie

[EarlJam]

Two true things (honest to the God I pray to):

1) Yesterday, just before I got to the steps up to my apartment, a black cat crossed my path. I tried to jump over it so that I could say I jumped over said cat instead of it "crossing my path."

2) Today, I just got through eating Chinease food for lunch. Opened my fortune cookie. No fortune. Nothing.

I'm doomed.


-EarlJam

[hc5duke]

Two true things (honest to the God I pray to):

1) Yesterday, just before I got to the steps up to my apartment, a black cat crossed my path. I tried to jump over it so that I could say I jumped over said cat instead of it "crossing my path."

2) Today, I just got through eating Chinease food for lunch. Opened my fortune cookie. No fortune. Nothing.

I'm doomed.


-EarlJam

re 1: Ever since I read Edgar Allen Poe's poem as a kid, I hated cats. You should have just run over it with your car before it could cross your path. Show the black cat exactly who's the unlucky one there.

re 2: Did you at least get a blank paper? I've gotten fortune cookies where the paper inside just had Chinese lessons (fake, I've been told) and no fortune.

[TillyGalore]

re 1: Ever since I read Edgar Allen Poe's poem as a kid, I hated cats. You should have just run over it with your car before it could cross your path. Show the black cat exactly who's the unlucky one there.

No, no, no, no. Please do not run over any cats, black or otherwise. This would make TillyGalore very, very sad.

[hc5duke]

No, no, no, no. Please do not run over any cats, black or otherwise. This would make TillyGalore very, very sad.

In case it wasn't clear... I was kidding. But I do hate cats. Hmm.. sounds like another DBR useless poll coming up: dogs vs cats

[TillyGalore]

In case it wasn't clear... I was kidding. But I do hate cats. Hmm.. sounds like another DBR useless poll coming up: dogs vs cats

I know you were kidding.

Umm, are you the person who puts cognac (why is it pronounced cone-yak?) and a rose on Poe's grave?

[EarlJam]

re 2: Did you at least get a blank paper? I've gotten fortune cookies where the paper inside just had Chinese lessons (fake, I've been told) and no fortune.

No. No piece of paper. Nothing. I guess it's better than getting a piece of paper reading, "You will be dead in one hour."

As for the cat, well, let's just say that I have a new hood ornament on my car.

-EarlJam

[TillyGalore]

As for the cat, well, let's just say that I have a new hood ornament on my car.

-EarlJam

Poor cat. It was probably trying to get the mouse out of your building.

[EarlJam]

Poor cat. It was probably trying to get the mouse out of your building.

"Mouse?" You mean, "Mice?"

That reminds me of an awesome snake story I have. In short, I put about 30 pellets into a backyard snake that looked venomous to me (and then wife). It was black with yellow rings around it and was crawling along some railroad ties we had in the backyard. After the pellets (used with gun with scope) were put into it, it fell to the ground. I then lopped it into about 16 pieces with a shovel.

I, EarlJam, was admittedly scared to death during the whole process. Snakes scare EarlJam.

When all was said and done, the snake was unrecognizable. I did a little Internet search and the description of this beast read something like, "If you see one of these in your backyard, do NOT harm it! These are among the most gentle, garden-friendly snakes in the world. They will keep out mice...."

I felt so, so, silly......and ashamed.

-EarlJam

[TillyGalore]

"Mouse?" You mean, "Mice?"

That reminds me of an awesome snake story I have. In short, I put about 30 pellets into a backyard snake that looked venomous to me (and then wife). It was black with yellow rings around it and was crawling along some railroad ties we had in the backyard. After the pellets (used with gun with scope) were put into it, it fell to the ground. I then lopped it into about 16 pieces with a shovel.

I, EarlJam, was admittedly scared to death during the whole process. Snakes scare EarlJam.

When all was said and done, the snake was unrecognizable. I did a little Internet search and the description of this beast read something like, "If you see one of these in your backyard, do NOT harm it! These are among the most gentle, garden-friendly snakes in the world. They will keep out mice...."

I felt so, so, silly......and ashamed.

-EarlJam

An honest mistake, though I am not a fan of snakes either. They scare the $%^$^ out of me.

Hey, did you see the recent Samuel Jackson movie "Snakes"? Yeah, me either.

[EarlJam]

An honest mistake, though I am not a fan of snakes either. They scare the $%^$^ out of me.

Hey, did you see the recent Samuel Jackson movie "Snakes"? Yeah, me either.

That's funny! Actually, I spontaneously rented it last week. It was entertaining...if stupid.

"I AM TIRED OF THESE MOTHER FROOKING SNAKES, ON THIS MOTHER FROOKING PLANE!"

-EarlJam

[Fish80]

That is a sad snake story. I generally try hard not to harm animals, since according to the quantum physicists, we're all connected by some type of goo or soup. Maybe it's the force.

