Bossisms

[2535Miles]

In another thread, I need an Otolaryngologist? (http://www.dukebasketballreport.com/forums/showthread.php?t=9330), EarlJam got me thinking about bosses, and the lame things they say and do. I wanna hear your bossisms.

My boss abuses the term "Bottom line is...". The development team will be in a heated, yet worthwhile, discussion about how to approach a customer's need and he'll butt in with "Bottom line is the customer wants it do this." Not only has he neglected to add anything meaningful to the conversation, but he's restated the obvious and he didn't even deliver a 'bottom line'!

I went out to dinner with him and his wife; she was even dropping 'bottom lines' left and right.

[EarlJam]

In another thread, I need an Otolaryngologist? (http://www.dukebasketballreport.com/forums/showthread.php?t=9330), EarlJam got me thinking about bosses, and the lame things they say and do. I wanna hear your bossisms.

My boss abuses the term "Bottom line is...". The development team will be in a heated, yet worthwhile, discussion about how to approach a customer's need and he'll butt in with "Bottom line is the customer wants it do this." Not only has he neglected to add anything meaningful to the conversation, but he's restated the obvious and he didn't even deliver a 'bottom line'!

I went out to dinner with him and his wife; she was even dropping 'bottom lines' left and right.

Awesome thread!

Your boss means well, he's just got a lot of things on his plate and is trying not to get too far behind the 8-ball. I mean, at the end of the day (I hate that one), it's all about ROI.

So, to your point, keep thinking outside the box and maybe we can change the way people communicate in the office. It'll take time though to turn the aircraft carrier around. Get in the trenches, think of some ideas and we'll run it up the flagpole to see if anyone salutes it.

Have a good one, and / or take it easy now,

-EarlJam

[blublood]

This is probably a Southern thing, but I hate it when higher-ups say, for example, "We need to make students our number 1 priority, deliver good service to them, make sure they know they're important, and such as that." What? What other "suchs" could there possibly be when you've just said the same thing five freaking different times? And as charming as I find my native culture, why can't you say something that sounds less redneck??

Oh, and also, I hate it when people are thinking really dumb thoughts yet try to camouflage them with what they think are smart words. Words/phrases like "myself", "resonate", "so as to", and "at this time" are the most frequent victims. Like students will come in and I ask them for their ID's to file tax forms and they'll say very solemnly, "At this time, I don't have my social security card." O.k., fine - then just say that you don't have it since we obviously both inhabit the same space/time continuum.

Another example of this was Natalie on Survivor last week; "How does that resonate for you in the bedroom?" What an idiot!

[hc5duke]

the word quagmire gets used way too often here. but that might say more about our projects than him :rolleyes:

[2535Miles]

..."at this time" are the most frequent victims. Like students will come in and I ask them for their ID's to file tax forms and they'll say very solemnly, "At this time, I don't have my social security card." O.k., fine - then just say that you don't have it since we obviously both inhabit the same space/time continuum.
One of the guys in my office always says "do do". A customer or sales person calls and asks "Does your software do this?" then he replies "No, but what we do do is this". I lose it every time and fall into hysterics.

[CathyCA]

at the end of the day

^^That one is my pet peeve.^^

When I was in law school, my classmates (and many of my professors) began their sentences with, "It seems to me. . ." I cringed every time I heard that verbal crutch. Why not just say, "Uhhh" to begin a sentence?

(I am fully aware that those aren't bossisms. I don't even have a real job right now.)

[micah75]

Quite frankly
If I may be frank with you
Frankly speaking

^ oh, in other words, prior to this you were being duplicitous?

You're good to go.

^ go where? And what's so damn good about it.

The customer is always right.

^ yeah, uh hum. Don't even get me started on this one.

[A-Tex Devil]

"It is what it is"

This one has gotten crazy play lately. I've even caught myself saying it. Essentially, someone screwed up (usually the person saying it), and the people facing the problem are too lazy to fix it.

[2535Miles]

The customer is always right.
^ yeah, uh hum. Don't even get me started on this one.
I won't get you started, but if you did get started, I'd be right there with you.

[ChrisP]

When I saw the title of this thread, I thought it was just going to be about dumb/stupid things bosses have said and well...I guess it kinda is but I had a boss once who used to drive me up the wall with a couple of phrases:

Worst one - "Well...it's really a mute point"

Close second - "Irregardless, we need to focus on..."

Another phrase I always hated in the corporate world was when someone said we needed to "drive" something...like "drive the value for the customer" or "drive the business to maximize efficiency". I am SO glad I work for myself now :D

[PensDevil]

A former boss of mine must have watched too many Toyota commercials, as he was always "moving forward". It got to the point where we would keep a tally of the number of times any variation of the phrase was used during our weekly staff meeting. The meetings usually only lasted about 15 minutes, but we would move forward anywhere from 8-12 times on average.

We even got a double move forward once:

"In order to move forward, we need to blah blah the blah moving forward."

[aimo]

Thanks to a Dilbert cartoon a few months ago, my office's latest catchphrase is "the stink of unimportance". It comes into play way too easily where I work.

My boss doesn't even try stupid catchphrases like the others on me, probably because he hates them, too. It's pretty cool, actually, b/c I can quote Beavis and Butthead to him and he appreciates it. As in "you can't polish a turd". That one comes up a lot as well.

[Matches]

"It is what it is"

This one has gotten crazy play lately. I've even caught myself saying it. Essentially, someone screwed up (usually the person saying it), and the people facing the problem are too lazy to fix it.

This one has definitely jumped the shark. As has the phrase "jumped the shark".

I would also like to remove the words "proactive", "teambuilding", and "synergy" from the English language. Also there should be some sort of criminal penalty for the use of the acronym "FYI".

[CMS2478]

I am a teacher and all of my principals are females and they absolutely love saying "WOOOHOOO" (in an annoying high pitched voice). For example "We are coming to the end of the school year WOOOHOOO!!!" or "The girls soccer team won the conference championship WOOOHOOO!!!" I bet we hear it at least 10 times in a faculty meeting and it is contagious and many of the teachers at school do it now too. Makes me want to put a gun to my head. :mad:

[ArnieMc]

Anytime anyone says "paradigm shift" I take two dimes out of my pocket, put them on the table, and move them over about a foot.

[BlueDevilJay]

One word....Synergy! Teddy K, ladies and gentlemen, Teddy K!!

(I hope some of yall get that reference. Its became a huge inside joke here since we saw the movie)

[ugadevil]

Quite frankly
If I may be frank with you
Frankly speaking

^ oh, in other words, prior to this you were being duplicitous?



Do you work for Stephen A. Smith?

[onepresent]

Though I don't use it often, I like the phrase, "It is what it is." If used to imply surrender or non-action, then it is a crutch. I see it as useful when used in the context of, "Let's move on from this point in a positive way," and not get caught in a never-ending review of a situation that has passed. I have a friend who uses this phrase in a business situation and it tells me no matter the strange circumstances, what the client has given us is what we have to work with.

The phrase "I need this by 'such and such date,'" really gets on my nerve.

[Windsor]

We have a consultant in working on a project...if I get one more meeting invite that describes the meeting as a 'mind meld' I'm going to vulcan neck pinch the s.o.b.

In last week's 'mind meld' he said he was going to 'socialize the document with the steering committee'

Socialize a freakin' document..what? Take it out and buy it a beer? Introduce it to all your friends? This yahoo is the king of buzz words whose only purpose is to create useless power point presentations which he distributes hard copies of and then reads the slides.... (yes, he is a waste of breathable air)... at least once during every meeting that he is in I have vision of doing him serious bodily harm....which I would of course document in power point for all to see!

At the end of the day, it is what it is....<sigh>

[DukieInKansas]

We have a consultant in working on a project...if I get one more meeting invite that describes the meeting as a 'mind meld' I'm going to vulcan neck pinch the s.o.b.

In last week's 'mind meld' he said he was going to 'socialize the document with the steering committee'

Socialize a freakin' document..what? Take it out and buy it a beer? Introduce it to all your friends? This yahoo is the king of buzz words whose only purpose is to create useless power point presentations which he distributes hard copies of and then reads the slides.... (yes, he is a waste of breathable air)... at least once during every meeting that he is in I have vision of doing him serious bodily harm....which I would of course document in power point for all to see!

At the end of the day, it is what it is....<sigh>

Isn't this the definition of a consultant? I thought it was what they did - endless meetings, buzz words, huge time commitment, and a method to part the company from their money.

[blublood]

This yahoo is the king of buzz words whose only purpose is to create useless power point presentations which he distributes hard copies of and then reads the slides....

I hate that!!! Oh, how I hate that! Does anyone actually do public speaking anymore where you speak in public and not just read your slides? I mean, how lazy is that? Why not just distribute a transcript of exactly what you're going to say so we can read it at home and add this time back into our lives?

I trust that the document is now able to sit, heel, and play well with other documents after your consultant's tutelage.