Sticking (loosely) to the animal theme, a funny squirrel incident this morning: Driving to work, a squirrel crossed in front of my car. There was a car coming in the opposite direction and the squirrel was stuck in the middle, between the two cars. Not knowing what else to do, squirrel chose to jump as high as it could, cartoon like, launching from all four legs straight up in the air. My window was open, and the squirrel seemed to reach eye level. Very funny moment in time.

Said squirrel survived unscathed, physically anyway.

[TillyGalore]

Actually, I spontaneously rented it last week. It was entertaining...if stupid.
-EarlJam

I'll take your word for it. If I watch it I'll be dreaming, nay, having nightmares about snakes, thus will pass on this one.

[EarlJam]

That is a sad snake story. I generally try hard not to harm animals, since according to the quantum physicists, we're all connected by some type of goo or soup. Maybe it's the force.

Sticking (loosely) to the animal theme, a funny squirrel incident this morning: Driving to work, a squirrel crossed in front of my car. There was a car coming in the opposite direction and the squirrel was stuck in the middle, between the two cars. Not knowing what else to do, squirrel chose to jump as high as it could, cartoon like, launching from all four legs straight up in the air. My window was open, and the squirrel seemed to reach eye level. Very funny moment in time.

Said squirrel survived unscathed, physically anyway.

I agree. It did genuinely bum me out when I found out what kind of snake it was. And I buy into that notion that we are all connected in some way like that.

Glad the squirrels survived! When I see one of those things on the side of the road, ready to pounce, I know I'm in for a driving adventure.

-EarlJam

[hc5duke]

That is a sad snake story. I generally try hard not to harm animals, since according to the quantum physicists, we're all connected by some type of goo or soup. Maybe it's the force.

Sticking (loosely) to the animal theme, a funny squirrel incident this morning: Driving to work, a squirrel crossed in front of my car. There was a car coming in the opposite direction and the squirrel was stuck in the middle, between the two cars. Not knowing what else to do, squirrel chose to jump as high as it could, cartoon like, launching from all four legs straight up in the air. My window was open, and the squirrel seemed to reach eye level. Very funny moment in time.

Said squirrel survived unscathed, physically anyway.

You know he was just trying to cause an accident...

[Fish80]

I'll have to look at the video later, the security firewalls at work say "access denied"! Was the squirrel fully clothed?

[hc5duke]

I'll have to look at the video later, the security firewalls at work say "access denied"! Was the squirrel fully clothed?

Full frontal rodential(?) nudity. Sorry.

It was the GEICO commercial where a squirrel pops up in front of a car, you hear the car crashing, and you see the squirrel high-fiving another squirrel.

[Fish80]

That's a funny commercial. GEICO has great commercials.

[TillyGalore]

I was crossing the road on the way to work this morning when I noticed a squirrel in the middle of the road that had had an unplanned meeting with a car. Poor little thing was still twitching. I think this really bothered me as the little creature looked so much like my little gray kitty that I have had a hard time putting the image out of my head.

I didn't move his body as I was afraid it would attack me, http://youtube.com/watch?v=kiTarkl31Gw.

[TNTDevil]

...even though this thread has taken a very bizarre turn... "Chinese" fortune cookies... are an American invention.

I hope this helps.

[Tom B.]

That reminds me of an awesome snake story I have. In short, I put about 30 pellets into a backyard snake that looked venomous to me (and then wife). It was black with yellow rings around it and was crawling along some railroad ties we had in the backyard. After the pellets (used with gun with scope) were put into it, it fell to the ground. I then lopped it into about 16 pieces with a shovel.

Yeah, as soon as I read "black with yellow rings," I thought, Nice going, you killed a king snake. They're harmless to people, but very good at controlling the vermin population (they eat mice, rats, and other dirty little rodent critters), and some species even eat other venomous snakes.

If you see a snake and don't know what specific kind it is, you often can figure out whether it's poisonous through the process of elimination. There are only a few general types of venomous snakes that are indigenous to the U.S. -- the four main ones are rattlesnakes, copperheads, water moccasins (a.k.a. cottonmouths) and coral snakes.

Rattlesnakes and copperheads can be identified by certain physical features. They both have widened have trapezoidal-shaped heads and rattlesnakes have rattles (duh), while copperheads have a distinctive alternating light and dark brown banding pattern.

Water moccasins are harder to identify -- the adult snakes often have mottled skin with dark brown and/or black bands. They also have widened trapezoidal-shaped heads like rattlesnakes and copperheads.

The coral snake is perhaps both the easiest to identify and mis-identify. They have distinctive red, yellow and black bands -- which often cause them to be mistaken for the scarlet king snake or milk snake. A basic rule of thumb -- it's a coral snake if red and yellow bands touch each other, but not if red and black bands touch each other.

If you're in the U.S. and you see a snake that doesn't fit one of the descriptions above, chances are you're dealing with a non-venomous snake that doesn't need killin'. That being said, I wouldn't advise trying to pick it up or antagonizing it by poking it with a stick. Best to just leave it be.