[Windsor]

Isn't this the definition of a consultant? I thought it was what they did - endless meetings, buzz words, huge time commitment, and a method to part the company from their money.

Reminds me of my favorite 'consultant' joke

A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of the dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a Broni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the shepherd... "If I tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your flock, will you give me one?" The shepherd looked at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looked at his peacefully grazing flock and calmly answered "sure".
The yuppie parked his car, whipped out his IBM ThinkPad and connected it to a cell phone, then he surfed to a NASA page on the internet where he called up a GPS satellite navigation system, scanned the area, and then opened up a database and an Excel spreadsheet with complex formulas. He sent an email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, received a response. Finally, he prints out a 130-page report on his miniaturized printer then turns to the shepherd and says, "You have exactly 1586 sheep. "That is correct; take one of the sheep." said the shepherd. He watches the young man select one of the animals and bundle it into his car.
Then the shepherd says: "If I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my animal?", "OK, why not." answered the young man. "Clearly, you are a consultant." said the shepherd. "That's correct." says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?" "No guessing required." answers the shepherd.
"You turned up here although nobody called you. You want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked, and you don't know crap about my business...... Now give me back my dog!"

[EarlJam]

This is probably a Southern thing, but I hate it when higher-ups say, for example, "We need to make students our number 1 priority, deliver good service to them, make sure they know they're important, and such as that." What? What other "suchs" could there possibly be when you've just said the same thing five freaking different times? And as charming as I find my native culture, why can't you say something that sounds less redneck??

Oh, and also, I hate it when people are thinking really dumb thoughts yet try to camouflage them with what they think are smart words. Words/phrases like "myself", "resonate", "so as to", and "at this time" are the most frequent victims. Like students will come in and I ask them for their ID's to file tax forms and they'll say very solemnly, "At this time, I don't have my social security card." O.k., fine - then just say that you don't have it since we obviously both inhabit the same space/time continuum.

Another example of this was Natalie on Survivor last week; "How does that resonate for you in the bedroom?" What an idiot!

I hate it when people say, "I don't disagree with that." Why not just say, "I agree with that?"

I also hate it when people correct me on grammar regarding the use of the word, "I"........when THEY are in the wrong. For example, I may say, "I'm purchasing the heroin for Steve and me." Then I get corrected. No, I'm right. They would say, "I'm purchasing the heroin for Steve and I." They think it sounds smarter, but it is wrong.

-EarlJam

[EarlJam]

I used to work at a PR firm in Atlanta and the president called a brainstorming session. One person apparently went too "strategic, big picture" and she said this to him (honest to deity):

"Well let's hold on now. We need to gather the bricks and morter before we begin building the cathedral."

I thought to myself, "My god! We're building a cathedral!?"

-EarlJam

[Windsor]

I hate that!!! Oh, how I hate that! Does anyone actually do public speaking anymore where you speak in public and not just read your slides? I mean, how lazy is that? Why not just distribute a transcript of exactly what you're going to say so we can read it at home and add this time back into our lives?

I trust that the document is now able to sit, heel, and play well with other documents after your consultant's tutelage.

The document was voted Ms. Congeniality by the other documents.

I may be the last person left on the planet, but I do not read my slides in a presentation. I use them for supplemental information (graphs charts etc) or high level bullet points which I will speak to in great detail.
I make the sweeping assumption that my audience can all read english, so it is not necessary for me to read to them.

[EarlJam]

One of the most over-used words in the English language: Awesome.

I'm guilty of it to though. The definition of "Awesome" is:

1: expressive of awe
2 a: inspiring awe

The definition of "awe" is: an emotion variously combining dread, veneration, and wonder that is inspired by authority or by the sacred or sublime.

When my boss comes to me and asks, "Did you send that e-mail to the client?" and I respond, "Yes" and he in turn says, "Awesome."

Well, I just don't think it's "awesome."

-EarlJam

[TillyGalore]

One of the most over-used words in the English language: Awesome.

I'm guilty of it to though. The definition of "Awesome" is:

1: expressive of awe
2 a: inspiring awe

The definition of "awe" is: an emotion variously combining dread, veneration, and wonder that is inspired by authority or by the sacred or sublime.

When my boss comes to me and asks, "Did you send that e-mail to the client?" and I respond, "Yes" and he in turn says, "Awesome."

Well, I just don't think it's "awesome."

-EarlJam

AWESOME post. EarlJam, you're awesome. ;)

[blublood]

The document was voted Ms. Congeniality by the other documents.



Awesome! Socialization successful. :D

[EarlJam]

AWESOME post. EarlJam, you're awesome. ;)

Why thank you. And that is the CORRECT way to use the term!

-EJ

[TillyGalore]

Why thank you. And that is the CORRECT way to use the term!

-EJ

I'm sucking up to you so you'll take pity on me when our Fantasy Baseball teams play. Perhaps a couple of your hitters and pitchers can take a well deserved week off.

[2535Miles]

One of our developers picks up an obscure phrase in every meeting, and then beats us over the head with it until our ears bleed.

For all the software nerds out there; on Monday we were discussing Ajax vs Flex and he reminded us a gajillion times that whatever decision we make, we must remember that it has to "touch the metal".
"Well, we'll need to touch the metal."
"Will we be able to touch metal with ActionScript?"
"Don't forget the metal."

[TillyGalore]

I've been trying to think of a specific example of how an old boss used to do this. She would say something like "the reason is, is etc." Used to drive me up a wall. But, I don't work for her now so don't hear it anymore. :)

[EarlJam]

In a couple places I have worked, they would use the term "Rock Star" to describe someone who had just done a great job on something.

"That Susan, well, she's just a Rock Star!"

I would think, "No the F she isn't."

-EarlJam

[ohioguy2]

Thank you Windsor for the mention of the "read the slide show" people. Say it or show it, not both. At the time a person starts to do both, I get the urge to nap.:(

[captmojo]

The phrase that is also used in departing endearment that most bothers me...

" Have a good one." Ugh.

I've already got a good one, pal. I just wish I had a bigger one!

[2535Miles]

Time for a thread revival.

So, our developers use an e-mail group to communicate with each other since we're all remotely located. Yesterday, I sent the following e-mail to the thread:
Subject: Has the Large Hadron Collider destroyed the earth yet?
Body: For those of you concerned...
http://www.hasthelhcdestroyedtheearth.com/

The e-mail was well received and we all got a hoot out of it. Today, my boss sends the following e-mail in response: "I don't think this forum is the place for earth changing announcements."

How much more lame could one person be over a silly e-mail? What a tool! :mad:

[rasputin]

Awesome thread!

Your boss means well, he's just got a lot of things on his plate and is trying not to get too far behind the 8-ball. I mean, at the end of the day (I hate that one), it's all about ROI.

So, to your point, keep thinking outside the box and maybe we can change the way people communicate in the office. It'll take time though to turn the aircraft carrier around. Get in the trenches, think of some ideas and we'll run it up the flagpole to see if anyone salutes it.

Have a good one, and / or take it easy now,

-EarlJam

I used to use a lot of cliches, but now I avoid them like the plague.

[Turk]

We're going through a "cat" phase here in Dilbertville. A few groups within the company that are having difficulty of one kind or another often whine about their lack of resources, be it people, training, documentation, etc. They are said to be acting like "indoor cats" - needing to be fed and pampered. The desired model is to act like "outdoor cats" - meaning a group that is more independent, responsible for solving its own problems, and does not blame other groups for any shortcomings.

A senior VP likes to end his verbal lists with "and things of that nature". Whenever he's running a meeting, I like to count how many times he uses "and things of that nature."

Lastly, another verbal fungus that I'm hearing these days has to do with the process of adding more content to a general idea. On my floor, people use "flush out the details" more often than "flesh out the details". I can't figure out whether this is intentional or not. I haven't yet taken the bait and said, "Wait a minute, I'm not sure I want to flush to get more details. Are we using the men's room or the ladies?"

Oh wait, there's one more: I hate when people mispronounce "moot point" as "mute point". Blech.

That is all. Carry on.

[2535Miles]

Oh wait, there's one more: I hate when people mispronounce "moot point" as "mute point". Blech.
My boss also says "fusstrated".

[snowdenscold]

At the end of the day

^^That one is my pet peeve.^^

When I was in law school, my classmates (and many of my professors) began their sentences with, "It seems to me. . ." I cringed every time I heard that verbal crutch. Why not just say, "Uhhh" to begin a sentence?

(I am fully aware that those aren't bossisms. I don't even have a real job right now.)

Every time I hear it I get http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CxZoUARPsFc stuck in my head, and then will be singing it outloud the rest of the day. Which is OK I guess, since I like the song - imagine if it were one I disliked!

[snowdenscold]

Anytime anyone says "paradigm shift" I take two dimes out of my pocket, put them on the table, and move them over about a foot.

'Awesome'! I need to start doing that...

[DukePA]

When I was in college I grew to hate it when someone was called on in class and began with, "I was just going to say. . ." It's ridiculous if you think about it.

[shereec]

One of the guys in my office always says "do do". A customer or sales person calls and asks "Does your software do this?" then he replies "No, but what we do do is this". I lose it every time and fall into hysterics.

I LOVE to catch people saying this! It's one of my favorites in meetings to lean over to the person next to me and whisper "he/she said doo doo" then watch them try to choke back laughter or else just not get it. And it's amazing how many people say it. My current boss says it and after the first time I heard it I told him I was going to bust him on it from then on. Now when he says it, I just point at him and mouth "doo doo." He'll laugh out loud and then keep going. Pretty cool.

[2535Miles]

I LOVE to catch people saying this! It's one of my favorites in meetings to lean over to the person next to me and whisper "he/she said doo doo" then watch them try to choke back laughter or else just not get it. And it's amazing how many people say it. My current boss says it and after the first time I heard it I told him I was going to bust him on it from then on. Now when he says it, I just point at him and mouth "doo doo." He'll laugh out loud and then keep going. Pretty cool.
HAHA I love it! It's the little things in life that make it special. And in my book, this form of "do do" is one of the special things. I'm glad to know we share this in common. :)

[rsvman]

I can't really share any bossisms because, well, I'm the boss.:)

I will give you an English pet peeve, though, and it seems this one is becoming ubiquitous. Why does everybody say "at" at the end of a sentence? Examples: "Where are you at?" "Where is it located at?" Where's your teacher at?" What, exactly, does the word "at" add to the sentence?


Oh, by the way, I had one comment about "moot" as in "moot point." A lot of people don't know that the word actually means "debatable." Most people use it to mean exactly the opposite; viz., not worthy of debate. Common usage certainly favors the latter meaning. Some modern dictionaries list both meanings, which I find kind of strange. My Webster's unabridged says the following: "moot, adj. subject to or open for discussion or debate; debatable." In law school, a "moot court" is a place to argue or plead a case. As a verb, moot means "to debate, to discuss; to argue for and against." Clearly, a "moot point" is a point about which there could be considerable discussion, rather than a point not worth talking about.

[Turk]

Well, I always thought "moot point" meant "trivial, not of importance". I would have guessed it derived from "moot court" in law school, where students learn how to argue cases with no actual consequences, as opposed to a real-world trial court... I sit corrected....

[captmojo]

I can't really share any bossisms because, well, I'm the boss.:)

I will give you an English pet peeve, though, and it seems this one is becoming ubiquitous. Why does everybody say "at" at the end of a sentence? Examples: "Where are you at?" "Where is it located at?" Where's your teacher at?" What, exactly, does the word "at" add to the sentence?





Tell them your name isn't "at".

[hc5duke]

Tell them your name isn't "at".

In that case, where's the bathroom at, @%&$? :D

[lmb]

[QUOTE=micah75;148848]Quite frankly
If I may be frank with you
Frankly speaking

^ oh, in other words, prior to this you were being duplicitous?


I often say "to be honest with you....". May husband hates it and responds as you did above.

There's a lady who works with me who always says vis-a-vis. You wouldn't think that phrase could be used very often, but she manages to work it into conversation quite frequently.

[lmb]

My above post was in reference to Micah75's.

[Tommac]

I had a boss who continually used the phrase about "the ox in the ditch" when trying to get people to do something not in their normal job description. Also had another boss who would tell us that one "Ah Sh*t" would cancel out ten (Atta Boys). We also use the term "Shining the Turd" when trying to present something in a positive light when we knew better.

[bluebutton]

Guys--

Thanks for making my day a little brighter. This was a fun read. Unfortunately, I'm a linguistics grad student and no one else would find the over use of "co-constructed, environmentally coupled, intersubjectivity" funny.

The only thing I can offer is that in my years working with my advisor, I can't count the number of times I've run into him in the hall and he's ended the conversation with "Okie doke, well, I'm going to go hit the head."

(It took me a really long time to figure out that he was going to go to the bathroom and then I couldn't figure out why he was telling me)

[Turk]

The OTB is great for taking any thread and turning it towards bathroom humor, so let me pounce:

Most people know "hit the head" is Navy and "hit the latrine" is Army...

And at work we've been using "you can't polish a turd" or yep, "put lipstick on a pig" when trying to work with hopelessly obsolete or disfunctional software. I've heard both phrases since the early 90s and one guy even photoshopped a lipstick pig poster that we had on the wall a few years ago...